Thnx derek. I think it’s coming along thanks to you & others.
J
Query Letter / beyond memory, memoir query (Analysis)
I am seeking representation for Beyond Memory, my memoir of healing from sexual abuse. Knowing you represented [another memoir], I think you may be interested. The recovery community is a vast market, and no previous memoir reveals the healing process in such detail.
With unswerving honesty and intimacy, Beyond Memory invites the reader to follow a journey from sickening revelations, through searing self-doubt and mistrust, to a relationship with a memorable therapist and finally into healing. You Never Promised Me a Rose Garden meets The Courage to Heal. One of the manuscript’s early readers called it “a detective story of the soul.” Ellen Bass has offered to write a blurb.
The story begins on the day I wake up to a memory in which I am three years old and it hurts when I pee. Incredulous, I (a middle-aged scientist) recall snapshots of growing up in an eccentric, loving family. Surely this family could not support abuse. But as I wrestle with demons of doubt, I also remember other aspects of family—my father’s affairs and self-indulgent temper, mother’s passivity. Further body-memories bowl me over and send me into fogs of dissociation. The signs of PTSD are plain. I begin to believe the voice of my younger self, while also learning to rely on my gifted therapist, a new experience for this self-reliant professional. The outside world throws challenges: demanding colleagues who remind me of my father, an anonymous harasser who sends obscene postcards and letters. As my mother is dying, I must decide whether to confront her with the memories of abuse. At the end, I find a dramatic reunion with the split-off parts of myself as I reconcile the horror and silence of the abuse with the dynamic and lighthearted aspects of my personality.
I intend to publish under the pseudonym Jane Rowan. Jane has already built a Web presence through her blog and site www.janerowan.com and sales of her booklet “Caring for the Child Within—A Manual for Grownups” and has been interviewed on blog-radio. Although I want to remain anonymous to my local community, Jane is willing and able to travel and do readings, etc., for promotion. Since taking up creative writing in retirement, I’ve published about twenty poems and short prose pieces.
I enclose the first two chapters plus prologue. The whole is about 83,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
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VioletL reviewed Version 4 -
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You’ve done a superb job this time through. I think this should do it for you.
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smash54 reviewed Version 4 -
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As a general reader, I can that this is good. I have not done enough query letters to call myself good at it, but I will definitely use this as my template. Thanks so much for that. Nice job!
acdoyler reviewed Version 4 -
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‘It begins with an unsolicited memory: I am three years old and it hurts to pee. As a middle-aged scientist, I am incredulous.’
there is no transition between these two sentences. as a reader i felt like you jumped from one to the other with no explanation. you were this. now you feel incredulous: indicating or showing unbelief. so what are you incredulous about?
the rest of this opening paragraph takes the reader through the chronology of the memior, but it feels hurky-jerky, or choppy. long sentences followed by two short ones.
‘My mother’s passivity.’ I realize your describing, but i think complete sentences would be a more effective form of communication for an agent or editor.
I think beginning with the second paragraph would be a good introduction. Then the description of the contents.
if it were me i’d include your thoughts on why your memior, as opposed to others, would be the best for this agent to choose. I hate to say it, but maybe you have to sell the idea a little. just a thought.
good luck.
paigemc reviewed Version 4 -
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It appears to meet the basic requirements of a query letter. I personally have never heard of “Jane Rowan” and rather than expecting me (or an agent) to go to your blog, it would have more impact to be specific, and state how many unique hits the blog receives weekly or monthly
To be honest, I’m not sure I would want to read another book about child abuse, or that there is enough to make a compelling story.
derekosborne reviewed Version 2 -
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It’s a good, professional query letter. See what other’s say. My guess is you’ll get suggestions on tightening it up a sentence here and there. The only comment I have now is the closing. It feels like you fell into a bit too familiar tone, but maybe not. The rest of the letter stands well so maybe at this pint I’m nit picking.
mimici reviewed Version 4 -
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You are so close. Much better than the first. I would heed the suggestions of the previous reviewer, but be careful not to make your voice suddenly formal. The way she/he rewrote those couple of sentences definitely reads better. There are a couple places at the beginning where a tiny bit of fat could still be trimmed.
To me, “eerie” weakens the echo. You don’t need to tell us it’s eerie, we can tell. Also harasser is awkward. What about, ”... I am pestered by obscene anonymous letters.” Just a thought. A nit pick, mostly.
“Heal the past…” feels stronger to me using “my” healing relationship rather than “a” healing relationship. What if instead of transcending the past you were healed by your relationship with a gifted therapist?
Also, parts of “my” self. You’re dissociating in the letter!! (kidding).
Good job. Good luck.
Deadsage reviewed Version 2 -
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Overall, very good letter. I think it will do the job. The only area I could find that needed improvement was this :
“Incredulous, I (a middle-aged scientist) recall growing up in an eccentric, loving family. Surely this family could not support sexual abuse. Then I remember my father’s affairs and self-indulgent temper, my mother’s passivity.”
I didn’t care for the sentence structure here, and I think it needs a bit of polish. Also your middle sentence as it is should be “could not have supported” as the support would have happened in the past. But “support” is a weak word, and that doesn’t suit the topic of abuse. Also, “affairs and…temper” aren’t a clear indicator of abuse, but the passivity is right on target for abuse cases. Just some thoughts. Good luck!
mimici reviewed Version 2 -
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I am confused about Ellen Bass and her blurb. Is it included here? If it is, why is it not in quotes or why do you even need it?
That said I think the subject matter is always compelling even if it’s been done before. However, the letter could be tighter. From the beginning, “with unswerving honesty…” as an editor (though not books) I find myself bristling. Intimate is good, but unswerving honesty is unnecessary. It’s a memoir, we know this. I love the idea of a detective story or a mystery unravelled, even a journey, but the word “soul” is almost impossible to use with authority. It is the mark of an amateur.
I would begin the letter with the idea that this is an intimate memoir, a journey through the pain of child sexual abuse, a revelation and a process of recovery.
I have no problem with the word pee and I think it actually suits the sentence as it’s a child who is experiencing it. Urinate would be too formal and who really says that? It’s self-conscious. I might even begin the letter with that line.
The last paragraph reads a little timid. Don’t be afraid to show confidence.
Here’s how I would rewrite this (I’ve taken some license):
It begins with an unsolicited memory: I am three years old and it hurts to pee. A middle-aged scientist, I am incredulous. My family may have been eccentric but it was always loving, surely not supportive of sexual abuse. But, as cracks in a levee precede a flood, the memories keep coming. My father’s affairs. His self-indulgence, his temper. My mother’s passivity. The signs are plain and a succession of body memories sends me into a fog of dissociation. My memoir, (83,000 words) reaches “Beyond Memory” to the sensations and revelations of child sexual abuse as they’re uncovered, one by one, like clues in an unsolved mystery.
I intend to publish as Jane Rowan. Jane has built a web presence and audience through her blog (www.janerowan.com) as well as sales of her booklet “Caring for the Child Within—A Manual for Grownups.” Under my own name I have published 20 poems and short prose pieces (Paper Street, Peregrin and the anthology On Retirement from U of Iowa Press).
Given your interest in memoir and women’s issues, please consider representing Beyond Memory. This submission is not exclusive. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to further communication with you.
Warmest Regards,
xxxxxxxxxx
JeanJefferies reviewed Version 1 -
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commenting as a reader i can assure you that you will be viewed as talented with regards to your point and with wonderful word selection.
The story concept as a whole is very interesting, that a person can live an entire life without remembering they were sexually abused. I am sure it makes most wonder, if only for a moment, could that of happened to them. Combining these factors should make it a desired read for all. Good luck.
sjvance reviewed Version 1 -
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As a general reader, this book sounds amazing. The letter is very well written, and should urge the publisher to ask for your entire manuscript. I have heard, from a publisher, that query letters should not contain comments from readers before it is published.
I think the subject is something a lot of people would, unfortunately, identify with. If the story is written as well as the query, you will no doubt be published. This would also be a great read for psychologists that treat victims of abuse. Awesome job.
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