Novel Treatments / The Feud
Prologue
June 4, 2000
The black limo pulled into the Whales Mansion driveway. It was a long marble driveway. On the sides there was the greenest grass you’ve ever seen, and the trees were fully grown. The mansion sat on a 200 acre ranch. But it wasn’t exactly what you’d call a ranch. There were no animals. As Kade Kensington approached the house in the black limo there were three entrances. One led to the front of the house, where visitors were supposed to go. Another to the back of the house, and the one in the middle led to where the family parked. Kade told the driver to take the right entrance. There was a fully grown Willow tree in front of the house.
The mansion had a marble like siding just like the driveway. The front door was a large French style door that had a stain glass window at the very tip. On the stairs leading up to the door, which were just like the stairs leading to the Lincoln Memorial, was Maverik Whales. Maverik was tanned and had a toned body. He had blond hair and blue eyes. Standing behind him was a man who looked like his butler. His black hair was combed back and his hands were tucked behind his back.
Kade’s driver stopped in front of the two men. His driver got out of the car and walked around to Kade’s door. Kade gathered his briefcase, his cell phone, and put his .38 in his holster. He tapped the window to signal the door to be opened.
As he walked over to Maverik he buttoned up his jacket. Kade’s jet black hair shinned in the sunlight. His dark eyes were full of joy. His best friend finally agreed to join his company. More of a dealership. Kade smiled as he held out his hand to be shaken. Maverik took it without hesitation.
“Finally,” said Kade.
“Yes, finally,” smiled Maverick.
They stood for a minute. Maverick noticed Kade sweating.
“Well shall we go in?” said Kade. “It’s kind of hot out here.”
“Oh- uh yes lets go in.”
Maverick motioned the butler to go and open the door. He turned and walked the rest of the stairs.
“So how’s Evelynn?” asked Kade.
“She’s well. She’s pregnant.”
“Well you’ve been busy. So what that’s five kids then?”
“Yep.”
The butler opened the door and Kade walked in followed by Maverik.
Their entrance way was very bare. Which was odd. Kade could’ve sworn there were more things in this room. Like a sofa table, more plants, and some lamps. The floor was tiled, and was made out of marble. It was a circular room. The stairs went up the side and stopped when it meet a door leading into the second floor. The two other doors were closed. Which really gave Kade an eerie feeling. Usually all the doors were open. Maverik said he never liked being closed off from everyone.
Their footsteps echoed around the room.
“So shall we get it over with?”
“Uh yeah- yeah. Um you got the stuff?” said Maverik. He was really tense.
“Yes right here,” said Kade holding up his case. He turned the case toward himself and undid the straps. Kade opened the case and showed the cocaine to Maverik.
Maverik shook his head. “Good. Um Mr. Conner will you go get the money.”
The butler turned and walked over toward the only plant standing in the room.
“Whoa Maverik. I told you you didn’t have to give me any money. We’re partners here.”
“Mr. Kensington?” said the butler.
Kade turned and faced a gun.
“You’re under arrest.”
“What the fuck!” yelled Kade. He pulled out his .38 and out from every door came S.W.A.T men holding machine guns pointing them at Kade.
Kade dropped the .38 immediately and raised his hands. Conner kicked the gun away and forced Kade to the ground and started reading him his rights. Kade looked at Maverik.
“I’m sorry,” mouthed Maverik.
“You’re dead!” yelled Kade.
Afterward
Kade never went to jail. His men found enough dirt on the prosecutor to get him to just have one year of probation. Maverik never got tried. His corporation with the DA got him out of his predicament. As for the two family friendships, well let’s just say this was the start of The Feud.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
The black limo pulled into the Driveway of Whales Mansion. From the window of the Limo, Kade Kingston surveyed the fine structure of the big house, which stood on about 200 acres. The grounds that surrounded the big house looked like a picture from a magazine with its shaved lawns, hedges, and weeping willows. To the north, he noted a wide empty paddock. Kade slipped out of the limo and made his way up the concrete driveway. As he mounted the steps, which were reminiscent of the Lincoln memorial and every bit as splendorous, he was wondering how people could afford to live this auspiciously. His eyes scanned the oblong windows with their dark shutters. Kade couldn’t help but note the lovely stained glass window above the door. A man dressed in a dark suit answered his knock. Kade introduced himself to the butler who led ……….
Kade, when you write it must be something you know about. This work looks a little ambitious for you. It seems too sophisticated. Write what you know. I have read your other pieces and they were very well crafted. Write something a less sophisticated and I will read it. I feel this piece would take to long to tell and might not make a good short story. Okay. Keep up the good work. Your friend SANDI
Hi Nathan, do you see what I have done here? I have shortened some of your first paragraph. It takes practice to learn how to do this. Let’s look at the second part: I have economized it. When you are writing it is a good idea to keep it short and to the point. It’s best sometimes to imply things. Here is an example: The man handed him the cocaine. Why not, Kade took the bag of white powder and tested it to his tongue to see if it were the real thing. Here is another example: The house looked like a ranch but it wasn’t a ranch. Do you see the wasted space here? A man opened up the door. He guessed it was the butler. How about, a man in a butler’s uniform opened the door.
- add/view comments (2)
Showing 1 - 1 of 1
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
