Poetry / Music (Analysis)

The title could have been better, i thought you could have done something more elaborate for such a beautiful poem. also it is very simple but very powerful at the same time. the beat is a bit in shamble as you start of with 3 lines, after one  line and then with a block, was it in purpose? Maybe you should have a break after “evening”. your strongest line are  the last 3 lines.

aww now that was really sweet! i loved it. i didnt see a thing wrong with it. wonderful wonderful wonderful job.

I like it but it almost seems as if its not quite done… I would love to read more of it.

i like that this created a clear scene. i feel like i know/understand the poet. that being said, something about it that i can’t quite put my finger on bothered me. i want to say that it had a cliche feel to it, but the only thing i can point to directly are the last three lines.

and i LOVE lines 12 through 16.

Short, simple, and to the point;I like that.
I don’t see a reason to repeat “Every night” it really doesn’t add anything to the poem.

The whole poem was good. I liked the word choice and all the analogies, the last stanza was the best part by far,
“You are the blood
that gives melody
To the rhythm of my heart.”

That’s wonderful. Great job.

Thanks for the read.

Wow. That was actually a really interesting, different sort of poem. Very nice, very personal. It was the candlelit dinner of poems, if you will. It seems, however, that the reader is an eavesdropper on someone having an impassioned arguement in the next room over. It’s almost like the reader doesn’t know the whole story, which may be the point, but it’s hard to infer, I find.

Ok this starts off nice, but at the end, however, I can’t help but feeling, ‘so what’? Maybe it shouldn’t just end there, let out a bit more of what you’re thinking/feeling.

i dont think you should ask so many questions to someone specific in a poem that you want to share, i might suggest ‘weasling’ the questions in and be subtle about it, along with you making statements in this piece. that part aside i suggest a rewrite.

on the other hand, the main portion of this piece was elegant i thought. ‘Vanish so completely In the thick silence’ ive never seen it put that way before and i think its great. and the richest wine, to brown and thin. wonderful. and your last stanza had so much power.

the thing i might suggest in the main portion of this piece that needs attention would be your ‘words’ and if you read it as i have then its just annoyingly repeating. work it out by only saying the ‘words’ portion of it once.

and i might be wrong but im taking it as the ‘words’ are ‘i love you’ but i could be wrong.