Poetry / Curse (Analysis)
Curse this stricken face
These vile tears
And traitors heart
Give not into thought
Memory or feeling
Take back the flutter
Turn away the smile
Leave me as you found me
I will heal come eternity
Shards of the shattered dreams
Crushed beneath your easy banter
Finish your goodbye sentence
Take everything with you
Do not feel
Cry or remember
Watch the steps
Walking out of your life
The depth of pain will hit
With your head on your pillow tonight
Leave now
The way you came
While needle pulling thread
Sews me back together again
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THis was pretty good, but i think you could rework a little more emotion into it. I felt a little but not enough for me to say wow. Keep working on it.
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Very well done. Economical use of words to convey very powerful emotions and make them immediately accessible to the reader. Appeals to all the senses. Punctuation is not a problem, natural end-stop pauses work well enough though the all-capitalized beginnings bother me a little as I find them a tad disorienting. But that’s a personal preference I guess and a small point to make. Good job.
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