Advice
Some time ago I took a sleeping pill, but still I cannot sleep. These texts go round and round in my head. It is 03.03. The time, not day. It reminded me of Mary’s birthday. It will be on the 9th of March. I asked Mary, if I may save money and buy her the silver cross she likes. She said no. I may have to use some blackmailing, bribing and threatening before she says yes.
I also asked, if I may get a picture of us framed for her, but she refused. Anyway it is good one can say her opinion. And I do not want to hurt her in any way. But maybe we can discuss some things a bit more in the future. Might it be a different present and another picture? I think I will give it a try later on.
I am writing this in candlelight and my eyes seem to get a bit blurry, maybe because of the pill. It is half past three in the morning. I cannot even see the letters too well. Well tomorrow I shall be writing these texts again and again. I am not sure, if it makes them any better, but I think it makes me better. I am still just studying writing and I hope I shall never be ready.
There was a young lad, who wrote a lot. His father gave him an advice: ”Do not publish anything before the age of fifty.” The young lad never became a writer.
In or out?
I do not mind if none of this will be published. By writing I have had some clearer thoughts and it has been really good company for me. Some of my friends have liked these texts too. I do not know if it is because almost every time they have some interest in what I do. Sometimes the writing is good, other times not so good. I think this is the last one. It is starting to sound desperate in a way.
Well, Mr. Melancholy is my friend. In this country I have had a license to be sad. It is easy to get depressed, but difficult to get out of there. I think it is no use to get as crazy as the world around you. But if you do not fit in well enough, you are out. Who wants to be in?
An anarchist, Mary said, I am. Does she want me to fit in? If so, I do too. But in my own way. It makes a big difference for me. ”Have you ever had a feeling that the world has left you behind? Have you ever had a feeling that the world has left you behind? Have you ever had a feeling that you are losing your mind?” Sting was singing in a movie called “Leaving Las Vegas”.
What life is about
Half past four in the morning. I have not slept a bit. Feel better now. Desperate Mr. Melancholy is gone, but not for good. Just for the time being.
Put the Groove FM on. Groovy music. Sitting naked on Mary’s chair and writing to you in candlelight. Stupid commercials. Now a good version of “Proud Mary”. Great music. Another channel, Eric Clapton from a soundtrack. I do not recognise the movie. Put Classical on again.
By the way I heard Mary playing Bach. It was great. Her instrument, the flute, is a beauty. In the beginning her voice was shivering, but she bravely played it through. Well, she is a professional. Right now maybe not in such a good shape. But she will get better, if she wants to. We all do, if we want to.
That is what a life is about: getting better at different things. Then something may take it back and then we get better again. A life needs to be lived. That is what I hope I can say as my last words. Life needs to be lived. Neither worried, nor stayed in a closet. Live a life, I say.
Not good enough
Having one of those nights again. Woke up at midnight and could not get sleep anymore. Needed another start in writing.
This time I ripped all the written pages of my notebook and wrote it all again. How stupid can one get – to cut his finger nails too short or do my fingers ache because of the writing, I do not know.
I was not satisfied. It did get little bit better, but not good enough. I do not think it will ever be. Well, now it is half past seven in the morning. I’ve been writing, smoking and drinking coffee from midnight.
Yesterday I said about these texts that I feel like dancing on a thin ice, which does not even exist. Will the imaginary ice break soon? Luckily Mary likes swimming, but do I? Am I too shy? Will the water down there be too cold? I maybe yellow. She likes yellow, the colour I mean. Good for her…
Yesterday I was irritated. But not because of Mary. It was one of those days, when you feel it in advance, that something will go wrong. You just do not know what it is and then you start to wait for it.
We had agreed with Mary that she would spend the night with me at my place. When I started to feel that something would go wrong I called her to ask if I could go to hers instead.
She said we could talk about it later. Meanwhile I went for my writing course just to find out it was cancelled. I called her again to say that she is welcome to mine. She did not feel too good about this going back and forth and I had started to feel irritated as well. We decided not to stay together that night.
Wednesday
Back in business. I haven’t been writing these notes in the past three months, but now I am back. I am not doing too well right now. I’m having a bad flu and missing Mary. We have not been in touch for several weeks. In months to be exact.
Yesterday I got email from a photographer friend of mine. He had seen Mary in a tram and Mary had asked about me. Well, maybe I should give it another try. Next Sunday will be her 40th birthday and I would like to pay attention to her somehow. A phone call, a visit if I am welcome, flowers perhaps. It is now four o’clock in the morning and I can’t make a call right away just to ask if her pillow is well.
Tomorrow – I mean, later on – I will be even more confused about making a contact. Now I got it. Saturday will be Women’s Day. That will be a good time to give a try. I hope she is doing fine.
Last note:
“Happy birthday!
Dear Mary,
I am sorry for all the things that may have hurt you (in any way). I wish I could be the way you want me to be. I’m not sure if I can ever be even close to the way you’d like.
My apologies for the mistakes I’ve made. I do hope you could forgive me and give me another chance.
I wish we could have a connection, which was broken because of me.
Yours truly,
Jim”
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it’s an honest and interesting opening. i like the quirky voice of the narrator. i think when he starts talking about this writing, meta-writing, it’s a bit too much. Also, who is he speaking to?
Just a note,you use some unnecessary words. for example “my eyes seem to get a bit blurry” you don’t need “seem to” at all. You also don’t need “even” or “Well” in the same paragraph.
the letter at the end needs work. i think it’s too generic right now.
“I wish we could have a connection, which was broken because of me.” This line is confusing. He wants a connection that he broke? I think you need to rephrase that.
If you can make the letter a bit more unique and inspiring you might have something here. He’s a writer after all – can’t he do better?
Cool story.
“Some Notes” has a random, airy, stream of consciousness quality that might be more befitting for journal/diary/blogging category than short story. This piece seems to be missing the problem/solution you typically find in a short story and there is very little narrative between the characters that invite readers into the lives of Mary and Jim.
I found myself asking who are Mary and Jim? What is the nature of their relationship? Why is she reticent about gifts and sleeping over? She is 40 how old is Jim? Is that part of their difficulties, an age difference?
There is a nice style to the writing that is engaging and easy to read. The first person narrative pulls the reader in and promises more intimacy than what this story actually delivers. What is currently on the page works more like sound bites around a bigger story: Is it forbidden love? Is it a May/December relationship? Is it love between teacher/student?
I had trouble caring about this piece, it never drew me in which is the number one rule in writing.
Your overall image of the relationship of “Jim” to Mary seems vague. You give details, but there is no real insight into the character of Mary, just facts strewn here and there.
Your sentence structure is choppy. Sentences that should connect with each other are cut off and made into two sentences. This doesn’t work as dramatic effect, it disturbs the flow of the story. Some punctuation errors, but these are probably just the typical errors we all miss editing.
It felt more like a blog than a story. You really need to polish this up.
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