Quotes / six word

I really nice quote, and one I can relate too.

I understand the message, and I think it has the potential to be profound, but it falls short.  I think part of the problem is the repetition of “forever.”  Perhaps try changing “forevermore” to “endures” or “heartbreak forevermore” to “perpetual heartbreak.”  I think I prefer “endures.”

Just suggestions, hope this helped.

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November 17, 2008

by vickiebellew

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

I haven’t been helped at all with this review please give me a refund

November 17, 2008

by isntlifejuicy

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What would you have prefered?  A “LIKE-OMG-I-LOVE-IT-WOW-LIKE-OMG” review?

I stand behind my suggestions.  The repititious “forever” takes away from the impact of this quote/six word memoir. After reading other reviews, I’ve noticed at least one other person agrees.

I’m sorry you felt it was unhelpful.  Perhaps you’re attached to this because its truth and not some fabricated lengthy story.  Which I can definitely understand because I have a couple entries I hold close to my heart.

My intention was to help you improve, not to waste your credits.

Not everyone is going to like what you’ve written.

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It’s so interesting that this came out of a medicated, hazy state.  It’s very deep and sad and makes me think of little homeless children shivering in corners.  It all definitely works.  So, even if you can’t remember it, good job!

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November 13, 2008

by vickiebellew

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165	59.8% (87 votes)	12.9%

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

Thankyou, I’ve often felt like a lost abandoned person. so maybe that where it’s base came from.

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You could use a space after your comma and before the word heartbreak. The use of a forevermore right after a forever seems repetitive. I do however think that the theme of the child is touching and with some polishing this could be great.

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November 05, 2008

by vickiebellew

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165	59.8% (87 votes)	12.9%

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

I was asked to use 6 words. And what I wrote is what I ment.

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Bravo, I like it, if it came from you or a movie, thanks for posting it, finally a 6 word quote, that is full of animation and understanding! Keep up the sleepless work, lol!

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November 01, 2008

by vickiebellew

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

This is what makes it worth getting up in the middle of the night to write…Thank you.

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It sounds deep and its short, [i hate things that drone on forever]
love it :)

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October 25, 2008

by vickiebellew

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

Thankyou for your kind words

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heart break and for ever more should be spaced and you are good. I think it’s a good quote though. My friend she was abandoned by her father and it definitely does relate.

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October 11, 2008

by vickiebellew

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

I was abandoned by my father. At first I wasn’t sure where this quote came frome . but in time I realized it was something that had been deep inside of me for many years. Thankyou…

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It doesn’t ring a bell as far as movies go, but interesting quote. I’m curious as to if it actually was. Huh.

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September 27, 2008

by vickiebellew

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It was a late night movie that was old. Also I was an abandoned.  Only to to hunted up when guilt took over the parent. The pain for the child never goes away.

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“Abandoned child, lost forever,heartbreak forevermore.” You didn’t space between “forever,” and “heartbreak.” Also you should put heartbroken forevermore.

I like the words themselves, it is emotive and touching.

You could play with the form a little and not just have it as one long line.
Otherwise, nice x

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September 08, 2008

by vickiebellew

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
165	59.8% (87 votes)	12.9%

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48	F	Greenville, SC	November 23

Thanks for the review,At first I didn’t know where this came from. Till I went back and talked to some friends. Now I know I was relating to a sad story this lady had told me. I couldn’t grasp her pain.

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