Flash Fiction / Thirty Word Story - "The House Fire" (Analysis)

I love how much detail you already have with the thirty words.

For addtion though I could see many areas of expansion.

Such as -

The windows had bars: no escape.

_

This line stood out for me. As the feeling of being trapped and faced with burning to death causes so much emotion you could write about. The smell of the smoke, the warmth of the fire. The panic, then the relization of acceptance with your last line and whiskey. And reclining… how does the chair feel? Why is it special occasion whiskey…? Was she saving it for something or someone.. what does she regret now that her life is almost over? What does she think about as her last moments come near? You could take this so many different directions.

I also like how many senses you use.

Hearing it before seeing the flash.. I think you should continue to expand on senses and emotions of this peice as it is already powerful in such a limited amount of words.

Bravo!

First, thank you for leading me to your story. Besides prose-poetry, flash can be the hardest to critique. It is a photograph, or series of, not a full length talking picture. Let me review this by your rankings: publishable could be, but I think with imagery this piece could be vivid, the sound, the color of flash, how the smoke smelled, and what the fire looked like, what the whiskey looked or tasted like. Yes, you have talent. I will leave it at that. Admiration comes from within. You need to do that. Clarity: yes very much, helplessness and acceptance. I was thinking that Caroline did something, or something happened, and things are now out of control. I think it is a story of symbolism. Flash fiction, definitely. It can range from 25 to 1,000 words, not concrete, so take liberty with more words. But you included climax, character development, plot line. I do not feel sorry for Caroline; I think this is an empowerment piece. However, I would like you to develop imagery. blessings, Gregory

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August 19, 2008

by orangemilkcrate

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
54	72.7% (55 votes)	48.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Saint Louis, MO	September 27

thank you so much for all the kind and HELPFUL words.

Originally, this was written as an assignment that called for a thirty-word story. For a bit, there were all kinds of contests on the internet for thirty-word stories, so i believe that was the purpose of the assignment.

with that being said, now that it is not in the confines of an assignment, i think you are absolutely correct about adding key details, now that i can afford them. i will keep you posted for any edits in the future.

again, thanks so much for the review; it means a lot coming from a writer i respect.

-lu.

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Interesting to say the least. I like it.  It’s short but to the point and sparked a story in my head to where it can go, which I guess, is the point of the 30 word story.  I’m almost hesistant to say my idea but I’ll go ahead and say it.  Imagine her being an immortal trapped in the house and never being able to leave by someone, something.  She’s fed and given all of life’s luxuries such as the whiskey she’s drinking but she can never leave; she’s boarded up in the house which is her prison.

However, the fire that just started from the lightning will burn the house down around her, she won’t die but she don’t care.  Because with the house out of the way she is free to go.  She only has to do it before the villagers or whoever mind her get there to put out the fire.

Hmm?  Maybe a collabaration?

when lightening hits that close the flash and th crack happen at the same time.  I can’t think of anyting to add.  What isn’t said outright is between the lines, and it would ruin it to put that stuff in there.  it’s better this way.

Brevity with grace.

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October 29, 2008

by orangemilkcrate

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
54	72.7% (55 votes)	48.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Saint Louis, MO	September 27

thank you.
lu.

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