Short Story / MARIA FELIZ

I was born in Puerto Rico, in 1950. I grew up watching Maria Felix, a beautiful Mexican actress, I adored. I became a lot like her, with many similarities. My father called me “Doña Nena” (Mrs. Girl. Maria Felix was called “La Doña” (The Mrs.). My brothers called me “La Cucaracha” (The Roach). It is the title of one of her movies. My mother called me “La Cuca”, and every body else called me, Cuca. I became aware of their reasons for this name calling later on in my life.

Maria Felix married a song writer name Agustin Lara. She had only one son. My first boyfriend’s name was Agustin. In 1967, we had a son we named Augustine. I competed in a carnival custom contest dressed up like a Puertorrican “jibara” or peasant, and I won, but the judges called me “the Puertorrican Maria Felix”, and they made reference to my custom like the one Maria Felix wore on her movie “La Generala” (the female general”). I had not seen the movie as of yet.

In the 1980’s, I befriended a man in college, name Felix. We became inseparables, so much so that when people referred to us they call us, Maria y (and) Felix. In 1987, I married a man who’s last name game me a similar name, with the same initials as Maria Felix. I started a home business, in which my customers referred to me as “La Generala”. My voice deepened due to smoking, and became just like Maria Felix’s deep voice. In 2003, I took a creative writing class, developing my first main character, Maria “Feliz” (Happy). I had consider changing my name to Maria Feliz.

This is my story. My name is Maria Fadli. When I was growing up, I dreamed of being Maria Felix. I watched her on television, the movies, magazines, posters, pictures, everywhere. I even memorized her lines, and acted up, as if I was her. I followed up with her screen and personal life. I paid more attention to her when I noticed similarities with her life and mine. For it was not intentionally. And I did nothing purposely to become like her, but I did.

By the late 1950’s, I remember my father calling me “Doña Nena” (Mrs. Girl), and my brothers calling me “La Cucaracha” (The Roach). I did not like the roach name, so I fought back, demanding for them to stop. I was the only female and had three older brothers. It was not easy to fight them, but I was tough. My mother called me La Cuca, short for “cucaracha”, and every body else called me Cuca. They gave me those names and I had no idea why or how I got these names until I saw her movie, “La Cucaracha”, and read she was called “La Doña” (The Mrs.) in her real life. I wondered why my family identified me with her.

In the late 1960’s, in New York City, I had a son I named Augustine. His father’s name was Agustin. Maria Felix married a man name Agustin Lara, and had only one son. In the movies, Maria Felix characterized tough women. She was like Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. She controlled man and had the men begging after her. She would reject men, and they came back crawling. She refused their advances, and they came back for more. She would whip them and they did not strike back. I liked that, I liked to be the same way.

I gave men a hard time in my life, but I don’t remember them begging me, I do remember them running away from me. I never begged them either. Maria Felix claimed she was not a jealous woman, and I tried to hold back jealousy in my life.

In the 1970’s, I participated in a carnival custom contest, wearing a long hair wig, “charra” hat, my son’s toy pistols, cowboy boots, a colorful flowery long skirt, and flirty sleeveless blouse. I was trying to portrait a “jibara” or peasant woman from my country Puerto Rico, but I was called, “the Puertorrican Maria Felix” as the custom winner. She had made a movie, “La Generala” (the female general”) in which she wore a similar custom. I had not seeing this movie at that time.

In the 80’s, I was inseparable with a man name Felix. He became my best friend in school. And we were together so much that people called us, Maria y (and) Felix, when they saw us. Later on, in 1987, San Francisco, I married a man who’s last name, gave me a similar name and same initials as Maria Felix. In the 1990’s, I had a paralegal home business, applying existing laws for the benefit of my customers. I was tough and disciplined, and very successful. My customers began to call me “La Generala”.

By the 2000, I noticed my voice changing due to 40 years of smoking. My voice became so deep that people in the phone thought I was a man. They would answer to me, Yes, Sir! Maria Felix happens to have a very deep voice, but she never smoke. I moved to Los Angeles, and took a scriptwriting class. On the first assignment the teacher asked us to develop a main character. I developed Maria “Feliz” (Happy) and I was the best scriptwriter in my class. On of these days, I am going to change my name to Maria Feliz. It will make me happy too.

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