if such a rigid definition of flash fiction is applied, then yes. “flash” fiction, since there is no break down on this site between sudden fictions, micro fictions, all of that, is anything that is not short fiction, at least on this site.
were there any specific comments or critiques other than disagreeable definitions?
thanks,
lu.
Flash Fiction / Thirty Word Story - "The House Fire" (Analysis)
Caroline heard the thunder-clap before seeing the flash. She smelled smoke; the front porch was aflame. The windows had bars: no escape. Reclining her chair, Caroline swigged her special-occasion whiskey.
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LaylowMang reviewed Version 1 -
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This might not make much sense:
I realize it is a 30 word story, and a 30 word story is going to be abrupt, but it almost seems like you either started too slow or finished too quick. So the ending while good just seemed too quick. Once again, I know…30 words and all that.
Maybe this kind of stuff isn’t my forte? ha.
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icedsapphire reviewed Version 1 -
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Since you have the luxury of being able to expand more, I would like to know more about Caroline. What was she doing before the lightning strike? Why are there bars on her windows? Why is there no back door? Or is there a back door…and she just doesn’t run for it?
Give us more character and setting.
I will say one thing, it does entice the reader to think…what type of woman would just sit back and drink at her life’s end?
CourtshipLives reviewed Version 1 -
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this isnt really flash fiction because there is no real plot twist. just the protagonist’s unsettling passiveness. this gets a 6 overall for its poetry.
Tragicangel003 reviewed Version 1 -
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I love how its started… I’d like elaboration on her thoughts and resignation to the fact that she’s going to be burned to death. Possibly start with the fact that the windows had bars as opposed to bringing it in after the fire. Otherwise, I think it has great potential!
Johnsienoel reviewed Version 1 -
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The windows had bars but what about the door? It is a compelling concept to be locked inside the home so definitely expand here. The concept of fire by thunderbolt is not as exciting so maybe come up with an extreme idea. If the house has bars on the window what type of neighborhood does Caroline live in? Maybe one where pipe bombs or molotov cocktails are being heaved onto rooftops.
What about Caroline’s life makes her so resigned to her fate? That would be another great concept to explore and can she swig enough of the special occasion whiskey to not feel the flames licking her feet and consuming her.
Murrr reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed this one. From what I gather, Caroline realises that there is no escape from the flames engulfing her home and has entirely given up all hope of making it out alive. She’s resigned herself and succumbed to the inevitable. It’s an interesting angle to take as it would have been a lot easier to cop out and take the whole “battling for her” life angle, so I commend you for that.
I got a kind of morbid from this and there’s something worringly engrossing about somebody who, I assume, is on the brink of death, even in thirty words.
If you were going to expand on anything I think I’d be most interested in learning a little bit more about Caroline’s character and why she doesn’t feel compelled to put up any kind of struggle for her life. What’s going on in her head when she begins to realise that there isn’t any real way out for her? In fact, what happens next? Does she perish, is she rescued?
Hope that helps :).
SymphonyMarie reviewed Version 1 -
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I would like more brief characterization. Why is she so relaxed in the midst of a fire? This would be awesome expanded upon, and now that you can, I think you should!
Marvin reviewed Version 1 -
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wow. for 30 words you do manage to squeeze in a story there. well done.
as far as fleshing things out more, you could obviously go into greater detail as to why the windows have bars. i’m assuming the doors have bars too. Also, if Caroline heard the thunder clap before seeing the flash, it reads as if the porch was aflame for some reason other than the storm. if lightning hit the porch, she’s hear it AND see it simultaneously.
Who is Caroline?
Why is she captive?
Why is she so resigned to her fate?
All things that could be touched upon if you plan to expand this.
but well done. 30 word short story challenge met.
caravans reviewed Version 1 -
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First, seeing the lightening always comes before hearing the thunder, so I guess there was another flash of lightening and then no thunder following it. Or whatever. Point is, why make a disturbing technical error? Unless there is a reason, and I don’t see one.
Then – is she inside and therefore waiting patiently to burn to death with her bottle? Strange.
This is fascinating. I want to know who she is, what she’s doing there. A good start!
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