Thank you for the review. And Yes I did mean fury. I actually thought I fixed my “furry” error before I moved it here. Guess not. :)
Short Story / Murder (in two parts)
“You won’t get away with this,” she spat. Her chest constricting her lungs to the point of breathlessness, a corset constructed from her own flesh.
Judge Maddox’s eyes, two tiny black beads, flickered but gave away nothing. His face was smooth and stoic as it always was. His years on the bench had helped him perfect a stare of blank bemusement. He gave nothing away. No turn of the chin. No crease in his brow. His lips never moved. His eyes rarely darted. Joy, nor anguish, nor furry could move him. He prided himself a master of what he considered an exercise in self control.
Everything from the street that he lived on to the cereal he ate for breakfast was calculated. She in fact, had been a most artful decision and she had satisfied her purpose. Nothing more than a grocery store clerk and widowed mother of a precocious two year old, she had made for a heartwarming yarn. The general public had gobbled up headline fodder like it was free steak. “From Rags to Riches, Judge Marries Widow.”
If that doesn’t win over the masses nothing will.
More than that though, she truly was an amiable woman. She was at home on his arm during charity events, social galas, and office Christmas Parties, delicate and beautiful but not flowery. There was a hardness etched into the creases of her eyes that fascinated him. It had been her one secret, a secret that she would take to her grave.
There had been the added bonus of her stunning daughter, Bella. The very thought of her porcelain skin sent shivers through him. It was a shame the situation had gone in this direction. It was such a waste. She had been so perfectly cast.
He had counted on Lucinda’s gratitude to silence her. She really should have kept her mouth shut. Everyone would have been better off. He had provided her with a lavish life. Her fear of cinder sweeping should have been enough to keep pretense alive. It had been a misfortunate miscalculation on his part, a rare abnormality on an otherwise pristine record. But it was no matter. He had a contingency plan for such an occasion.
“Ungrateful bitch,” he mused. His voice was soft like velvet and placating. With a swift flick of the palm he sent her head spinning. “That’s probably going to leave a mark. Sorry about that. Sometimes I forget my own strength,” he soothed, though there was no apology in his tone.
There was an understated lethal quality to his voice and Lucinda’s eyes burned wide with a fire of rage as she realized it. She lunged for him, a rabid wolf attacking a fox. He easily overcame her and shoved her to the ground once more.
“How could you do this to her? She’s just a baby,” she screamed. Her voice strong and proud as it quivered; her furry was palpable.
Maddox knew her rage would drive her to irrationality. He noted the fists balled at her sides as she scrambled to her feet. She was letting her emotions get the best of her. Her weakness in such a matter was the reason he would win. Prudence would always trump rashness.
The smart thing to do, the shrewd thing to do, would have been to steal away with Bella. He would not have pursued them. When you love something set it free, and that all. He had a career to cultivate after all. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for the noble judge Maddox, abandoned by his wife and child? He considered himself to be a noble man. If Lucinda could be trusted to keep private matters between them he would leave well enough alone.
But Lucinda was certainly not the noble creature he had estimated her to be. She was proving to be less like the sleek and graceful Greyhound he had imagined her to be and more like a Chihuahua: snappy growling and constantly biting at the ankles. Chihuahua’s were most irritating creatures.
Pain seared flesh. Maddox glanced down at his hand. Five red indentations were swelling in the curve between his thumb and index figure forming a crescent of blood. Horrified, he realized she had bit him.
He could not fathom what she hoped to accomplish through this display of indignity. She was not endearing herself to him as she should, nor was she asking for mercy. He could feel the rage swelling within him, teetering on the verge of capsizing him.
No. He would not let her have that.
He yanked a fistful of her corn silk hair and swung her ear close to his lips. The heat of his breath against her skin caused her to visibly cringe. Maddox allowed a smirk to curl over his wet lips.
“What’s wrong love? I can assure you that Bella has never put on such a display. She is never half as repulsed by me as you. No,” he whispered, stealing a whiff of Lucinda’s fragrant hair, “she plays along like a good girl.”
The tiny wench of a woman snapped.
She dove for Maddox, leaving a fist full of her hair dangling from his fingertips. She was on top of him before he had even realized what had transpired. She pounded at his steal frame, fragmenting her remorse with each thunderous whack and burning it into something greater. It became a fuel for her hatred.
Her clean hands reached out for retribution and found it as they wrapped around his throat.
“I’ll kill you,” she raged
“No love. I’m afraid I’m going to be the only one doing the killing today.”
A lightening bolt of realization struck somewhere inside Lucinda’s eyes and filled them with terror. It would be the last emotion that ever did. In one fluid movement Maddox shoved Lucinda backward into the kitchen and pulled out the revolver concealed in the pocket of his trench coat.
He shot once.
Lucinda crumpled onto the cold unforgiving Italian tile, fragile a doll whose porcelain face had been shattered.
Maddox frowned for the first time that morning.
The blood was going to be impossible to scrub out of the grout. He wished he had moved their meeting into the living room. Blood, if dealt with swiftly, was a breeze to wipe from the glazed oak finish. At least, that had been his experience. He was going to have to call a cleaning crew to get the blood stains out of the grout.
Wasteful.
He pushed the regret from his mind and glanced at the clock. Six thirty two. Bella would be waking up soon for school. This was unfortunate. He was going to miss her. She had brought him such joy. She was such a delightful, if not odd, child.
Wretched Lucinda had ruined everything.
He sighed. At least he would make it quick, definitely not in the kitchen. It was the least he could do. Perhaps he would take her out to the garden. The rose bushes delighted her.
As he waited for the peculiar girl to stumble bleary eyed down the stairway Maddox contemplated what tomorrow’s newspaper would say: Judge Grieves Tragic Loss, Wife and Child Murdered.
He permitted the gentle twisting of a satisfied smile to conquer him. Overcoming such adversities could only serve his ambition. People were such idiots. He could not have planned it better if he had tried. He had been mulling over the idea of running for mayor. The timing had turned out to be quite fortuitous.
Maddox’s thoughts were interrupted by the hideous buzzing of his phone. He cringed. Maddox hated it when work overlapped into home. As a judge such things were unavoidable, but he did his best to separate the two. He owed it to his family. Maddox glanced at the caller ID read out.
Feeling irritated Maddox flipped the phone open.
“Now’s not a good time counselor. He what? How many witnesses? Yes, I know. Yes, I’ll sign the search warrant,” Maddox glanced up at the ticking cat clock above his stove. It was a hideous monstrosity with exaggerated cartoon eyes that twitched from side to side in sync with a curved ticking black cat tail. Lucinda had found it endearing
He made a mental note to have it removed tomorrow morning.
“No, don’t come here. I don’t want you to wake Bella. I’ll meet you in five minutes. The coffee house on tenth. Yes. That’s the one. No problem, counselor. As long as it’s quick; I need to be back by seven.”
Maddox flipped his phone shut and grabbed the car keys from the counter, aggravation boiling inside him. He wasn’t concerned about getting home on time. No, there would be plenty of time to take care of her. What disturbed him was the news he had received.
A minor who had been picked up for petty theft earlier that week had managed to escape from detention. He had stolen a truck and then rolled out like a fog, disappearing completely.
Repeat offender.
Some people had no regard for the law. It drove him crazy.
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SwordMistress reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed the story and thought it was well-written.
“a corset constructed from her own flesh.” This doesn’t work for me. It’s her breathing constricting her lungs not her flesh. Her skin isn’t expanding and contracting.
“gave away nothing.” I think ‘gave nothing away’ flows a little better.
“to keep pretense” keep the
“palm he sent her head spinning.” This is confusing. I get two images, one that it’s metaphorical and two that her head is literally spinning in circles, which is impossible.
“burned wide with a fire of rage” This is a little awkward. I think you could pick one either fire or rage and the read will still get the same message.
“shoved her to the ground once more.” It hasn’t been made clear that she was ever on the ground before.
“her furry was palpable.” fury
“would have been to steal away with Bella.” I would say ‘would have been for her to steal away.’ When I first read it I thought Maddox was saying he should have stole away with Bella.
“matters between them” then
“at his steal frame,” steel
I liked the lines about it having been Maddox’s experience that blood cleaned easily from the oak.
“Bella would be waking up soon for school.” Why didn’t the gun shot wake her? If he has a silencer or there is another reason that she wouldn’t hear, it should be mentioned.
“found it endearing” endearing.
“He wasn’t concerned about getting home on time.” Wouldn’t he be concerned that Bella would wake up and find her mother before he can take care of her?
I liked the ending lines – the ironic twist of words. I’ll be looking for part two, assuming this is the first part. But if this is the second part it seems strange to end the story before he takes care of Bella. So much is left in the air.
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mimici reviewed Version 1 -
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nitpick: Page 2-”prudence would always trump rashness”: there might be a better word than rashness. It sounds awkward to me.
nitpick: fury is used too often. It’s a great word but…
nitpick:Chihuahuas are most irritating creatures, doesn’t need to be said, you basically just said it in the previous sentence.
Otherwise, good, taut little story. What a bastard, lol. I agree, the ending is great, perfect. Hardly any superfluous stuff in this.
bbiddy reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked the rythym of your writing. I noticed twice you used the word “furry” and I believe you wanted “fury”. Once ‘nor furry could move him’ and ‘her furry was palpable’. I could be wrong but fury makes more sense. Good story and I like the the irony at the end.
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