Flash Fiction / Thirty Word Story - "The House Fire" (Analysis)

Like I said, it was written as a thirty-word assignment. One of the things that I will definitely be filling it out with is more character development. Is there anything in specific about Caroline you’d like to be added?

Thanks you so much for the review,
lu.

You might not need the first sentence; not sure if it really matters why the porch is on fire.  Perhaps using words such as “resigned” “irritated” or “amused” to describe Caroline and/or her reaction to the fire might help flesh her out a bit.

i suppose you’re right, i don’t know how much importance the first sentence has. it seems i could at least make it shorter, or fit it in with the second sentence, allowing me more words.

this was very helpful, thanks!

lu.

if such a rigid definition of flash fiction is applied, then yes. “flash” fiction, since there is no break down on this site between sudden fictions, micro fictions, all of that, is anything that is not short fiction, at least on this site.

were there any specific comments or critiques other than disagreeable definitions?

thanks,
lu.

three years of using this site has taught me that flash fiction is usually microfiction under 58 words that leads you on with a seemingly one-dimensional plot, then makes a sharp turn, usually for the worse, making it a dark genre of writing. of course you have poetic license, but if you’re gonna call it flash fiction it’s respectable to try to meet most of the criteria.  

i suppose you should tell that to all the other flash fiction writers of this site, then, because i believe you’ll find that a good majority of their pieces do not fit this criteria. and if this does not fit under the criteria of flash fiction, then what do you recommend? it certainly isn’t poetry, it’s too short for a short story, so where else would one fit it on this site than flash fiction?

and i’m even failing to really see how this piece doesn’t meet most of your specific criteria for flash fiction.

i realize this may come across bitchy or something, but i suppose i’m just annoyed that there was no real review of the piece here. so, i don’t mean to attack your opinion on the definition of flash fiction, but i guess that’s all i had to go on.

lu.

if you want my sincere review, i guess i would say this is an ironically funny scene. i see white trash Caroline gazing indifferently upon the fiery front porch and chugging a 40 oz like a legitimate badass. i guess i’d be interested in a longer version of this piece :]

hahaha, not quite what i had in mind, but it gave me a chuckle.
somehow i don’t associate sipping special occasion whiskey with chugging 40s, but to each his own. :)

when i finally get around to flushing out this piece, i will make sure to let you know.

thanks so much,
lu.

thank you!

brief character development is what i will be working on next in expanding this piece. also, i’d like to flush out the scene a bit more, have the readers understand fully what is going on in the scene, i.e. windows with bars, front porch aflame, etc.

thank you for the kind words!

lu.

you’re welcome.

i should (finally) have some time to work on this soon, so i will be addressing these issues as i expand it. most other reviewers are having the same issues with it, so i will make sure to address all those in particular, thanks so much!

i’ll let you know when i expand it, if you’re interested.

thanks again!
lu.

oh, and i LOVE the idea of molotov cocktails and such. perhaps she is caught in her house as some sort of riot ensues outside, just some old woman who has nothing to do with whatever it’s about. it’s not where i had intended to take the story at all, but i just may. for some reason it reminds me of lux the poet by martin millar. you should check it out if you haven’t before.

best,
lu.

awesome – yeh!  Let me know when you edit and repost, I would be most interested in reading.

all the best
-J

i’m so glad you got it!

i intend to expand on the actual scene and on caroline as a character, but i think i might leave out the befores and afters; i like the guessing game it leaves for the reader.

and you were very helpful, thank you!

lu.

saying she heard the thunder clap before she saw the lightning means it was right on top of her, that’s all. one of these days i’ll take the thirty word constraint off, but i’m warning you, it likely won’t be more than a hundred. it is a flash fiction piece, after all.
thanks!
lu.

blow torch? haha, i don’t think this little old lady is quite capable of handling a blow torch, even if she does have it tucked next to her la-z-boy. you know, it’s more to just have as a threat than to actually use. :]

thanks,
lu.

wait, you do realize there’s no blow torch, right? i mean, was there something in there that made you think that? i just assumed it was a joke, but let me know.
lu.

I realize there is no blow torch, but there could be.  Also, by the text of the story, she’s not old. So, the question becomes – did she choose to die without a fight, or was there simply no escape?

meh, by the text of the story, you don’t know one way or the other. although i don’t know any young female, other than myself, who values special occasion whiskey.

and yes, there lies the question. the answer is in your head.

lu.

Alright. I’m satisfied. Good luck!

one is a semi-colon and one is a colon. :] but i do see what you’re saying, i think i’m just a fan of punctuation. :]

and you pointed out the two areas that i will definitely be concentrating on when expanding this: flushing out the scene and developing caroline’s character within it. thanks so much for your suggestions and specifics!

lu.

thank you :]

lu.

caroline is meant to be an old lady, there’s no leaping for her. and it also explains her “eh” attitude towards death.

the thunder before the lightning was just supposed to show that it was right on top of her.

i don’t think i’d spend so many words explaining the bars, i don’t think the explanation for the bars is necessary to the story. the only thing that makes the bars necessary is her lack of an escape. i will fill it out with more details in necessary places, but i doubt i’ll go over a hundred words.

it’s funny, every single person seems to have a huge problem with her just accepting her death. i’d think since the reader is just introduced to the character, they wouldn’t care as much, but it seems to make them care more. i can understand many people, in many different situations, accepting death as it comes. and only a handful of them are sad.

thanks for the comments and taking time to read it, though, and i hope whenever i fill it out you will come back and let me know how you think i did.

best,
lu.

Still, lightning does not occur before thunder. Unless it comes from seperate events IE lighting unseen, thunder, new lightning.

Take what you will.

Still, lightning does not occur before thunder. Unless it comes from seperate events IE lighting unseen, thunder, new lightning.

Take what you will.

I just re-read your piece, my review, and your response. I have new comments.

The explainations you give in your reply? Those are the kinds of things to put in your revision. The character’s age, for instance.

The bars. That comment isn’t about the bars or their place in the story. It’s about rounding out the sentences so that the language is smooth, not clipped for the sake of economy. It’s an example. Like it says.

As for her accepting death. It isn’t a “huge problem” with the acceptance. It isn’t the death. It’s the burning alive. People who are in accidental fires do not chose to stay in them, on the whole. Without some kind of exposition, your reader cannot help but make connections from their own lives and experiances in regards to your piece. Therefore, it’s your job as the writer.

The thunder thing, again. I know what you meant by the thunder, but it doesn’t work. You could try other methods of showing that, such as “simultaneously” or “almost before she saw the flash,” whatever.

These kinds of choices matter. Writing is revision, always.

I appreciate your effort to respond to your reviews. Looking through them I see that you’ve responded in a similar fashion to many of them. I’d consider this: if multiple people see the same things and point out the same things, it’s a good idea to look at them. It’s a cross section, this site. Her age, for example, which I saw a few comments on, and I’m not the only one to notice the lightning oversight. You don’t have to take anyone’s advice just as you don’t need to tell your reviewers why you think they’re wrong. It’s insulting, as a reviewer, and makes you look like you don’t want critique. That makes me hit the block button, because I don’t want to waste my time, your time, or your credits. That isn’t like a threat or anything, by any means. As people give up trying to help you, this site loses it’s point. At least, for me. And that’s opinion, of course.

Alright, obviously our wires are crossed.

By not having the time to revise this specific piece yet, I am insulting my reviewers? I have said in many if not all my comments to my reviewers how I plan to change it, based on their comments and others’.

No where did I intend to be insulting or even to remotely dismiss something someone has commented. There’s no “giving up trying to help [me],” because I haven’t made any of the changes yet. So how could they respond again to the same piece?

Every review and comment you have read that has gone along with it should show that not only have I thanked every single person for their review and the time they spent on it, but that I tried to explain what I was trying to say, in response to their confusion, so they could possibly help me convey that in a way that works for them.

There is one reviewer in particular whose comments I disagreed with because he gave no reason as to why/how. And after diving deeper into it, I eventually found specifically what he was trying to say.

Please don’t assume things about what I am saying or how I may be saying them based on some text blinking at you on a screen. If I have ever come across as insulting or even negative, I assure you that was not the intent. If you’re ever confused about it, just ask, but please don’t assume.

About the bars comment, all I was saying is that it seemed you were wanting me to go into explanation of it, which isn’t necessary to the story. You had said that I should add extra words in for a smoother read, but the sentence suggestion didn’t seem to make for a smoother read, so I thought maybe you were just looking for more detail on that. I was only trying to say where I intended to go with the piece, so that you could maybe make more suggestions accordingly, that’s all.

The question about death was a sincere one, I just want to understand why people have had such a problem with it. Again, trying to pin-point exactly what the problem is here, so I know exactly what to revise and how to revise it.

And I agree, this site is useless if I don’t want critiques. But why on earth would I put my pieces up here if I didn’t? And why would I nearly always ask for clarification or more specific comments in response to reviews. Why would you want to write a review and not have the person your reviewing understand it? A review turns absolutely pointless if someone suggests I do something that is completely opposite of where I want to take the piece or makes a suggestion out of a misunderstanding of the piece. So, I either explain the misunderstanding to see if that jostles their mind to another point or a different direction/suggestion, or I ask them to further explain where they would like to see more description or what about the character they felt they needed, etc. So, in my opinion, the site becomes useless if I don’t interact and get as much as I can from each reader.

Sorry if I repeated myself so much, I’m at work and can’t really take the time to re-read. So, in closing, I’m sorry if you felt like I was insulting your review or anyone else’s, it was certainly not my intention to make waves with the people who are contributing to the (hopefully) future successful version of this piece.

lu.

Assume. Speaking of. I didn’t say you did or did not want critique. I just offered some insight that you can take or leave.

The interaction is great. It is. I’m a believer in clarification. In your response to me there is no question of clarification, though. It says: you’re wrong (or mistaken, however you wanna see it). It’s cool if you don’t agree with reviewers. I don’t take all the advice I’m given.

Just trying to point out that your response to me made me decide I don’t want to bother reviewing your work. Which, you know, is a minor thing. There are a lot of really great reviewers on this site. Meh. It doesn’t matter. Take it or leave it.

”...makes you look like you don’t want critique.” to-may-to, to-mah-to.

It was not meant to be read as “you’re wrong” in any way, shape, or form. It was meant to be “you saw this, this is what i had meant for you to see, how do i fix this?”

Yes, there are quite a few insightful reviewers on the site, but that doesn’t mean I want someone who pointed out key issues with the piece and actually made suggestions (more than a few don’t do this) to simply ignore pieces because they are mine. I take every review into consideration, each weighs heavy, but yours in particular, for it’s specificity and keenness. So, I replied with an attempt at giving you a better explanation of where I am, and hoped for a better explanation of where that makes you. Is that not asking for clarification?

I can’t ask you not to stop reviewing my pieces, but only because I know that I will reply in the same way, which is apparently not coming across as intended. So, yeah I’m not happy about it, but it’s your choice and I understand if you don’t want to risk being offended again.
lu.

Oh, I’m not specifically offended. I’m cranky. Ignore me.