Glad you liked it… I agree, it has some horror elements. As is, it wasn’t classified as poetry b/c I don’t feel that it qualifies as poetry—that would be most of my other writing :). I object however to the implication of “dark fantasy” as this was based on a real nightmare, which in turn was based on real events, and is in no way something I fantasize about. As for shaking you a bit, good. :) That’s what I was aiming for in this.
Horror / Things That Crawl in the Night
Night comes again and with it the time to rest, but its spent instead
wandering amongst the shadows…
An unwelcome visitor. Leave me ALONE!
A cold smile. Arms encircling. Hands roving.
Break free
Run…Run…Run…
Empty halls
Here. There. No one to help
Busy. No time. Not my concern.
Scared. Hurt. Angry
There!
“Please. Who do I go to for help?”
“Me.”
I tell him what happened.
A name. The arms. The hands.
He nods. Makes a note. Doesn’t move
Still no one to turn to
Sinking down, down, down.
Back to a wall. Knees to my chest. Tears falling
Almost a woman grown, yet somehow a young girl, huddled and alone
Terrified. Hopeless. Cold….
Daylight.
A dream. Only a dream. Just a dream.
Real.
His smile, his eyes, right in front of me
But I’m awake now
Hands, arms, wrapped around me once more
Its happening again, yet I’m alone.
Can’t shake it off. Can’t
Sick.
Darkness closing in.
11/29—12/1/07
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October truly is my favorite month. The air becomes chilled, and there is a sonic boom of “horror” genre pieces that show up. I love love love horror prose and poetry.
I liked your piece, but I feel you rushed through it a bit. It isn’t rushed in a “I’m trying to set a frantic pacing so the reader feels my strife” way…but it comes off too hurried. I would love to see you take your time with images a bit. Even in the shortest most fragmented dream, we catch a glimpse of our surroundings. Perhaps a smell, a taste, a color…
I’m not saying write a novel. But give us a bit more.
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If this was supposed to be horrific i wasnt sold
if it wouldve been in peorty general than great job
It has SOME horror elements but its more futile and emotional than anything else. It more dark toned but i loved it. I write dark fantasy and i think thats what this was…dark fantasy. Not scary enough to be horror but it does shake me a bit
does art imitate life or life imitate art the sad truth behind the poem true or not how factual in somany ways useing a dream to reality setting brings a scared realtiy to life
Well done. The rabid frightened pace of the poem is great and increases the enjoyment of reading it.
“He nods. Makes a note. Doesn’t move
Still no one to turn to “
At this part I almost feel like I missed something the first time around. Might want to add a little more in there to clarify.
Great work, thanks for sharing. Really hope to more of these horror poems around.
I liked the nightmare-like atmosphere, the sense of inevitability, of being unable to escape or find help. I got a “Hell as the absence of hope” feeling. And when hope does seem possible, it is quickly dismissed. In the end, we are all alone. A great theme for horror …
very clear, very descriptive, very heartbreaking. I remember reading this one a while ago, but looks like it’s been revised since then. Clear picture of the horror and confusion of abuse and the search for help. Excellent writing.
I sincerely hope this did not come out of experience…true horror. Clear emotion, good imagery. Excellent closing line, I felt the darkness closing in.
I feel the girl’s panic, but I’m not clear on what happened. Sexual abuse over years? It is good, just hard to figure out without reading over and over. You need to just include a line or so to make it more clear.
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