Poetry / For as one we go

The finger of EGO points, rifts dug deep between

in somethings name, inflicting pain

burn to ash the dream

shroud in lace, the mirror’s face,

so we do not reflect

it’s not by chance, we devils dance

and are the makers met

rival factions, fear in action

crimson red turned seas

through blinded eyes our siblings cry

stubborn are our deeds

it’s pouring reign, through which we blame

lives built upon fault

grip tightly hate, massing the state of

“only we’re from the salt”

the whipping wind of faith grown dim

chokes the spirit cloud

eyelids close “For as one we go”,

The Warriors cry aloud

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Reviews

August 10, 2008

dylanmatthews

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	62.5% (56 votes)	23.1%

REVIEW QUALITY: 0.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Grand Rapids, MN	March 15

dylanmatthews reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This is a good poem but I feel it needs some work. The ryhmes seem forced and two lines did not fit right. e.x. crimson red turned seas and so we do not reflect. The concept or main idea works but it feels restricted from line to line.

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August 10, 2008

by MichaelDark

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
71	87.1% (31 votes)	45.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
41	M	Bear, DE	July 09

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so we do not reflect…..and are the makers met.

August 10, 2008

by dylanmatthews

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	62.5% (56 votes)	23.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Grand Rapids, MN	March 15

personal info reviewer stats

No, I understand, it rhymes, good job. The problem is, there are other ways you could phrase or word that line, making it better, while still keeping the rhyme scheme.

August 10, 2008