Poetry / Misery

It’s good, and you do a nice job of expressing the little things that can drive us nuts. However, none of those things strike me as “misery”; they’re more like “aggravation”. The legless bit is good, very morose and miserable, but the rest doesn’t jive. Loneliness, chronic disease, mental illness, alcoholism, alienation… THOSE fit with a theme of misery.

I like some of the imagery.
change “or legless at all” to “or just legless.”
I like the last stanza the best. It’s visual, tactile and gustatory.
I think this poem lacks a consistent tone. Is it supposed to be humorous, or biting/political, or just a poem focusing on imagery? Depending on which tone you want to focus on, pick the sections that don’t quite have that tone and revise them.

I felt at times this bordered on the cliche and that Alanis Morrissette may have touched on a few.  

V1/V3 pack the biggest emotional wallop and are well executed verbally.  They delve so much deeper into the ‘misery’ this title implys.  I especially love “and you’re legless from whiskey or legless at all.” These verses impart so much more about the human condition.

The remaining verses fall flat in comparison.  They don’t really say or mean as much.  Yes!  bug bites, gum on shoes are annoyances but not what everyone might classify as misery.

I think you could eliminate all but V1/V3 and rebuild ‘misery’ around these 2 jewels and create a much stonger version of this poem.

That does sound pretty miserable. I felt as though when i was reading this i was climbing a hill and then left off just a little to climb again real quick, and then i was let off to fall again. It was quite a bumpy ride, in a good way.  I enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing.

First off, I liked the instances you used to portray misery. Everyone can relate to most or all of these situations. Personally though, most of these things come off as day to day annoyances, rather than misery…  You could also tighten this up and make it clearer with some revision. The 6th stanza needs some work- way too many “ors.” Read it aloud and I think you’ll hear where you need to rework. Consider sticking to shorter descriptions of “misery” as you established in the first three stanzas, 5 & 6 seem to exhaust themselves.    

o.o thats messed up xD
but really good I like it. you do a good job of describing how bad things are for….uh.. whomever is going throught that xD

This was most enjoyed. The Truth is outthere and life proves its just reality alive!.. I loved this peice since it is Honest and Loud!. Greatly Done and I would like to read more of these experiences threw a write like you!

and a zit you cant- can’t you forgot the ‘

that desert sounds horrible,but your poem isn’t i like it very good.

Great imagery here:”or a rock stuck in the grooves” “the registrations up,
and there’s flashing lights in the rear view”.I especially like the reference to the cop in the rear view. It reads like a litany of misery. Great title. Enjoyed reading it.

Well, its a bit mysterious as to who the writer is missing. I first thought it was a spouse but the last stanza threw me a little.

and you’re legless from whiskey
or legless at all.                
I am not sure what you are talking about.

This poem is  ambiguous on so may levels. It leaves this reader scratching her head. Iknow poetry is all about symbolism, but here, one needs a hint as to whether the subject is a grown son, daughter or spouse. Its all over the place. You insinuate that your muse is a grownup, because you mention a job, but then you throw the reader with the lost tooth. You are very good with adjectives, but about who and what?

bug bite you can’t scratch
and a zit you cant pop.
Gum on the soles of your shoes,
or a rock stuck in the grooves
This all sees meaningless to me because who can’t pop a zit or scratch a bug bite. I am sorry but i am irritated because i cannot get the jest of this. I’ll bet you are an ace writer, too. I am sorry that i don’t know what it means. Maybe i am missing something. You might need to give the reader just a little hint as to who you are writing about. Then it might all come together. Sandi