Thanks a bunch. :)
Lyrics / But not my soul
You can’t keep your grip on me you have to let me go.
I know that were wrong, why can’t I tell you so?
My skin it shivers,
you take off your clothes.
My body’s yours but not my soul.
You’ll never be the same.
Heart’s will break and heal again,
but scars remain forever and ever.
Learn from all the pain.
Heartaches burn through flesh and skin,
but love again will wash it all away.
7 days away, I call, you pick up the phone.
I told you that I’m sorry, should not of let you go.
I say I love you,
you take off your clothes.
I feel you body not your soul.
Your soul, your soul.
I’ll never be the same.
Hearts will break and heal again,
but scars reamin forever and ever.
Learn from all the pain.
Heartaches burn through flesh and skin,
but love again will wash it all away.
Repeat..
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
MoulinCool reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Second to last verse -“but scars reamin” -- “remain” **
A nice meaning behind the lyrics, but I could not guess a beat for this. Party because, I think, the flow is off. Actually, there really is no flow at all. Work on that, rhyme, etc., and I think this piece will be better.
Nice work and good luck. :]
- add/view comments (2)
eminemslove85 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
wow!!! that was some poem….that was crisp clear and deep right down to the bone, very good job, good job indeed, i loved ho u repeated it like a song, but the last word repeat at the end kinda threw it all off for me. but other then that, that was an awesome poem. :D keep up the good work.
jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Hey,
Well, in your bio you asked for feedback, so here it is:
Great piece of work! You have the talent for conveying damage to the only true ‘thing’ we really have, our soul. You have a couple of lines here that grabbed me; “Heartaches burn through flesh and skin” and “I feel you body not your soul”. Both show such great introspective. THe first line I liked creates such bizzare visuals and conveys wonderful depth. The second line, well, let’s say, what is the point of life if one cannot feel anothers soul and vise versa. You have the gift, even more so at 22. You have a bright future ahead of you. As I tell everyone, if this is drawn from real life and someone special, I am sorry for your pain. me…
MichaelDark reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Lyrics are tough…...
I get the point here. I’m not big on grammer and punctuation in song writing. The format seemed good. If it’s a ‘rock’ song I see it working. Here’s my only point out
Line two: we’re instead of were.
I liked the role reversal of the singer and mate. From, “You’ll never be the same” to “I’ll never be the same”.
Cheers!
Summerland9889 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Needs some work… very ruff but with alot of potential laughs i found myself tweaking some things and singing it and loving the way it sounded so stick with it and it will be well worth your while and If you get it perfect sing it or get someone to sing it for you. Once perfected this could be a hit.
Ctoyboy3 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
first i want to make sure that i have the meaning of this right. It’s about thinking the grass is greener on the other side, leaving then realizing what you lost and comming back but things are different. right? Well first the verses i don’t think are long enough. A song like this is to short and to repeative. and forever and ever don’t really work in a song like this cause then it sounds a little sing songy if you get my meaning and you loose the sadness in the song.
MayaCatherine reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
could work quite nicely as a pop song. take out the “learn from all the pain” because it rings the most cliche. nicely done.
Showing 1 - 7 of 7
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
7 Reviews 6 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 3 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 48 Times
Skipped: 3 Times
Ratings & Rankings
