Poetry / Monster

Powerful words, depicting a person who cannot control his urge to kill others. But I did get confused about who “they” are in the following line:
What have they made me into? Was it the military? Other people who made him into the “Monster” to do their bidding? Or who? This line really needs a little clarification. Or did you leave like this, purposely, to make the mind wonder about who “they” are? The rest of the poem is very clear and well written. Very descriptive about a tortured soul who kills others with barely a second thought, only feels sorry for himself because he can’t stop what he has become. I think it is a very good description of a person with a battle raging inside, but there needs to be a little more information about how he got this way. It definitely lives up to the title “Monster”. Just a little clarification about “who” made this person into a killing machine and I believe it would be perfect.

This poem is pretty cool. It’s really emotional in a sort of emo way. I don’t know if that’s the feeling that you wanted to portray, but that’s the feeling that I got.
It makes me wonder a bit, if this is completly fiction, like something that a character has written, or if it’s drawn from personal experience.

Many have gone to war and felt the same thing, or at least similar to what you have felt.  This is beautiful free verse.  The only thing is at the end, you answer your  own question…my own….Maybe leave the last line as “Just regret for the one life  I have destroyed.”  Let them think…let the reader figure it out.  This is something that I believe is very publishable if introduced with like genre.  Good luck

A chilling insight into the position you’re in. It is well written and expressed in a manner that gives the reader a glimpse of the stress and anguish that a lot of people who have served in a conflict zone must go through.

I’m not much of a fan when it comes to poetry so the 9 is more for making me wish this were a sort story I could really sink my teeth into.  

• add/view comments (1)

July 21, 2008

by DemonGoddess

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	50.0% (8 votes)	26.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	NY, NY	September 24

I am so terribly sorry. I didn’t even see your picture, so I thought that you were some angsty teen. It puts the poem into a cleared, more disturbing light. I see what you mean now, and disregard what I wrote the last time.
All I can do is sit here, and look at screen, amazed.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.