when we love someone we share things with them ,, kind of like the ole hillbilly saying that goes like this ,, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine..
hey thanks for reply..
things i like to share are my thoughts , my time . things I saw while growing up
etc.. etc..
thank you again
your friend
Lookingbeyond
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Short Story / life with love
I love you, this is yours
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Rylan reviewed Version 1 -
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I understand what you’re trying to accomplish and the guidelines you have to follow, but I don’t think this is it…just in my opinion. Six word memoirs are extremely difficult to write and have good meaning. Your meaning is there, I’m just concerned that you didn’t bring anything new to the table; there’s nothing here that really makes you stand out as a writer. Good thought to go off of, though.
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Chaos reviewed Version 1 -
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Although, very sweet and well within the guidelines I don’t see this one as a memoir. I could see it at the beginning of a book or set of memoirs, but not as a memoir itself.
Ctoyboy3 reviewed Version 1 -
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made me ask what is yours? The point of this memoir is supposed to caputre the essence of an authors life.
robinslick reviewed Version 1 -
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I think I get this – I’m taking it the funny way like they are a couple splitting up but I’m not sure.
That being said, if you do mean it that way, maybe make it a little more clear by saying something like “I love you, hey, that’s mine!”
Of course I could have misunderstood your point altogether and you may have been talking about his/her heart, soul, etc. But if it is, again, it should be made just a bit clearer.
I gave you my gut reaction – not sure if others will agree or not…but if you do mean it to be funny, I think it’s a good memoir on love. And if you don’t want to change the words, maybe think about changing the title so that the reader gets the idea.
bterickson reviewed Version 1 -
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Not bad. It doesn’t quite encapsulate a feeling for me. It makes me wonder what “is yours.” It’s a good beginning to a larger story. Overall though I still like it. Good luck.
B.
sfritsch reviewed Version 1 -
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Beautiful! To see love as a sharing of ourselves and all that we are is similar to my own thoughts. It is endlessly amazing to me how six words can express so much. Keep writing and expressing yourself – you have tapped into a universality.
crstarlette reviewed Version 1 -
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Short and very sweet. Punctuation-wise I would write
I love you; this is yours.
Anyway, smile evoking.
MayaCatherine reviewed Version 1 -
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it seems somewhat incomplete to me, though admittedly it lingers afterwards.
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