Short Story / Flashes ((I Recall))

Notes for readers: Enjoy! ;D tell me what you think please. By the way, a ”#####” is a break in a scene or time frame. The story overall is the breakdown and rebuilding of a young man’s life, perseverance, and pride through fire and ice…with a little help for sure from the person he’d least expect, but I cant let you know too much ;)

=^-=

Slowly. Ever so slow the sound seemed to hang stagnant in the cooling morning air. Musk filled the small apartments unsightly living room, and through the dust-laden air, past the disgusting carpets, even through the wall across the room, I could see. I didn’t have to actually see it to know what I would be looking at. A blood stained floor, death: self-inflicted much too soon, and of course…the one thing I could see, myself: the cause. I don’t know why, I just knew it was me.

Jake this and Jake that, my name always seemed to pop up in fights among my parents; I just wanted to know why. Was I really that bad, or was it just my being around that caused all the yelling? I do recall however: one time when I came home with a “D” test, my mother slap my father across the face, he throwing her across the room, both of them screaming about how they were each helping with my well-being and health in a negative way.

I didn’t care.
I just wanted the yelling to stop.

The cop lifted me from the scene of the crime, the mess. My mess I created.

#####

Of course I couldn’t walk away, my legs cemented themselves in place. When the cops finally did arrive I was told I never cried, never moved my attention, never spoke. I never told them why I did all those things I did, but I knew, and they knew I knew. So they made the decision to send me to Sunny-Side Psychiatric Hospital.

Well, I couldn’t blame them, and I definitely couldn’t say I hadn’t thought about death. How it must feel, then wondering if regret over-powers emotion’s remorse just before the last grain of sand falls in life’s hourglass. I wouldn’t know, couldn’t know. At least just not yet, but my own hourglass was coming to an end, or…that’s how it felt. What did I have left, who cared about me even? My father disappeared after Carla broke down over the death of her daughter. I mean, ironic isn’t it? In the fog of war, it wasn’t me, nor my parents, but the hidden foreseer of every battle, watching over me like an angel. Slowly absorbing the pain and heartache. Dying from within, then out.

I never wanted it this way,
It just sort of happened.

So now I guess they feared I’d do the same. I arrived in my casual clothing, which was quickly stripped and replaced with ((all fabric)) shorts and white tee. Thus erasing any chance of me kicking the bucket on command. Not like I had it in mind. Then I was placed in the beach-side room, until further examination and experiment.

I wasn’t actually placed in a beach-side room, rather each room was painted to resemble that of something peaceful. And wasn’t it my luck? I didn’t ever like the beach, it smelled like salt and seaweed, the water tasted horrible, finally to top it off I couldn’t swim. Most people my age could, but I couldn’t and didn’t intend on doing so.

#####

Examination and Experimentation consisted of three meal sessions a day, at first on paper plates for about a week. Then to trays, then actual ceramic plates. According to the counselors I had made great break throughs and strides towards early release. As for me, I hadn’t noticed. I had become numb to the outside world. Sustentative to everything I did. I just followed along and said, “No, you’re right, it wasn’t my fault.” Though I never smiled, nor frowned.

With release date scheduled in two weeks, I was reinstated for another three months. Could you blame me? I was pushed, and then instinct took over. The other boy ended up face first into a corner of a wall, and I ended up on the floor under two muscular-men nurses. So maybe I wasn’t ready for the outside world. I know I didn’t care much about others and life, so why should I be a part of it. So I remained apart from it.

#####

Finally release date came, and I was freed. Taking my first step outside in almost a year, not that they wouldn’t let me outside, just that I didn’t want to know what I was missing. Unlike I cared anyway. Air rushed through my hair, chasing the wistful breeze. My cheeks blazed red in the cool morning haze, and I stood atop the mountain looking out across the endless array of tree lines and mountain peeks. The sun shone brilliantly upon my skin, upon the valley below, upon life, while off in the distance clouds billowed over the peaks. The storm had passed last night, but I was left inside it. Inside myself.

I stood atop the edge of the incline, just me, and no one else.
The was no one else…
Taking a deep breath, closing my eyes, I leaned into the breeze and jumped.

My last grain had fallen.

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