Humor/Satire / It's a... life!

Born, learn, try
Succeed / fail*, die

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hey_sean avatar General Stranger

August 13, 2008

hey_sean

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hey_sean reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

So very true.
Unfortunately that’s about all life is. :/

Sonora avatar General Stranger

August 13, 2008

Sonora

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Sonora reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

Hmmm…I love how true it rings to life. I don’t think though that it represents all sides of life or not…it almost makes it seem as though life is defined by your success or failure, in many ways it is, but in many ways it is not as well…

Although on second thought it could be death as in the death of a dream as you fail or the death of a dream as you succeed and are lost in wordly in things, lose sight of the dream…

Very thought provoking.

DCAllen avatar General Friend

July 24, 2008

DCAllen Prolific-icon-medium

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DCAllen reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

The linear notion that success/failure comes after learning and trying is a problem for me here. We learn from failure as writers, so I’m not sure how important the order is in your text.

Also, birth and death are givens and therefore could be expressed more creatively here.

Dream_Writer avatar General Stranger

July 23, 2008

Dream_Writer

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Dream_Writer reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

I think it would be a little stronger if you put “create” or something like that in there. For many writers we don’t “try” we create, or live the work reguardless of success. Everyone sees it different, just advice to make it stronger.

prosevengeance avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

prosevengeance

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prosevengeance reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

I like the message I think is being put forth here. We are all inevitably the same, no matter what happens in our life, we end up dead in the end. It makes you think about what is and is not important in the grand scheme of things. Wonderful.

intimate_le avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

intimate_le

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intimate_le reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Spoken like a person of wisdom. It has a little humor for the simple fact it is true.

Blue_Eyes avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

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Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

The word ‘born’ seems a little off in the context of the other words. I’m not sure why, perhaps it’s the ‘tense’? Maybe try:

Born, Learned, Tried
Succeeded, Failed, Died

I don’t know why that sounds better to me, but it does.

Your piece does cover all of the aspects of a person’s creative life, so kudos on that! :)

King avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

King

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King reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Very good although one of my bete noir’s is not having a legend for when I see an asterisk. Perhaps this might have worked better.

It’s a writer’s life!

Succeed / fail, die.

Delete as necessary.

Just a thought.

Good though. Well done.

campb26593 avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

campb26593

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
campb26593 reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

This describes almost any life.

Showing 1 - 9 of 9

Creator
Fazzerelli avatar

Fazzerelli

Age: 44
Loc: Czech Republic
Gen: M
Last Login: October 08
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