Poetry / you won't catch me around here.

she told me that she had to go home,
all frantic and losing her hair.
her digits were all sliced up
the doing of hundreds of bottle lips
and acrylic nails that just kept chipping.
she was driving straight into lightning,
all static and fires brewing underneath.
the rain was gentle but a storm just the same.
she told me that she knew
that there was nowhere else for her
despite the weather
and only being wet from all the rain.

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Reviews

August 21, 2008

drbailey

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
95	97.7% (44 votes)	22.4%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	Columbus, OH	November 18

drbailey reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Dear Stranger,

  These “flash” poems are the only type of poems I can dine on without some degree of heart burn or uh… maturation. I may have a learning disability though, so it’s a personal call.
  This piece leaves some contemplative thoughts with the reader. In other words, its a slightly ambigious piece. Lines 1-5 are clear as a bell being rung against the ear lobe. Then I get the image of She leaving the scene. There is lightning and fire, two very aggressive forces, and then rain, which could be seen as taking away the previous two.
  Lines 9-12 then lose me, a bit. Is the nowhere else for her the place she previously left, or is it the bad weather shes traveling? The last line is very well composed, but with a little clarification in the rest of the piece, it would be more powerful.
  Hope any of this helps,

Stay Cool,
D.R.