Really? Interesting because I’m working very hard on my vocals and writing to hopefully be a singer/songwriter. I am very interesting. Thank you. :)
Lyrics / I'm leaving you out in the dark.
(Verse 1)
Dear people, hi.
There’s something on my mind.
It hurts to say that I’m
leaving you out in the dark.
You see I tried.
I gave you all the time,
to love and hold me tight.
I waited for a hint of a smile.
(Chorus)
Maybe your love is blind,
or maybe love’s never satisfied.
Maybe you love another,
and did not want to choose a side.
You keep moving further and I’m falling far behind.
So I’m leaving you out in the dark.
(Verse 2)
I’m quite surprised,
I thought through human eyes,
we’d stay forever twined.
My love for you began at your start.
You grew and grew,
built mountains I never knew.
Strange surface that reflects you.
Will you never come back?
(Chorus)
Maybe your love is blind,
or maybe love’s never satisfied.
Maybe you love another,
and did not want to choose a side.
You keep moving further and I’m falling behind.
So I’m leaving you out in the dark.
(Verse 3)
Soon you’ll see,
exactly what I mean.
I’ll bring to you disease,
as you brought upon me.
The waters rise,
your land consumed by tides,
The sun still blazing high,
and it will burn you into the dark.
Until you’re consumed.
(Chorus)
Maybe your love is blind,
or maybe love’s never satisfied.
Maybe you love another,
and did not want to choose a side.
You keep moving further and I’m falling behind.
So I’m leaving you out in the dark.
I’m leaving you out in the dark.
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cooljim102055 reviewed Version 3 -
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hi,
with your introduction i thought you were writing a farewell letterto the world, then as i went along, it seems you maybe talking to an indivdual, then again back to the world,,,or the masses..so i was a little confused..you should try to focus on one thing to make a clear statement…but i luv the song pattern you used, the v/c/v/c/ that alot of people on the site don’t use, they just write a lyric like a poem, my favorite line is, we grew and grew building mountians we never knew, that was nice.in general though, nice job,..keep writing,,,jim
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LittleWhale reviewed Version 3 -
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The title, “I’m leaving you out in the dark,” is informative and inviting and includes subjective pronouns (I or in this instance, I’m and you) which are corner stones of a strong title. It makes me want to read more.
The first line, “Dear people hi,” seems to stop me at the start. It is important to not make the reader/listener to “work” or decipher or get stopped on a peticular line so as not to miss the message of the following lines. With a little rewording this first verse could be s strong introduction. Personally, I love rhyme; however if rhyme takes precedence over content it can weaken writing. Might you consider a different rhyme scheme for the first verse?
Also, the last two lines of the first verse have the repeated title separated. (“I’m,” ends the third line) To reinforce continuity the repeated refrain should be the same throughout the lyric. (As you have done in the following verses)
My favorite line is in verse #2, “We’d stay forever twined.” Forever twined, is very strong. Nice.
I hope this has helped. Keep writing!
All the best.
~Carla
tisha reviewed Version 3 -
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This is a wonderful song. I love the flow and tempo of the lyrics. It may be one of the best I’ve read on this sight so far. You have a real talent and I hope to hear you on a radio someday. This song could be on the radio right now. Love songs are always classic. My husband makes tracks if your interested. Message me and I’ll get you his website, maybe you two can talk.
hey_sean reviewed Version 1 -
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This seems like it was completely Death Cab influenced, which is a good thing.
Imagery is great. I really like the part where you used the imagery and tied it into the repetition line. (“The sun still blazing high,
and it will burn you into the dark.”) Fell in and out of a set rhythm strategically.
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Dear people, hi.
Their’s something on my mind.
It hurt’s to say that I’m
leaving you, out in the dark
You are talking to the people then say “you”. Why don’t you just say “Dear you?” There’s something on my mind. This would ba catchy. Do you see what i am getting at.
I’m quite surprised,
I thought through human eyes,
we’d stay forever twined.
My love for you began at your start.
I don’t think this stanza does anything for the lyrics. I thought through human eyes” Doesn’t mesh. The rest of the stanza doesn’t say much, either takes away from the whole work.
Soon you’ll see,
exactly what I mean.
I’ll bring to you disease,
as you brought upon me.
Are you being philosophical? Or literal. What disease? I am not fond of this stanza.
You grew and grew,
built mountains I never knew.
Used me in ways for cruel.
I will never go back
Wouldn’t “You grew and built walls sound better?
Look. i like the lyrics. I’m leaving you out in the dark, is a great title. You talk about her being blind and you leaving her in this state. Maybe she could be blinded by the light. I don’t know. There needs to be some kind of contrast here. I hope what i have found has helped. There is alot to like here.The third stanza is wonderful. Good luck, Sandi
Dexus reviewed Version 1 -
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I can relate, as can anyone who’s been used and abused by ex-lovers. You do a wonderful job portraying the pain and telling the story. It paints a clear picture.
“or maybe loves never satisfied.” x 3—maybe love’s never satisfied. In this sentence, love is possessive and so needs an apostrophe :)
Perhaps you could indicate that is the chorus, and then for the other two you could just put “chorus” instead of writing it all out again.
“Used me in ways for cruel.” —This reads a little akward, even for lyrics.
“Until your consumed.”—I think you meant ‘until you’re consumed’ :)
Well done! I enjoyed reading this and am curious what it sounds like, what genre of music it is in :)
DCAllen reviewed Version 1 -
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OK, this lyric can be read in a few ways. At first I thought the speaker was the earth. He/She is obviously talking to mankind (Dear people). The reference to natural disaster like punishment or a curse is good. The images in the first few sections could be more precise to match the images later on in the song. If you are going for destruction by fire, could you add images of burning and fire to those first sections?
Proofreading notes:
hurt’s = hurts
loves never = love’s
Used me in ways for cruel (Not the greatest of lines. in ways so cruel? for cruelty?)
starla77 reviewed Version 1 -
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I wonder how you can call it love, as you want to “bring desease” and “burn” these people till they are “consumed”. It’s like God’s rage is rising against unfaithful people, who have dinied Him, and now He means to punish them with death. Well, I think a poet or a songwriter shouldn’t claim themselves as God, but give a message and/or create art, and I don’t feel you did it with this piece.
You should correct your grammar: “Their’s” = There’s; “hurt’s” = hurts and drop the punctuation. You don’t need it in a lyric.
In general, I find you lack of originality and style. I suggest to revise and use more imagery.
lostthunder reviewed Version 1 -
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the way this sounded to me was set to a slow almost Smashing Pumpkins feel. it was nice, but some of the words didn’t quite fit.
best example: Used me in ways for cruel.
no real suggestion on how to fix this cuz im not 1oo% about what you meant. also, the very first line just doesn’t quite make it either. unless its a spoken part and wouldnt be a singing part. but still its hard to imagine that first verse going with any kind of beat. the emotion that it invokes is a pretty good one, but all in all, a little work may need to be done with it.
LATER
Patience_is_a_virtue reviewed Version 1 -
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i really loved the first four lines of your chorus. i was definitely curious as to what genre of music you intend to set this to. the only thing… the stanza starting with “you grew and grew” didn’t quite make sense to me, specifically the third line. I’d definitely hope to hear more on your intentions for the meaning and reasoning for the specific wording. good luck until then.
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