Screenplay / A Broad and a Rock

(Black.)

VO:  “Joe Perault” read the sign hanging above the dingy pawnbroker’s shop.  Joe’s office was actually across the street, ever since the owner of the self-named detective agency had been thrown out on his ear after being unable to pay the rent.  The sign still attracted some attention, and the current resident, a pawnbroker, was more than glad to redirect any potential customers in the proper direction.  Joe had made it very clear that it was in the interests of the pawnbroker’s meticulously cared for teeth that the sign never should be removed.  The nervous little man in his carefully groomed Oxford tweed got the point and made no attempt to do so.  So when the cops came, they closed the pawnbroker the first time around.  They sorted out their mistake of course, but it took a week coupled with a lot of irate whining from the pretentious pawnbroker.  Joe hadn’t laughed so hard in many, many years.  

Joe:  (VO) The bar was a seedy dive.  It had stood during the Prohibition, and not much had changed since.  Charlie, the guy who ran the joint just offered an ear to the hordes of nearly broke winos and poured more beer.  The place was officially named “The Safari,” but was nicknamed as “The Waterhole” because this was where Charlie was rumored to get his liquor.  No dame would be caught dead in here, not even the hookers.  The joint had only two rules: one, in the event of a fight, Charlie went through the unconscious loser’s pockets first to pay for damages.  Two, only friends of the bartender could run up a tab.  I had a big tab.

(scene: cheap bar, empty save for one person.  Joe Perault slumped over, drinking.  Charlie, a bartender, shakes him on the shoulder)

Joe:  I’ll take another one.

Charlie:  Closin’ time, Joe.  It’s midnight.

Joe:  What of it? C’mon, Charlie, lemme drown my sorrows in the sweet stuff.

Charlie:  Sorry, Joe.  Time to take a hike. (He gestures around to the empty bar)  No one’s here and you can visit another dive.

Joe:  All right. (slowly stands up)

(bar door swings open.  Enter MacDonald, a manipulative police chief, flanked by two cops)

Joe:  (sniffing air) It’s later than you said. Some one’s cooking bacon for breakfast.  Goddam pigs.

Mac:  Well boys, it seems that Ol’ Joe fancies himself a comedian, as well as a petty crook.

Charlie: (slightly hostile) Whaddya want here, Chief MacDonald?

Mac:  (points at Joe) We’re here to take the comedian for a ride

Joe:  Dammit, Mac, you got five years of my life already for extortion, assault, B&E, and theft, as well as a few I swear you cooked up yourself.  I ain’t done nothin’ since the feds let me loose.

Mac:  Well if that’s your story, by all means keep it.  But you’re going to be handed to the judge on a silver platter, and I intend to do it.

Joe: (venomously) Yeah?  What trumped up charge you got this time, you lowlife pig?”

Mac: Don’t act a tool, Joe.  Last night you killed your ex-wife and her lover at the Hotel Grande.

Joe:  (suddenly interested) You finally got my ‘ttention.  Maybe I’d better take a trip with you after all.  (Puts a few dollar bills on the bar)  That should cover the tab, Charlie.  If it doesn’t, too bad, ‘sall I got on me.  (walks over to Mac)

Mac:  (sarcastic) How touching.

(scene: apartment building.  Two bodies on the floor, Kennet and Mary.  Both have been shot.  Joe slowly runs his eyes over Mary’s corpse.  Mac watches Joe)

Mac:  There, your ex-wife.  Mary.

Joe:  (VO) I married her six years ago, when she was young, smart, and vibrant.  She was always waiting for me at the end of a day.  Then Chief MacDonald had come by and carted me off to the Springfield slammer.  Five years later, when I got out of that hellhole, she was once again waiting for me, this time with divorce papers in hand.  I found out from various toadies in the gutter that she had wasted absolutely no time crying for me as I went behind bars.  In fact, they told me that she had gotten very friendly with the pawnbroker.  And the grocer.  And a few of the police.  Once the paperwork was done, I had no choice but to watch her ride off into the sunset with a young sergeant on her arm.  We maintained a correspondence, in the same way one maintained a broken fence.  I just saw her the other day, prancing down the street without a care in the world, as fresh as ever while I grew older and more bitter.

(camera pans over bodies)

Mac:  (breaking the silence) Damn ugly mess.

Joe:  (walks over to wall, his back to Mac) And I suppose that you want to arrest me again?

Mac:  (sneering) Don’t I wish.  Unfortunately, your poker chums refused to give you up for last night.  I got no grounds.  Anyhow, I don’t think you did it in the first place.  Not your style.

Joe: Why not?

Mac:  Door locked, window locked.  Some one stole the key from the main desk and got in that way.  You, you just beat in doors and force your way through the splinters.  Subtlety ain’t your strong point, Joe.

Joe:  Then what d’you want with me, why’d you show me this?

Mac:  Two reasons.  One, this guy’s name was Jeff Kennet.  He’s a small time smuggler out by the cliffs.  We think he’s part of a bigger organization, but all of our stoolies are suspiciously close-mouthed about him.  As much as I hate saying it, you’ll be better at this job than my men could be.  Two, I want you to do it for Mary.

Joe:  (thinks about it, turns away from the window) Pay?

Mac:  (sighing) Are you trying to pull something?  I can’t fund a damn convict!  Do it for Mary, please?

Joe:  starts walking out the door) Didn’t think so, but it was worth a shot.  (He pauses and turns back) What was Mary to you, that you want me to do this?

(Mac’s face hardens and he turns away)

Joe: (sneering) You were her man, weren’t you?  (takes Mac’s silence as an answer)  Hope you enjoy gonorrhea.

(Joe exits room, leaving Mac fuming)

(scene: car driving up to Specs’s house.  Joe gets out and walks up to the house, knocking on the door)

Joe: (VO) “Specs” Archer was another ex-private eye.  His real name was Jeremiah, from his God-fearing parents.  Specs had returned the favor by ditching his family for a life on the streets.  An automobile accident had left him nearly blind.  He wore a large pair of aviators as glasses   I met him when we were both hired to tail a bigamist.  Since then, we worked together fairly often.  Specs could get any piece of information, anywhere, and I could put it together.  We were thinking about becoming a single agency when I got slung in the slammer.

(the door is opened by Specs, a small man in huge aviator sunglasses, who is pleasantly surprised to see Joe.  He claps Joe on the back.)

Specs:  Joe! Damn, man!  Where’ve y’been?

Joe:  Oh, I’ve been out and about, out and about, you know.

Specs:  (excited, gesturing for Joe to enter) Come in, come in.  We’ve got a lot to catch up on.  (pause)Or is this business?

Joe:  Business, I guess

Specs: (deflates) All right, I should’ve known.  But still, come in.  You’re thirsty?

Joe: Yeah, a little

(scene: Joe and Specs sitting at a table inside)

Specs:  God, man, I haven’t seen you in years.  Not since . . . well, not since you and Mary finally diced the knot, to put it bluntly.  You really haven’t changed a bit

Joe:  You, on the other hand, have done quite good.  Look at you!

Specs:  (polite cough) I dabbled a bit in stocks, pulled out before anything could go wrong.  And here we are.  (walks over to cabinet, pulls out reddish liquor)  ‘Fraid that I’ve somewhat lost my taste for the old hard stuff.  I’ve got plenty of Merlot, though.

(Specs pours two glasses of Merlot.  Joe thanks him.  Specs sits down, sipping at his drink.  Joe kicks back his in three or four gulps.  There is a pause.)

Specs:  OK, Joe.  What’s up with you?  Coupla days ago, I had ol’ bastard MacDonald sniffing about, trying to peg you down.  I know something’s up.

Joe:  (staring at his drink) I’m here because Mac found me.  He’s got a job for me.

Specs:  (lunges to his feet) You’re gonna work for the pigs now?  Joe, you’re-!

Joe:  (cutting him off)  Mary’s been murdered, Specs.

Specs:  (freezes, then slides back into his chair) Oh.  Well . . .

Joe:  I need your help, Specs, like the old days.  You can learn stuff without sticking your head out

Specs:  I’m in, all the way if you need me

Joe:  (shaking head) This may get too hot for me to have you risking anything.  Look, right now all I need is info on a suspected smuggler.  Jeff Kennet.  What do you know about him?

Specs:  (thinking) Kennet, no.  Never heard the name before.  If you want to know, talk to Carson, down by the boats

Joe:  (standing up) Thanks. Didn’t know he was still around.  If I could ask another favor . . .

Specs:  Anything.

Joe:  Do a little sniffing on Mary.  Who’s she with, where she went, you know the drill.

Specs:  Sure.  Good luck.

Joe:  (kicking back the rest of his drink before turning to leave) Damn straight

(scene: the docks, where Carson, a self-important, small time fence is trying to be discreet in purchasing questionable items.  Joe strolls up to him.  Carson sees him coming and smiles insincerely)

Carson:  Well, my old chum Perault comes to mine humble haunt.  I-!

(Joe simply punches him in the face.  Carson collapses.  Joe heaves him up by his lapels.)

Carson:  (spluttering) Dammit, if I’d known you were coming out of retirement-!

Joe:  (cutting him off, harshly) I want to know everything about a Jeff Kennet

Carson:  You can go to hell!

(Joe slams his fist into Carson’s stomach twice.  The fence doubles over.  Joe pulls him up so the two’s faces are inches apart.)

Joe:  Listen up good, Carson.  You’re going to tell me everything you know about Kennet.  Unless you want me to keep pounding your mug.  Got it?

(Carson struggles to get away, but can’t.  He visibly deflates.)

Carson:  OK, Joe, OK, I give, I give

Joe:  (threateningly) Kennet.

Carson:  Right, right, Kennet.  Small-time freelancer.  Doesn’t work with anyone in particular.  Was working with him three days ago, delivering a package

Joe:  What kind of package, delivering it to who?

Carson:  Week ago, I got a call from a guy named Mumba.  Mumba’s a contact of mine.  Deals with an Ivory Coast export agency.  Arranges for pickups.  Told me to escort a man named Kennet in a delivery.  I met the guy, then he drove me to that old house, outside of town, like. You know, the one that’s just been bought.   We drove up and dropped off the package under a loose deck board.  Then we cut loose.

Joe:  What was in the package?

Carson:  (squirming) Swear to God, don’t know.  It was just a package, wrapped in brown paper, ‘bout the size of two of a man’s fists.  Don’t know nothing, really, nothing!

(Joe releases the fence and walks back to his car.  Behind his back, Carson glares after him)

(scene;  Harrison’s house.  Joe eyes it and walks up to the front door.  He knocks.  There is a pause before the door is opened by Elsie.)

Elsie:  (sternly) Hello?

Joe:  (taking a minute to catch his breath as he takes in Elsie) Yeah, you live here?

Elsie:  (not showing any reaction) I’m Professor Harrison’s secretary.  What do you want?

Joe:  (obviously improvising) Right, I’m here to see him.  Now.

(Elsie looks Joe up and down.  She appears to sniff, but allows him inside.  As he steps inside, Joe quickly examines the interior of house. Enter Harrison, an arrogant professor, down the stairs.)

Harrison:  Excuse me?

Joe:  (smiling insincerely) Harrison, right?

Harrison:  Professor Lawrence Harrison, at your service.

Joe:  (offering his hand)  Joe Perault.

Elsie:  Professor, I-.

Harrison:  (ignoring the offered hand) Don’t worry, Elsie, I’ve heard a lot about Mr. Perault.  I do wonder though, what he seeks here.

Joe:  Actually, I’m here on business, Professor.  It’s about the package that was supposed to be dropped off here

Harrison:  (stiffening slightly)  Indeed.  About this package, why hasn’t it been delivered?  I’m paying your employer quite well.  When should I expect it?  I presume-.  (forced chuckle)   I presume that you have acquired it?  I do hope that our dear Mister Retman isn’t thinking of trying anything devious.

Joe:  (bluffing) No, don’t worry.  You’ll get it.

Harrison:  I anticipated its timely arrival two days ago.  I will allow for two more.  After that, I will consider our gentlemen’s agreement null and void.  Understood?

(Joe nods.  He steps out the door taking one last look at Elsie as he leaves.)

(scene: Joe’s home.  Joe dials a number on his phone.)

Specs:  (over the phone) Archer

Joe:  Specs?

Specs:  Joe! What’s up, what’s going on?

Joe:  Not much.  I need you to do a bit of sniffing for me

Specs:  (chuckles) I thought that’d be it.  ‘Fraid that Mary’s been keeping a very low profile recently.  Nobody seems to know anything.  Whatcha need now?

Joe:  I need you to dig around a bit, find out about a Professor Harrison and a man named Retman

Specs:  Done.  Call you tomorrow.

Joe:  No.  I won’t be around, find me at Charlie’s

Specs:  (chuckles again) Same ol’ Joe.  See you there ‘bout noon

(Joe hangs up the phone)

(scene: the bar.  Joe and Specs sit at the bar, drinking.  Charlie is cleaning glasses.)

Specs:  Okay, here’s the scoop

Joe: (pulling away from his drink) All ears

Specs:  First, Harrison.  He’s actually is some professor, studied in England.  Made quite a bit of money somewhere in Burma, left there with a secretary and a wad of cash.  Shady fellow, doesn’t have the greatest reputation.  Underground connections, supposedly.  He’s most recently from somewhere in Africa; I think it’s the Ivory Coast

Joe:  (sipping his drink) That’s where Carson said the package came from.  Keep going.

Specs:  Retman is more dangerous.  He’s a Dutchman, not the kind from Holland, the kind from Pennsylvania.  He’s the rumored head of the various smuggling rings about.  That’s his main run; his hobbies involve extortion and bribery

Joe:  (sarcastically) A nice guy

Specs:  Right

(pause)

Specs:  How do you know that this has anything to do with Mary at all?

Joe:  I don’t.  This whole thing is going on my gut

(Elsie’s voice is heard)

Elsie:  Mr. Perault?

(Joe turns to see the secretary. She is obviously worried about something.  He and Specs quickly stands up, Joe knocking over his chair in the process)

Joe:  (surprised but not hostile) What the hell are you doing here?

Elsie:  Mr. Perault, something’s happened. . . oh, I can’t talk about it.  You’ve got to come, now

(Charlie collapses behind the bar.  Joe points a thumb at the bartender, who Specs leans over..)

Joe:  Specs, look after Charlie, I’ll be right back (to Elsie)  He doesn’t get many women in here, and his ticker ain’t so good.  He’ll be okay.  Now, what’s up?

Elsie:  My car’s outside, I’ll drive.  Come on

(The scene cuts to outside, Elsie’s car.  She clambers in the driver’s side and Joe gets in the passenger side.)

Joe:  So.  Where are we going?

Elsie:  (suddenly regaining her composure, speaking grimly) We’re going to see Mr. Retman

Joe:  Huh-?!  

(A Thug reaches from the backseat and whacks Joe on the back of the head.  He collapses.)

(scene:  Retman’s basement.  Joe is tied in a chair. The camera shows him from the side, not yet revealing Retman, a sinister smuggling lord who constantly has a chuckle in his voice,  A Thug, and Elsie standing behind him. Joe wakes up, wincing)

Retman:  Well, well, well, our friend awakes, he does.  So glad to have you with us, Mr. Perault.  I’ve been very anxious to meet you

(Joe tries to turn around, but the ropes prevent it.)

Joe:  Where the hell am I?

Retman:  You are in my basement, Mr. Perault.  One of those precautions, yes?  You must understand

Joe:  What d’you want?

Retman:  A good question, Mr. Perault, a very good question!  But I forget my manners.  Mr. Perault, my name shall be . . . Meshner

Joe:  (derisively) Don’t feed me a line.  Your goddamn name’s Retman.  Elsie couldn’t resist a little drama, before your gorilla cold cocked me

Retman:  (chuckling) Miss Marner, you seem to have beaten my little game before I began.  Congratulations

Elsie:  (defensively) I had no idea that you were going to play these tricks, don’t blame me.

Retman:  (after a pause, not longer laughing.  His voice is icy and cold)  No matter, no matter.  We come to the crux of the matter.  Mr. Perault, Yesterday you were seen thrashing a wharf rat named Carson.  Today he turns up dead.  I want to know why one of my employees is residing in the morgue.

Joe:  I ain’t saying nothing until you untie me

Retman:  Please, Mr. Perault-.

Joe:  (cutting him off)  Look, Retman, I’m in your house, in your hands.  I’m surrounded by your men.  You know I’m unarmed, since you probably had me frisked.  Now untie me!

(There is a pause, and A Thug comes into the camera and unties Joe.  He turns his chair and the camera pans to reveal the triad he now faces.  The camera holds on Retman for a few seconds as Joe rubs circulation back into his arms.)

Retman:  Now, talk

Joe:  (glaring) Ain’t you polite.  Look, yesterday Mac picked me up and showed me the body of my ex-wife.

Retman:  Mac?

Joe:  MacDonald, the police chief.  Anyhow, what’s up is that she’s dead, dead in some random man’s arms.  So I decide to look up some ‘old friends’ like Carson, see, ‘cause Mac tells me our mystery man is a smuggler.  He tells me what I want to know and I split.  Nothing more

Retman:  You would swear to this?

(Joe nods)

Retman:  And yet you showed up at Professor Harrison’s dwelling place, pretending to be one of my employees

Joe:  Carson said he had brought some package to Harrison’s joint, along with the stiff.  Harrison said he never got it.  I got curious

(Retman stares at Joe thoughtfully for a second.  The constant laughter returns to his demeanor.)

Retman:  Mr. Perault, I believe you, oddly.  Tell you what, I want to offer a business proposition to you.  You’ve gotten this far on your instincts as far as I can tell.  You’re also known as being a rather shifty man around town.  I believe I can offer you something.

Joe:  Well, hurry up and offer it

Retman:  I am going to explain everything that has led up to this.  It may help you, or it may not.  Regardless, I expect that you will help me find this missing package.  Do you agree?

Joe:  Pay?

Retman:  (another overt laugh) So you are as mercenary as they say.  Very good, very good.  I prefer men whose loyalty can be bought.  I always know where I stand with them.  For your services, Mr. Perault, I offer you the sum of eight hundred dollars, plus another two hundred if you yourself bring me the goods I want

Joe:  Done

(Retman pulls over a chair, waving off A Thug, who vanishes off-camera.)

Retman:  Now, Mr. Perault, I shall start at the beginning.  About two months ago, I was contacted by Professor Harrison, late of Burma.  He was fleeing some legal trouble that had occurred while he was on the Ivory Coast.  Unfortunately, he had left behind a rather valuable trinket.  You see, while our dear professor was in Burma he managed to acquire a rather rare artifact: the Eye of Mala.  The Eye was a magnificent ruby, an important religious symbol to one of the many tribes there.  I suppose there was some story of a curse upon it, but that doesn’t matter.  The professor grabbed it and ran for one reason: its value.  Mr. Perault, this poorly cut red gemstone is valued at three quarters of a million dollars I was contracted to run the gemstone from Africa to here.  I had a contact of mine, Mumba, do the actual shipping across the ocean.  I had the currently departed Jeffery Kennet actually bring the gemstone in.  Mumba, being the careful man he is, arranged for the also currently departed Daniel Carson to escort Kennet to the professor’s mansion.  To prevent him from running with it, you see.  They picked up and dropped it off and reported to me that the job was done.  That was two days ago.  All very neat and tidy, you agree?

(Joe nods.)

Retman:  Well,” Retman continued.  “Then yesterday, I got a rather irate phone call from our good friend the professor, wondering why I had sent a man around when he hadn’t got the package.  Since I hadn’t sent a man around and had sent the package, I proceeded to investigate and discovered that you had actually been foolish enough to give your real name.  I sent out the word that I wanted you brought in.  And here we are

Joe:  (gesturing at Elsie) And what’s the girl got to do with you?  She’s been with the professor since Burma

Retman:  Very good, Mr. Perault, you’ve gotten quite a bit of information in a very short time.  Professor Harrison used Miss Marner as the runner, as the only contact the two of us had.  You see, we were afraid of police interference.  A fear that turned out to be entirely irrelevant

Joe:  (suspiciously) Right.  Why weren’t the police an problem?

Retman:  Mr. Perault, it turned out that our dear police chief actually had a mole in my organization!  He found out about the deal, and offered his services.  He arranged for all his officers’ patrol routes to leave a clear route for the delivery.  All in return for a cut, of course.  (pause)  I do wonder why, though, Chief MacDonald, arranged for you to investigate.  Almost as if he knew that the gemstone was missing

Joe:  (irritated at himself) I’m sure that we both have some questions to ask him

Retman:  And you will be asking them, I’m sure.  (stands up) Now, I have some very pressing matters to attend to.  Jack, see our guests out.  Miss Marner, would you be so kind to drive Mr. Perault back to where you picked him up?  Thank you.

(Joe follows Elsie off-camera)

(scene:  Elsie’s car, parked)

Elsie:  Here.  This where you live?

(Joe nods, tired)

Elsie:  (timidly) Sorry about earlier.  Jack wasn’t supposed to bash you so hard.

Joe:  (flashes a tight grin) Don’t worry about it, kid.  I’ve taken worse

Elsie:  No, I’m really sorry.  I really didn’t want to do it

Joe:  Relax.  Retman judged me right, thinking I’d go for a cute dame

Elsie:  (bashfully, though flattered)  You’re just saying that

Joe:  (maliciously) Damn straight, I’m just saying that.  He could’ve sent anybody and I’d have fallen for it.  Don’t trust nothing I try to flatter you with

Elsie:  (angry) Then you’re as crooked as they say!

Joe:  (bemused) Oh? What do they say about me?

Elsie:  You’re the most untrustworthy guy in town.  You were sent to jail for it, for Christ’s sake!  Extortion, bribery, theft anything to get the job done.  And that you only take the jobs to line your pockets.  Oh, and they say you sold out your wife to get time off!

(Joe lunges up in his seat, grabbing Elsie’s arm.)

Joe:  (building up into a crescendo, each word a separate statement) Never.  Say.  I.  Betrayed.  MARY!!

(Elsie flinches.  Joe releases her arm and collapses back into his seat.  There is a long pause.  She simply watches him as he starts talking)

Joe:  I did a repo job for a guy named Karoli a few years ago.  Unfortunately, the stuff was being held by the smuggle ring baron at the time, Josef Linowski.  I broke into Linowski’s joint and got the stuff.  Linowski found out I did the job.  He went to Mac, who wasn’t the police chief then, with some bogus charge.  I had run into Mac a coupla times before, and made him look like a fool at least twice.  Anyhow, I’m not sure of the full story, but I think between them they cooked a list of bogus charges and stiff-armed a coupla witnesses.  I went down for five years.  Mac got promoted for busting me away to Springfield.  He then went after Linowski and got him put away in the slammer as well.  (pause)  I got time off for good behavior.  I sent a letter to Mary right before I skipped.  Then they released to me.  I marched right up to the house, a proud and free man.  I opened the door and found Elsie sitting at the kitchen table.  I tried to give her a kiss, a hug, anything, but she refused.  I guess I got kinda confused at that point.  She sat me down at the table.  Then she looked me straight in the eye, like, and told me that she had met a, quote, ‘very nice policeman.’  She pointed to the table, and lying on it was some papers. Divorce papers.  She told me to sign.  (swallow)  I fought her for a while, but I never was able to refuse her anything.  I gave in.  After I wrote my name, I never saw her from closer than thirty feet.  She was always so happy, so full of life.  And just like that all the joy left life.  I had fought the streets to bring in dough for her, and I had fought the pigs in the Springfield slammer so I could be back with her.  She threw away nearly a decade of marriage for some goddamn cop.  Like sand in the wind.  (He suddenly cuts himself off, angrily)  Why the hell am I telling you this?

(Joe looks at Elsie and sees the pity written on her face.)

Joe:  (disgusted at himself) Thanks for the ride.

(Joe steps out of the car)

(scene:  Joe’s room.  Joe dials a number on the phone)

Specs:  (on phone) Hello, Archer residence

Joe:  Specs, you sound so high and mighty

Specs:  Joe!  What’s the scoop, man?  I waited six hours for you, for nothing

Joe:  Nothing, Specs.  The whole damn thing was a setup.  The dame took me in right straight

Specs:  (awkwardly) Ah.  Right.  So, uh, what d’ya need?

Joe:  Look, Specs, things are getting hot.  Really hot.  I met Retman.  Apparently everyone’s stoked over a ruby that Harrison had shipped over.  Look, everybody’s stoked over this rock.  I’m going to see Mac in the morning, and I need you to try and find out if anybody’s got anything to do with rubies.  Retman and Mac’ll have beat men looking too, so watch your back

Specs:  Hell, man, this is getting complicated.  I don’t know if I can help you here, but I’m game.  Ring me up tomorrow and we’ll see what I’ve found

Joe:  Good man

(Joe hangs up)

(scene: the police station, Mac’s office.  The police chief is relaxing when a commotion is heard outside.  Enter Joe, angry, with another Cop trying to dissuade him from entering)

Joe:  Damnit, Mac!

Mac:  (to the cop) Let him be.

(exit Cop)

Mac:  (turning to Joe, smirking) Good ol’ Joe, how’s the investigation coming?

(Joe grabs Mac by his lapels and pulls him face-to-face)

Joe:  (forcibly calm) You knew what was going on!  You played me from the start!  Now answer me, (shouts) WHO KILLED MARY

Mac:  (still smirking) I don’t know.  If I did, I wouldn’t have asked you to investigate.

Joe:  But you knew about the ruby!

Mac:  Yes, I did.  But I’m not stupid enough to say, ‘Hey, Joe, wanna look for a ruby for me?’ You would’ve spat at me and turned around, and I would’ve watched the back of your goddamn trench coat walk away.

Joe:  (releasing Mac) Right.  How does Mary come into this at all?

Mac:  (sitting down) She doesn’t.  Kennet was her man, not me.  I just let you think I was to get you in.  (smugly) Face it, Joe, you’re in.  I know you too well.  You have to see this to the end.  Once you sink in your teeth, you never let go.

(Joe stares at Mac for a second and then punches him in the face.  Exit Joe, with Mac glaring after him)

(scene: Joe’s apartment.  The phone rings.  He mutters under his breath and answers it)

Joe:  Perault

Specs:  (on phone, sounding frantic) Joe, man!

Joe:  Specs?

Specs:  Yeah.  Hey, look, man, you got to get down here, now, my place

Joe:  Yeah, sure, what’s up?

Specs:  Don’t want to say.  I’ve got a visitor.  Hurry!

(There is a click as Specs hangs up.  Joe pulls together his things and walks out the door)

Joe:  (VO) A lot of guys were looking for this ruby.  Mac, Harrison, Retman, everyone wanted the rock.  But no one seemed to have backstabbed the rest.  Harrison could be lying about not having it, but that wasn’t likely since he had probably paid the others in advance and then had no reason to lie about it.  Retman might have taken the rock and might have had Kennet and Carson killed to cover it up.  That sounded good, and the eight hundred he had offered me would be nothing next to the three-quarters of a million that the ruby could rake in.  But why wait to kill Carson?  Mac could’ve grabbed the package, since he knew the route it as on.  Of course, then he had no reason to involve me.  It was a tangled mess.  I was going to unravel it, though.  If I could figure out who stiffed Kennet, then I would know who stiffed Mary.  That was my main goal.  Of course, the rock would be a nice prize. . . .  I wondered what Mary would have thought of the whole thing.  That’s when I got it.  I knew who had swiped the prize.

(scene:  Specs’s house.  Joe walks up to the door amidst the end of the VO.  He knocks once and Specs cracks open the door.  He is jumpy and nervous.  Joe sings the door open and grabs him by the shoulders.)

Joe:  Specs!  I’ve got it!

Specs:  Sure, Joe, sure.  Look-

Joe:  (cutting him off) Specs, remember the days we spent casing the docks?

Specs:  (confused) Yeah, what-?

Joe:  What’s the normal drop-off run?

Specs:  The usual drop-off?  The delivery men leave their haul at a hidden location near the receiver.  The only problem is that anyone who knows the hiding place can. . . . (he trails off, giving Joe a long look)

Joe:  Kennet and Carson did get the ruby, and they did drop it off at Harrison’s.  Carson told me where they had stuck it, but I didn’t think anything of it.  Only a few people knew where it was.  Harrison and Retman, of course, and Mac probably used his plant to find out.  But everyone’s been forgetting who else knew it.  Think, Specs.  Who was the go-between?  Who knew everything?  Elsie.  Elsie swiped the rock before anyone else got to it!  (he pushes past Specs, calling inside) Isn’t that right, kid?

(Enter Elsie, obviously worried and nervous.  She doesn’t meet Joe’s eyes)

Specs:  Tell you what, I’ll bring drinks out to the patio

(Exit Specs.  Joe and Elsie move onto his patio.  The two of them lean over the railing, with a pregnant silence between them.  Joe breaks it.))

Joe:  So, kid.  You swiped the rock.  And now you think that you’ve gotten in over your pretty little head.  So you come to big, tough me for help. When did it go wrong, Elsie?  When I came poking around, or when Carson and Kennet got stiffed?  You knew somebody would eventually figure you out. . .

Elsie:  (distracted) I thought it, it would go smoothly.  Then Carson’s body was left on Retman’s porch, and, and I got scared.  I wish I hadn’t. . .

(She breaks into tears, grabbing Joe.  Enter Specs with three glasses of Merlot.  He stares at Elsie, confused.  Joe smiles cheerily at him and gestures for a glass.  Specs hands it to him while giving him an odd look.  Joe kicks it back in one gulp.)

Joe:  Relax, Specs.  She’s tired.  I’ll drive her home, and try to sort this hell of a mess out.

(Specs nods and exits)

Joe:  You took a taxi here, right? ‘Cause I don’t see your car

(Elsie nods)

Joe:  (under his breath) Right.  Where d’you live?

Elsie:  The Hotel Grande

Joe:  Huh, Harrison pays good.  Come on, I’ll get you home.

(exit Joe and Elsie)

(scene:  Elsie’s room.  The same type of room as Mary was found in, as it is the same building.  Joe guides Elsie over to a chair.  She is no longer sobbing, and merely seems fatigued now.)

Joe:  Well, here you go.  (he waits for a few seconds as he examines the room, then looks into Elsie’s eyes)  Elsie, I need to see the ruby

(She stands up and gets out a paper bag and hands it to Joe.  He reaches in and pulls out the ruby.  The camera plays over it in his hands)

Joe:  OK, we’ve got a strong bargaining chip

(Elsie smiles weakly)

Joe:  (trying to lift her spirits) C’mon, kid.  We hold the aces now, and we’re going to win this hand.  (pause)  Stop worrying, kid.  I’ll keep the bulls at bay.  (Looks at her closer)  Hey, kid.  You OK?

(Elise collapses.  Joe rolls his eyes)

Joe:  That answers that question.

(he levers her over to the bed before collapsing in the chair himself)

(scene: Elsie’s room.  Nighttime. Joe gets out of the chair an dials a number into the phone.  There is a long pause)

Specs:  (on phone, tired and angry at being disturbed)  Damnit, this is Archer!  What the hell d’you want?!

Joe:  Specs

Specs:  Joe!  It’s three in the morning, goddammit!

Joe:  Sorry, Specs, but I’ve got some stuff I need to do.  Look, I hate to ask this, but I need to use your house for a small party tonight, around eleven

Specs:  (pause) OK, you’ve got it, but you better explain later

Joe:  Thanks.  I also need you to call an old friend

Specs:  Who?

Joe:  John Pettrachi

Specs:  (shocked) What

Joe:  I’ve got some directions for him, let me know what he says

Specs:  You sure?

Joe:  Damn straight

(Joe hangs up.  He looks around, grabs the bag, and leaves the room)

(scene: a Pawnbroker’s shop.  A Pawnbroker is cleaning a gem.  Enter Joe with the bag.)

Pawnbroker:  Good evening, can I help you?

Joe:  You a pawnbroker?

Pawnbroker:  Yeah.

Joe:  Look, I’ve got a piece of merchandise I want you to check out.  Tell me what it’s worth, and I won’t cause you any trouble

(the Pawnbroker nervously takes the bag and looks inside, examining the contents.)

(scene:  Elsie’s room.  Enter Joe.  Elsie is sitting on the bed. She looks at him.)

Elsie:  (playfully) Where’ve you been, up so early?

Joe:  (insincerely) Oh, just decided to take a midnight stroll

(scene: Specs’s house.  Joe and Elsie pull up.)

Elsie:  Joe, what are we doing here?

Joe:  I arranged for a meeting tonight.  After tonight, we don’t have to worry about anything.

Elsie:  What are you talking about?

Joe:  (flashing his teeth) You’ll see

(The pair walks up to the door.  Joe knocks, and is answered by Specs.)

Specs:  They’re all here, waiting in the parlor

Joe:  Right, here we go

(The three of them walk into the parlor.  Seated there are Mac, Retman, and Harrison, holding glasses of Merlot, all of whom are staring at Joe.)

Harrison:  Mr. Perault, I’m sure that I speak for all of us when I inquire as to the purpose of this meeting

Retman:  True, true

Joe:  I’ll be blunt.  You’re all here because I’ve done what you all wanted me to do.  I’ve got the rock

Mac:  (jumping to his feet) Well, where the hell is it?  (pointing to Elsie) And why’s she here?

Joe:  (placing a hand on Mac’s chest and pushing him back into his seat) She’s got a part to play.  Sit down, Mac.  I’ve got the rock in the car.  Specs, could you get it?  The back’s unlocked; it’s in a paper bag.

(Exit Specs)

Harrison:  I’m not sure why Mr. Archer’s involvement is necessary

Joe:  This is as close to neutral ground as you’re going to get.  None of you have any heavies here.  I can’t of laid any traps here because it’s not my joint.  Specs hates messes on his turf, so this way no one tries another backstab

(Specs returns with the bag, handing it to Joe, who pulls out the ruby)

Harrison:  (standing up and reaching out a hand for the ruby) Well, now that I’ve got my property, I see no further reason for this meeting.

(Joe replaces the ruby in the bag)

Joe:  Not yet, Professor.  I’ve still got a story to tell

Retman:  Yes, sit down, my dear man.  I for one am very curious to learn how our Mr. Perault came by this gem.  Aren’t you, Chief MacDonald?

Mac:  (fidgeting, irritated) A little

Harrison:  (sitting down) Very well.  Continue

Joe:  Thank you.  Now, we’ll start at the beginning. The professor here has his rock run over the high seas by an Ivory Coast ‘export agency.’  It is then picked up by Jeff Kennet.  Kennet meets up with Carson, and the two of them run it over to the Professor’s.  All good.  And then the complications begin.  Miss Elsie Marner, here, decides to swipe the rock

(everyone looks at Elsie, who cringes behind Joe.  There is a pause.   Retman slowly starts laughing, building up to a crescendo)

Retman:  Very good, Miss Marner, very good!  Old fashioned sexism comes back to bite us.  Capital!

Harrison:  (indignantly) Elsie!

Joe:  (bemused) Now then, Elsie steals the stone.  Unfortunately, she’s not the only one with designs on it.  Mac also tries a backstab.  This is pure conjecture, but I would say that he went to the house that night.  Finding nothing, he goes looking for Kennet, thinking that he has the rock.  I know that he was at the Hotel Grande the night Mary was killed.  You see, Mac, the night clerk remembered you.

(everyone looks at Mac, who sneers at the company)

Joe:  You question Kennet.  He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.  You got mad and stiffed him.  You shot Mary, too, to eliminate any witnesses.  A coupla hours later, you rope me in.  You use Mary to hook me and send me looking for the rock, though I didn’t know it yet.  You start looking for Carson, but I get to him first, and he digs himself a hole and hides.  You wait for him at Retman’s and when he shows, you question him.  He knows that you know something’s up, so you stiff him too.

(Mac simply glares at Joe)

Joe:  From now on out you know the story.  I go to the Professor’s, you realize that something’s up.  Retman, you get me roped in too.  I keep sniffing.  Eventually Elsie gets scared.  It’s too hot for her, so she comes to me for help.  She cries on my shoulder, shows me the rock; I arrange this get-together.  End of story.

Retman:  (still laughing to himself) Excellent, Mr. Perault, excellent!  Truly an amazing man you picked here, MacDonald.

Joe:  There’s only one problem.

Retman:  (stops laughing) What?

Joe:  This.

(Joe takes the ruby out of the bag and throws it against the floor.  It shatters.  Everyone stares at the remains.  There is a long pause.)

Mac:  (barely controlling his anger) Joe. . .

Joe:  (venomously) Glass! I brought it to a jeweler.  This is fake, costume trash!  We’ve all been backstabbed!

(Harrison and Retman turn to each other)

Harrison:  Your overseas agent . . .

Retman:  (furious) Mumba!

(everyone jumps to their feet, arguing.)

Joe:  (grinning) And now for the final backstab

(Petracchi and several Agents charge in from another room.)

Retman:  Feds!  Perault’s called the feds!

(The occupants panic.  Petracchi and the Agents quickly arrest Mac, Retman, and Harrison.  As the agents drag out Retman and Harrison, Petracchi tips his hat to Joe)

Petracchi:  Mr. Perault, glad to see that we can still work together

Joe:  Always a pleasure, John.  (to Mac) Mac, you know John Petracchi. As Retman said, he’s a federal agent.  He’s also the man who investigated you on corruption charges four years ago.  I gave him that tip from prison.

(Mac snarls and fights against his captor)

Joe:  Funny.  You got me into this.  But you forgot something.  This was always about Mary

Petracchi:  Take him away, boys.  G’night, Mr. Perault.

(Exit Petracchi and Mac)

Joe:  Thanks for putting up with this, Specs.  Sorry about the mess. Well, me and Elsie’ll be leaving now.

Specs:  (smiling) Hey, if I don’t see you for another two years, good luck, man

Joe:  Damn straight, and the same to you.

(Joe and Elsie walk out onto the patio)

(Joe and Elsie on the patio, leaning over the rail.  Joe is staring out into space, Elsie is staring at him.)

Elsie:  (tentatively) It’s over? It’s really over?

Joe:  (not looking at her) Over.  At last.

Elsie:  Five days, they seemed so long, always scared.  I can barely believe that it’s over.  (She moves in front of Joe, pushing him back from the rail.) You were so clever in there, luring them all in, setting up the ambush, giving them the fake ruby.  You swapped the glass one for the real one this morning, didn’t you, when you said you went for a walk?  Where’s the real one now?

(Joe laughs, a cold, cutting sound)

Joe:  (bitterly taunting) Sorry, Elsie.  There was no real one.  That was the one in the package.  Mumba or some one else did stiff your gang.   Glass is all you get.

Elsie:  (shocked) What

Joe:  (still laughing) Poor Elsie.  You’ve been playing me all this time, worse than Mac.  You did it once, you can’t do it twice.  You weren’t that scared of Retman or MacDonald.  You just wanted some one who could stiff the lot of ‘em so you could run with the rock.  So you came to me, ‘cause you knew my reputation.  Guess what, kid?  I’m not as crooked as they say.

Elsie:  (slowly backing away, cold and angry) You bastard!

Joe:  (nearly doubling over laughing now) Oh, I’m a bastard, all right.  Just not the kind you wanted.  (His merriment abruptly ceases) Look, kid.  Get this, I hate being played.  And if you hadn’t swiped the prize, Mary would be here today.  Not mine, but alive!  You took a little color out of life, and all for some damn stone!  You’re all to blame: Retman, Harrison, Mac, you.  We’re through, kid!

(As he finishes, Joe takes a threatening step forward.  Elsie panics and overreacts, jumping backwards.  The camera shows her tipping over the edge of the patio.  Cut to shot of Specs looking out the window, horrified.  Camera returns to the patio, panning over the rail to reveal Elsie’s broken body at the bottom.)

(Enter Specs)

Specs:  Joe!

Joe:  (as if nothing is wrong) Specs

Specs:  (stammering) I looked out the window, when I heard you shouting, and saw her . . .
(Joe begins to walk down the patio steps)

Specs:  (cautiously) Joe . . .

Joe:  (not turning around) G’night, Specs.

(The camera watches Joe walk away.)

Joe: (VO) As I left, Specs gave me an odd look that I couldn’t really decipher from under his shades.  Not that I cared anyhow.  I continued on my walk to my car, pulling my trench coat a little closer against the cold breeze.  

(Fade to black.  Credits.)

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