Lyrics / Charlie

this is by far the best lyric I have read on this hear , urbis site.

kudos to the aurthor .

so tell me author who is Charlie ?  just kidding … hey this one here is your hit verse

You can push me to the welfare line
Use all of yours and then take mine
But I am not a number
I am not your bottom line”

you could condense that some , but it might mess it up , depends on the music line ..

so get ahold of Charlie and push this lyric to the stage .

lookingbeyond

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August 10, 2008

by roguescholar

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
100	58.0% (50 votes)	32.4%

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35	M	Saint Louis, MO	December 31

Thanks…I used to be in a band called Jones Street, years ago…this was one of our “angry” songs…I’m about to revive it in my current band, Strawfoot…though we play a different genre with a different lineup of instruments, I think we can breathe a new life into it…

thanks again, I take this as a very high compliment…

August 10, 2008

by lookingbeyond

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131	76.3% (59 votes)	23.9%

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55	M	Scottsville, KY	July 04

I have seen your Icon like it , crown on the skull  ....
keep writing

lookingbeyond

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The first 2 lines are a great opener but the rest of the lyric is full of the usual cliches that we’ve all heard before. If the music is really good & the atmosphere is great people who listen won’t notice.

hi there,

well i like the way you wrote the song more than the song itself in all honesty..i really enjoyed reading a lyric that has proper structure with your verse/chorus as well as the constant ryhming pattern throughout the song, rhyming the 1,2,4, lines in each verse…not to mention the proper meter in gthe verses to write music too..very good. i think you wasted your songwriting talent and knowledge on this song that really doesn’t say much, but the same thing ovefr and over again..(sure some people would be able to relate to it butr some people can relate to anything..:)..use your talent on a good or sad love song..and i think you may find your way to much more success..oops, i’ve yapped enough..hope i helped..later,,jim

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November 14, 2008

by roguescholar

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100	58.0% (50 votes)	32.4%

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35	M	Saint Louis, MO	December 31

thanks…this is but one song of many, the subject matter does vary from piece to piece…you should check out my band, Strawfoot…we sing about all sorts of things…this particular one was a direct response to being laid off during a recession…I believe in keeping my work honest and true, so I feel compelled to write about what I’m going through…and at that time, it was coming to terms with corporate america cutting me loose. On our myspace page, currently, we have a song about feeling like you’re so bad, there’s no turning back, only going forward with wicked ways, a song about wanting and needing what you don’t have, a song written to help come to grips with a friend fighting cancer and to help comfort said friend, a song about the temptations you feel when you’re married, and a bluegrass cover of Alice in Chains’ Rooster…

Though I don’t write love songs. That’s something I haven’t been able to get quite right…I guess most of my inspiration stems from troubling things…the whole suffering artist complex…

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Nice, to the point, and relevant. It kinda reads like country blues.  Maybe Merl.  Considering the topic, the phrase “Nice job” might seem inappropriate.  Nice job!  

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November 14, 2008

by roguescholar

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
100	58.0% (50 votes)	32.4%

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35	M	Saint Louis, MO	December 31

thanks…hopefully, under new administration, I’ll write less of these…

November 14, 2008

by fred_kane

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54	M	Dalzell, SC	April 03

To that, a big “Amen!”

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This is awesome! I love the rhyme scheme and the fact that it isn’t 5 pages long. I think that it is very fitting to this day and age. I like the theme of not giving up when you get knocked down. “There’s a lot of you, but more of me” is my fav line.

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November 26, 2008

by roguescholar

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35	M	Saint Louis, MO	December 31

thanks! Believe me, I could write 5 pages about corporate charlie…heh.

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‘When a working man can’t work for another day’ seemed a bit wordy.
How does it end? In my head, it only really repeats the same tune. the lyrics don’t wind down near the end.

‘I am not your bottom line’ isn’t clear. What’s it mean?

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December 15, 2008

by roguescholar

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
100	58.0% (50 votes)	32.4%

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35	M	Saint Louis, MO	December 31

it ends with a growl and a scream…it doesn’t wind down, it builds up…

I am not your bottom line means that those peope laid off to help a company’s bottom line are more than just numbers.

when a working man can’t work…is merely to show that we’re built to work, but what do we do when there is no work…?

This song might make more sense to you with music…

but it’s really written for anyone who has been laid off with a bleak job market waiting…

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