Okay, I’ll make sure to fix some of the description up. I’m really glad you could actually picture it! I like my readers to get a clear picture.
Young Adult / Midnight
Her eyes were soft, calm, and kept loosely at half-mast. Cloudy-gray swirled in the mixture, dancing around a small, slanted pupil. A bright and golden pupil.
Hana was no human; she was a werewolf.
In this world, there are many classes: Leaders, Normals, Loners, Werewolves…
It depended on who you started out as, the family you were born into.
If raised kindly, and with a maternal, honest compassion, you would become a leader.
If raised as an average person, with just enough love, and a sprinkle of hope, that child could grow up to be normal. Human.
But, should you have been born into a poor, unforgiving household; from birth you had been marked as a loner… a werewolf.
Scrutiny is a terrible thing, and it can easily wipe out the good in ones mind. Alas, had the good never been there in the first place, what would it matter?
Hana was a werewolf. As if she cared who, or what judged her. She was an open book, and yet… unreadable. Human’s could be so predictable, yet she was not. Because she was no human, as I have stressed before. Do you believe that when you die you go to some otherworldly place? An ethereal haven for the weak and weary? Had you become a werewolf, you were damned from the Golden Gates, forever burned onto the Earth’s surface. There is no escape, no escape for her; any of her kind, any unbeliever.
And yet… there is hope.
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I did not like the structure of the beginning there, it distracted me. I think the only way that would work is if that were on a separate page in the very beginning of the book (which could very well be what you intended but could not make happen on this site)....
I was a bit confused as to what this story is going to be about. It did well in getting my attention and curiosity, but I think maybe a bit more foreshadowing to where you are going with the story would be great.
I could not identify or even become too interested (care for) Hana. I assume Hana will be your protagonist, yet there was nothing in this piece to allow the reader to care for, or dislike, or identify to, etc., with her. To do this would really help pull the reader in even more.
I look forward though to finding out where this story is going!
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I really liked this and it has a great plot for a full story. Only thing I’m confused about is that if they all look human or if the werewolves are born human and over the the years transform into actual beast. I think the different class types are cool and the open paragraph was my favorite part. I could actually picture that complete scene. Over all I liked this I would really like to know about their different appearances.
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