Poetry / Pondering the Death of a Spider (Analysis)

Sometimes we do our best work when we aren’t really trying.  This has all the elements of a good poem.  The brevity is exceptional, and toward that end I have two editing comments:

“comes to mind of tiny creatures”  Strunk [to mind]
“nestled in the windowsill,”  change to “nestled in window sills,”

Nice imagery, compassion for little things, broadens way out in the last line to allow the reader’s mind to float on the theme.

Try another one.  You may surprise yourself.  

“spiders could be sleeping lovers” explains the entire poem to me. I love “dream of sheets”. I felt that at times the poem could have been intepreted for adults and not spiders; I love to have the ability to see words in many different ways. “comes to mind of tiny creatures” I dont think is needed because you’re writing about spiders i.e. tiny creatures.

I really liked this poem. It’s short, but a rather exciting read!
I have always been fasinated by the link we all seem to make with spider and lovers. I think you got that across very elegantly, and effectivly in a short matter of time.
I especially liked this line

in an excited dream of sheets
they come together
eight limbs tangled
within a web of sweaty linens

I think you should write poetry more often!

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August 17, 2008

by drbailey

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25	M	Columbus, OH	November 18

Thanks for the observations. Think i’ll stay away from much poetry though! I don’t have the mind for it.

Stay Cool,
D.R.

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I like it. Lose the title; let the poem reveal itself to the reader. Come up with a different title that doesn’t give it away. I didn’t like the jaws clenched. That doesn’t sound like sex to me, although I suppose everyone’s different…I think a different image there would be better.  

I like the idea of spiders as lovers!  great metaphor, simply put and well done!

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August 13, 2008

by drbailey

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25	M	Columbus, OH	November 18

Thank you for the kind words.

Stay Cool,
D.R.

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I like the imagery a lot. You create a wonderful humanization here.
The weakness is understanding their death. Probably wouldn’t matter if you didn’t have “Death” in the title but since you do, it begs some clarity as to the manner, reason or how we are to know they died.

So, my suggestion would be to change the title or clarify their demise somewhat.
How aoubt 8 Legged Lovers or Octopods in the Sheets. :>)

6/8

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August 13, 2008

by drbailey

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25	M	Columbus, OH	November 18

I guess the title is problematic. Its a poem I wrote when I found dead spiders in my windowsill while dusting…

Which makes me strange, I guess.

Thanks for the kind review.
D.R.

August 14, 2008

by Jimmel104

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67	M	Flower Mound, TX	November 22

I prefer insightful to strange. :>)
Imagination is a wonderful thing.

Never really understood “problematic”. Always thought it was like a generalized politically correct statement of non-acceptance. I want to know what killed those spiders. LOL

Keep using that imagination. You will get a Pulitzer some day.

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I thought this had a great start, and it lasted to about the 5th line… then I think it fell off. The first part was exceptional, though you don’t usually write. Perhaps you could rephrase the idea/image you were getting at in lines 5 and 6. The last four lines could be scraped. They seem to jump onto a piece they weren’t part of. Consider reworking the end if you feel up to it.  

OH MY GOD!

This is sick!

The parallel between spiders and human sex is just…well, a) Original. b) leaves my head spinning.

Um…. the strangest poem I’ve read on this site. The theme is “Adam’s Family” type. You just went all creepy.

You have a twisty mind, DrBailey. And that’s never a bad thing, makes your work uber-original :)

Thumbs-up

D.C

Kinda creepy.  I like it.

The title decieves the contents of the poem methinks, but for one who does not write poetry I dare say you should be proud of this one. You’ve created a beautiful piece that makes people think, and creates a blissful yet even a grossom image. Keep up the good work.