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Poetry / My Love

I love you, my love
More than you’ll know
Every day that passes
My love only grows

We may not get forever
Or even just tomorrow
Your love for me and mine for you
Will wash away any sorrow

I love you with abandon
As to what tomorrow may claim
My memories will be enough
To ease away pain

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Russell_Parkway avatar General Stranger

January 27, 2009

Russell_Parkway Prolific-icon-medium

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Russell_Parkway reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item
This 68 word review has not been unlocked.
TAUTHOR avatar General Stranger

December 05, 2008

TAUTHOR

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TAUTHOR reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

BEAUTIFUL FLOW. I FEEL THE LOVE IN THIS POEM. GOOD WORK.

sadpoet avatar General Stranger

October 31, 2008

sadpoet Prolific-icon-medium

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sadpoet reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Reconsider your introductory sentence, try to write something which captures your audience and draws them in.  Consider French “I love you” or another way to say it since you use “my love” to follow.
I feel “you’ll ever know”, although expected, sounds better rolling off the tongue.

Each day which passes sounds better.

We may not get forever…sounds strange.
Or even just tomorrow….again, this line may sound better written another way.

I love you with abandon…nicely written.
As to what tomorrow may claim…cleverly written and romantic.
Reconsider the sadness you leave the reader with.  You have written a beautful piece and with minimal revision will be masterful.  Take your time and read each sentence independently.  Consider using descriptive words of how that love really feels to you.  Go deeper than the surface.  Love is a very serious subject.
Thank you for the opportunity.

sagittarius1212 avatar General Stranger

October 12, 2008

sagittarius1212

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sagittarius1212 reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

You might think about making this longer. As soon as you start to get into it, it is over. I would describe who your love is  and why you love them, more.

The clarity is good.

You have done a good job with this, just think about making it longer.

Zebulon avatar Random Review

August 21, 2008

Zebulon

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Zebulon reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Very deep. I love your similes!

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FireflyDreams avatar

FireflyDreams

Age: 29
Loc: East Hartford, CT
Gen: F
Last Login: January 30
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