Short Story / Submission to SMITH Memoir Contest

The construction in the first sentence, i believe, doesn’t let the words say their intended meaning.  Everyone’s published on Urbis.  So… Still unpublished.  On urbis. ... i think has less ambiguity (althouhg, admittedly, still..)

cheers,

james

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September 13, 2008

by akelly10

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Very good point!  We “are” all published on Urbis. I was trying for the point of still being unpublished professionally. I agree with your suggestion that a change in puctuation would get the point across better. Thank you.

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This is a cute and creative one. It’s coming from a different angle. I don’t know if it’s what they’re looking for. If they have the right sense of humor, it could just work. Cool stuff.

the bookend caps are a nice visual to this piece.  

The way it’s written, it comes across like Urbis publishes folks, but what i think you’re going for is that you’re a writer still messing around on urbis and you’ve yet to be published, outside of urbis.  ”Interested, SMITH” takes care of that confusion, somewhat.  

It’s not a bad piece but it’s kind of quiet. fear not action.  thanks for sharing.  

Funny and precise, maybe SMITH will see it that way but I somehow feel it is too specific.  Although you said something here about your immediate life, I truly believe they were looking for the entire life.  Intelligent and crafty and sometimes that’s all it takes!  Good luck!

Smile. Actually, when you put your work out in the public and share it- it is published.I do like it. It has a certain sardonic ring to it. Like I haven’t been published here- will I there? It’s ok.