Poetry / Gravity knows all. (Analysis)

The overall work does not explain the title.
That’s a-lot of criteria for a poem so simple and undeveloped.

i like the format of the other version better than this one, the other adds rythm and flow during the reading but and pulls it together.

i read this before it was revised and i think your revisions were very good. The changes have given this piece clarity and a rythmic smooth flow that did not exist the first time i read it. only the title which is also the closing is questionable to me. i think i know what it means, but then i’m not sure, so at first i was going to suggest that you lose that concept altogether when i realized that this actually makes it creative and ingenious. keeping the reader in suspense.

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August 16, 2008

by sfritsch

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37	M	Madison, WI	November 07

Thank you very much. I kept the last line open to interpretation, so that any reader can bring their own experiences with rejection into their idea of it’s meaning, while still keeping a private meaning to myself. I thank you again for reading it.

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Well, we’ve all been there and you summed up the brush off of a passerby quite admirably.

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August 16, 2008

by sfritsch

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	93.8% (16 votes)	100.0%

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37	M	Madison, WI	November 07

I thank you very much.

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You did a wonderful job of making the reader feel what you are experiencing. The sense of hope, then the crushing reality of rejection. I love the last 2 lines. To me, they are the most powerful of the whole piece. Nicely done. Please share more!

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August 14, 2008

by sfritsch

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37	M	Madison, WI	November 07

I am glad you liked it. I will be posting more in the near future. I thank you very much for reading it, and for your kind words.

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interesting.  sparse, a bit odd- right up my alley for sure.  a man with low self-confidence take a peek into the eyes of a stranger and doesn’t find the confidence he was looking for.  Gravity knows all.  But is gravity a villain or an accomplice?  our man had to fight gravity to look up and into those eyes and only when he doesn’t see what he’s looking for does he allow his eyes to drop.  

“a glassy gesture of active indifference” is my favorite line but i’d suggest “active apathy” to keep in tune with the double g’s.  

thanks.  

Well, I just came to check our your profile as you left a review on mine. . .and wow! I love this. I read the comment below mine, and I have to disagree--it doesn’t matter who the woman is or what she’s like; it could be any number of people. . .it is any number of people on any given day. However, perhaps it would be even better if you took it further--but, no, not to me, I love it as is. “Gravity knows all.”--That will stick with me for sure. That will be one of the quotes that will consistently come back up in my life for sure--so thank you!!

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August 09, 2008

by sfritsch

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37	M	Madison, WI	November 07

Thank you so very much. My heart warms to know something that comes out of my head is warming to others. I thank you (again) for your kind words!

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This is a fine poem as far as it goes. Personally, I would have liked to see a little more interaction before the ending won out. I would like to have seen a description of the woman, or at least of what caused her to attract the narrator’s attention. I would have appreciated a more visual, and thematically suggestive description of what did or did not come across her face before she chose to ignore the person. These things could add more meat and depth to the idea. As is, what you have is a fine framework or clift note to an idea, more than the idea personified.

I like this short description of a moment.  The gravity line helps me envision the heaviness of the eye lids of the narrator.  Maybe work this as a theme, the inertia of things-  It starts off with two direvtions going east and west, you got the eyes going south- maybe something should go north-  just some ideas.  I think you could elaborate with more description- why is the narrator timid- why does he suddenly have courage.  

Gravity knows all. I like this piece. One knows how they way they look at others can effect someone. I have always tried to great with a smile. and your work tells me why. Well Done!!!!