Don’t forget that they’re in Texas though, so dialect would be appropriate even for “educated” people.
Stage Play / Close One (Analysis)
Cast of Characters:
Young Man: College student, 17 or 18, farmer/athlete, buzz cut, pocket protector. Left hand is badly injuired, cut by flying glass. A fresh wound,bleeding through handkerchief
wrapped around it.Engineering student.
Visiting Profesor: Older, looks between 28 or
32. Shaggier hair, less conservative button down,
bell bottoms. Adjunct assistant professor of
physics.
The basement of a rental house in Austin, Texas, August 1, 1966. There are rectangular windows at
head-height showing a sunny summer day, green
grass. The basement has a door and small staircase on the left, and some buckets, steel shelves, yard tools, weight bench, gun cabinet to the right.
There are distant gunshots heard sporadically.
YOUNG MAN
Right here, right here.
He stumbles downstairs to gun cabinet and pulls
out a rifle. [Holds it with trembling hands.]
PROFESSOR
We came all this way for that?
YOUNG MAN
What do you think we—
PROFESSOR
Bandages!
YOUNG MAN
Bandages?
PROFESSOR
We need cloth, something to stop the bleeding.
YOUNG MAN
Maybe you didn’t get it up close like I did, I was six feet away from him, and he don’t need bandages. He’s shot clear through the throat. No voice left to sigh.
PROFESSOR
Are you sure? I saw him drop but…
YOUNG MAN
I saw clearly.
PROFESSOR
There were other people, lots of people.
YOUNG MAN
They don’t need bandages.[He hands him the rifle and a box of bullets. The PROFESSOR holds the rifle horizontally, palms up, motionless.]
YOUNG MAN
[Snatches it back. He does everything one handed,
rips a sleeve off his shirt and wraps his left
hand tight. He has cuts all over.(muttering as he ties up his hand)] You ever use a gun
before? Have you ever seen a gun before?
PROFESSOR
I better take it. You’re not going to get far like that. It takes two hands.
YOUNG MAN
look, follow this, it’s pretty easy. You look through this hole, line it up, pull the trigger, bam,kill those bastards.
PROFESSOR
for the throat.
YOUNG MAN
Yeahhh, you know. Right back at them. Go, go, go!
PROFESSOR
How’s it kick?
YOUNG MAN
Not bad, like a shove, you gotta brace it against your body and it’s all right.
[Pushes him towards the door, leaving bloodprint on PROF’s shoulder.]
PROFESSOR
Yeah? Okay. Okay, I got it. [He stands still.]
YOUNG MAN
Uh. Hey. Times like this, standing still ain’t an
option. Somebody’s got to stop them. My hand’s bad, but I’m ready if you’re not.
PROFESSOR
I’m ready. [A new sound ofA new sound of gunshots is ringing out. He listens.]
How many…how many guns do you hear?
YOUNG MAN
It’s hard to tell. Five or six. Hell lot of mayhem raining down on us. Twelve guys maybe, if they’re taking rests? Are you ready? Can you carry another box? [He goes back to cabinet to get another bulky box of bullets.]
PROFESSOR
It doesn’t sound right. The little pops—there -
that’s not a rifle, that’s a small caliber
handgun. Somebody’s firing rifles from the ground, and someone – the killing is coming from up in the tower.
YOUNG MAN
Obviously!
PROFESSOR
What all I’m saying is, there might be only one or two, not twelve. Unless, do you think, are the shots on the ground snipers too? Are they all around us? [He takes his classroom chalk from his shirt pocket and sketches on the basement wall: tower, campus, streets, circles for casualties they saw.]
YOUNG MAN
Oh Lord, it’s not a physics problem. They’re in the tower. The shooters are in the tower. —
Get out of here, or give it! Give it to me. I’ll shoot ’em right handed, damn you. How much time do you think we have? You going to go or what?
PROFESSOR
Well I know I’m going, I just don’t know how I’m coming back! That’s always a good thing to figure out first!
YOUNG MAN
[Grabs gun and runs up the little staircase for the door.] I get it. You’re a pacifist!
PROFESSOR
Idiot! You can’t run right into it.
[The professor lunges for him and knocks him down
on the stairs. The Young Man is squirming up the
stairs and getting halfway out the door.]
YOUNG MAN
Hey! Glass! Damn, there’s glass in my shoulder. It’s a piece of glass, don’t press on me.
[He turns awkwardly to see his shoulder and pull
out glass pieces that are still in his shirt.
He is suddenly rather childlike in his concern
for finding pieces of glass. He opens the cloth
and grimaces.] Why’d I walk by the window. Got this glass all over me. The worst is right here, in the web of my thumb and fingers. And this here in the shoulder. Well, I don’t think this spot is my blood, over here. Damn. Will this keep me from getting drafted?
PROFESSOR
[Shakes his head. Closes the basement door and
picks up the rifle, picks up the bullets, moves to the center of the basement.]
You want to get drafted?
YOUNG MAN
I’m not afraid. Not like you. I’m ready to serve my country when I’m called.
PROFESSOR
And lucky there’s deferment for you college kids.
Well, I served to go to college, if that makes any sense. Been there and back, been there and back. An experience that stays with you, I must
say. [Loads the gun swiftly.] A .22, huh? So you use this for hunting lady squirrels?
YOUNG MAN
It’s a real rifle. ...Cans, mostly. Targets and such. There’s no hunting allowed around here.
PROFESSOR
[Coughs a laugh at that remark.]
YOUNG MAN
You going to use it or what?
PROFESSOR
Yeah, I’m just loading this. Checking it out.
YOUNG MAN
A little rusty with it, huh? You ain’t been in the army. I see by the way you hold it, you don’t know nothin’ about guns.
PROFESSOR
It’s all coming back to me now.
[PROFESSOR does a quick rifle drill, twirling the
gun, tossing it hand to hand. Finishes with a toe-tap, heel-click flourish and looks down the barrel at YOUNG MAN.]
YOUNG MAN
Uh, turn it? Would you turn it away from me now.
PROFESSOR
Would you hold still if I did?
YOUNG MAN
[Figures it out. Laces his hands behind his head.
Shots are ringing out in the distance.]
I’m holding still.
PROFESSOR
Move to the side. Lie down on that bench.
YOUNG MAN
I didn’t mean to call you a pacifist.
PROFESSOR
Oh. That.
YOUNG MAN
So you know a lot about guns.
PROFESSOR
Not really, I was in the navy. I know more about
torpedoes.
YOUNG MAN
Big guns, yeah. Wow. And now you’re a professor. Wow. I always see you setting up class as ours is letting out.
PROFESSOR
Adjunct. Visiting my friend and colleague,
who, you know, he got me this job and he, ah,
he’s the one got shot through the throat this morning. [He covers his mouth for a moment.]
YOUNG MAN
Yes, he was my professor, I’ve been in two of his
classes. A very kind man, very smart. I’m truly… sorry.
PROFESSOR
[Goes back at the wall sketch, looking it over.]
How many streets are there between here and the tower?
YOUNG MAN
Three, if you count the one we’re in.
PROFESSOR
So if he’s shooting G Street, he can hit a moving
target a quarter mile away, easy. And that means he can hit us, if he turns this way. Unless there’s something to keep his eyes off us.
YOUNG MAN
[Approaches PROF at the wall sketch.]
See here, if you run back a couple blocks back, stay in the alleys like we came on, you can loop around, see, and you’re out of range but advancing on ’em. [YOUNG MAN lunges for the rifle]
PROFESSOR
[Is caught off guard but manages to grab him. They are wrestling and PROF gets the gun away, holds it away, is fighting the wounded young man with one arm.]
YOUNG MAN
You’re crazy, man! You’re a lunatic.
PROFESSOR
Stop.
YOUNG MAN
You saw my professor killed right beside me, and you don’t care. Like there’s time to draw on the wall.
PROFESSOR
Think for a second. I am on your side, look at me.
YOUNG MAN
You think it’s gonna get better by itself? You’re gonna stand here like a girl. It’s my gun and I can’t live with myself—
PROFESSOR
Stop it. Let go. I will break your hand, if that’s what it takes to hold you here.
YOUNG MAN
Be a man for once. I dare you.
PROFESSOR
I will break your hand if that’s what it takes. I
swear, I will break both hands so you can’t shoot
either way.
YOUNG MAN
Keeps struggling, groaning in pain as the
PROF pins him and clenches his right hand.
Why don’t you take it out on them, not me. You ain’t angry at them, you’re killing me.
PROFESSOR
[Snaps in disgust, kicks the rifle so it pinwheels on the floor.]
Have it already. Pull the trigger with your toe for all I care.
YOUNG MAN
What a thing to say. That is low, man. What a thing to say after what we seen. You ain’t on my side—
PROFESSOR
I don’t mean with the muzzle in your mouth. I mean—but you are doing the same thing running out like that. It’s a clear shot if he just cares to turn around and take aim. You want to be brave, you can pack your toothbrush and your dog tags and scamper off to Vietnam. But right here, we gotta think this one out.
YOUNG MAN
Aim for the tower, what else are you going to do? Get as close as you can, shoot anything that moves, and you have a chance of hitting somebody. And so do I. And it’s my gun.
[Reaches for it.]
PROFESSOR
Have you been in a firefight? Then shut up. There’s two things they teach you, Know your target. And two, know what’s in front of your target. We don’t know who is where, who is up there, who’s on the ground, who’s friendly, who’s on us, how many cops, what they’re
firing, how many,—shit, that’s it. Thank you, that’s what I needed to hear. [Grabs the rifle and two boxes of bullets.]
YOUNG MAN
Now?
PROFESSOR
Confuse him. Distract him. Keep him jumping.
Bolts upstairs at full speed. Slams the door.
YOUNG MAN
[yells] Don’t forget to run zig zag! [There is a prolonged barrage of rifle shots, shots
returned, concussions or gunshots against distant
walls, breaking glass, running footsteps, legs
running past the window. This should last at least an uncomfortable 30 seconds.]
YOUNG MAN
[Looks out the window at first, but there’s a
barrage of bullets against the house and he gets
down. A few more cracks of gunfire, then
silence. Someone runs past outside. Young man
can’t see out from his position,but can hear
movement. He listens intently, picks up a 5-pound
barbell, crawls towards the door. There is a
knock. YOUNG MAN pauses, backs up against the
wall, still wrapping his hand. The knock is
louder. Young Man takes barbell and tucks himself
against the wall.]
PROFESSOR
[Opens the door a crack and gasps:]
Hello? Okay to come in?
YOUNG MAN
What? Yes! What are you knocking for.
PROFESSOR
Well, it’s not my place.
YOUNG MAN
What’d you do? Hell, you’ve been shot.
PROFESSOR
[He rips at the torn sleeve, mops up his deep cuts with the cloth. He’s agitated and rips the shirt off, a torn, sweat-soaked undershirt underneath. He is dazed and breathing raggedly.]
No. This is from a mean fence I went over. The hard way. [He returns the rifle to the cabinet and closes the door.]
YOUNG MAN
What if it’s just a lull? They could be reloading.
PROFESSOR
It’s quiet. It’s done. I just—no matter what I’ve seen in my life, and there’s been some things, I’ve never, ever, even imagined this. Somebody tell us what is going on. Cmon. You want to go to the hospital now? Let’s take, hell, anybody we find. My car is over
this side. [He points at the wall sketch, then looks at it for a moment, dazed.] Okay. Let’s go.
YOUNG MAN
You want to sit down a minute? Did you see people? What’d you do out there?
PROFESSOR
There was a few of us. Kind of all doing the same
thing. Aiming for the smoke in the tower. I was just chasing him around, pumping a lot of metal in the stone above his head.
YOUNG MAN
You seen him?
PROFESSOR
[Nods.]
YOUNG MAN
How could you see him?
PROFESSOR
Well, the smoke, really, from whatever gun he had. I used up a box of your bullets, by the way. Um, thanks for the gun. So you ready? There’s people need getting to the hospital. And you, like I’m forgetting, you’re going to need somebody to look at that hand. I didn’t
break it, did I? I mean, heh, honestly, I
don’t remember in the heat of things. Happened so
fast, it already seems long ago.
YOUNG MAN
And how about you? You’re pretty banged up.
[Straightens up, dusting off his pants.]
PROFESSOR
Heck, I’m fine. You don’t go to the hospital for
falling off a fence. (Salutes cavalierly.)
YOUNG MAN
[Moving past a table, knocks a barbell to the
floor, it hits with a loud bang. YOUNG MAN
startles at the sound, in spite of seeing it fall.]
PROFESSOR
[Dives to the floor, knocks the weight bench on its side as protection.]
YOUNG MAN
[Looks at this incredulously, points to the weight.] I’m sorry. It fell.
PROFESSOR
[his knees, attempts to stand and sinks again.]
Heh. Sure. Wow.
YOUNG MAN
[Hesitates, then approaches and offers a hand.]
PROFESSOR
[Stands on one knee, tries to stand and sinks,
falling on all fours, backwards, like a crab.]
It’s all right. We’re fine.
YOUNG MAN
There’s no rush. We’ll get there.[He ties up his hand again. The PROFESSOR turns
over, crawls towards YOUNG MAN as the room goes
dark.]
PROFESSOR
Everything is fine. Made it back just fine.(Pauses.) I’m sorry. This might take a while.
THE END
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Reviews
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kay2383 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like the way you made their conversations flow amongst each other. You could really feel the tension and frustration. You had nice discriptions and details. However I was very confused on what this story is about, I kept reading hoping it would be clarified but never was. The ending was very abrupt and confusing. Other then not knowing who was shooting at them and why your descriptions were good.
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metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 1 -
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In the directions for the actors’ costumes, you say that the young man’s hand has been “injured by flying glass,” but as the injury does not happen on stage, how would the watcher know this? Why is this an important direction?
When the young man says “look through this hole” is he referring to the sights of the gun, or a hole in the wall that they can snipe the un-known antagonists through?
Isn’t it “know your target and know what’s behind your target?”
I think you could use more and more precise stage direction. Of course you can leave a lot up to the interpretation of the director, but that relies on having a director that works well like that.
Overall, I think this is pretty interesting, and deals with a different perspective of the shootings on that day.
tstone reviewed Version 1 -
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do you mean to repeat: “been there and back” twice? - right after YOUNG MAN is wounded in shoulder.
besides that, i really can’t find anything grammatically wrong.. this is the 2nd time i’ve read this, the 1st being about a month ago, and i think that if you can get someone like me to read something twice – not just “read,” but read carefully – you’ve got something. i don’t have the opportunity to review many plays, but i really like this. you keep the reader jumping, never really sure who to route for, and that’s admirable. very engaging.
nice!
Ruthanne reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the basic concept of this story. I did find it a little confusing because of errors in the format – for example, it might be more clearly understood if actions were separated from dialogue instead of being a part of it.
I also found the use of double negatives throughout this piece less convincing than intended. A university professor and an engineering student suggests that these individuals are educated and would have a better grasp of the English language. This is not to say that the dialogue was bad, I would just be able to believe it more if it were a professor and a freshman liberal arts student.
My final suggestion, write conversations as they sound. For example, I could write ‘I ain’t going to give in to your childish antics’ or I could write ‘I ain’t gonna give into yer childish antics’. In my opinion, if you are going to throw the word ‘aint’ into a sentence, you may as well go full boar and let the rest of it flow accordingly – just never when the professor is speaking (he sounds less serious when this happens).
All in all, it was a good read.
michforoffice reviewed Version 1 -
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“here’s two things they teach you, Know your target. And two, know what’s in front of your target.” --- Your punctuation isn’t correct. The sentence should be combined or completely separated.
Is this all to it? I wanted to read more. I thought you formed your characters really well and the voice each character was very distinct. It’s the best thing I’ve read today! xx
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