Poetry / SEPTEMBER

I enjoyed this very much.
The images and idea has a “fresh” feel.
But it failed to illustrate the connection between September and bubbles.

What a fun poem! I loved the unique description of September, as a month completely seperate and unique to the rest of the year. Comparing it to a boiling pot was unique as well, one wrong move and it’ll boil over! The final two lines, however, were the most powerful – and really brought the poem to a beautiful close. Great job!

It’s hopeful annd positive. The rhymes are not as tight as they could be and the metre is all over the places but it’s not an unpleasant read.

‘New reciepts in my mind start to hum’...that makes no sense to me I must confess.

Poetry is very much a matter of opinion and right or wrong is a very line…but also..what does ‘Pastel’ smell like..?

I assume you are capable of much better things…and this is quite off the cuff and the beginning of a burst of creative September inspired work as the poem suggests.

Good Lukc

I like the idea of comparing the 9th month with birth.
The meter/rhythym of the poem is off. The line “All things react…” is way too long. The last two lines though have a good rhythym.
Some of your word choice could be improved. I’m not sure how receipts hum.
You use both cooking as a metaphor and also birth…not sure how they go together. Maybe try just sticking with birth or find a way to connect the two.

hi there,

i’m not sure how and why this poem relates to September.(but i’m sure it’s a personal thing)..i do luv the line with the leaves rockin with the breeze..like a mother and her babies..i take it you like to cook and that’s the connection, but if iwas you i would be writing, like the leaves/children about the autum of september that everyone can relate too..i think you got talent, you just need to connect it to the people around you..hope i helped more than hurt…i yapped enough..keep writing,,,:)....jim

Give me some more. I like your style.

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September 02, 2008

by starla77

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
91	77.4% (31 votes)	14.0%

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31	F	Italy	December 01

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, but read the guidelines and give more specific reviews, please! Thank you.

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this poem was easy for me to read and understand. i also like the comparisons of september to cooking/food. keep up the good work…

Nothing is wrong this piece of literature. You have mastered what you do and great job.

If I am reading this correctly the poem is about a pregnancy.  I just wasn’t sure if it implied a September due date or dates marked on the calendar to procreate.

In V3 do you mean recipes?  receipts doesn’t make sense.

It is a creative metaphor for childbearing but borders on being too cutsey on the edges when the middle is rich with imagery.  I can see how the rhyme creates bubbling enthusiasm and childlike verve but as a woman who has experienced this process there are still a bevy of adult emotions that I don’t see touched upon here.

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August 29, 2008

by starla77

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31	F	Italy	December 01

This poem is about the energy and will to create I always feel more in september than in any other month of the year. It’s about the creative power in general. The “recipes” stand for any kind of project a person can have: school, job, writing, travelling, gardening, pregnancy, whatever. September is a particular month, the ninth month. If we want to see the whole year as a pregnant woman, in the ninth month she gives birth to lots of babies/recipes/things in general. So september is defintely the month of creation.
Thanks a lot for your review.

August 29, 2008

by Johnsienoel

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39	F	United States	December 01

You spelled “recipes” as receipts so you will want to change that in the final version.

August 30, 2008

by starla77

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91	77.4% (31 votes)	14.0%

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31	F	Italy	December 01

of course I will. I just took the wrong word from my English dictionary and I thank you a lot for your correction.

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This is inspirational, I felt my mind and emotions begin to boil while reading it just like the beginnings of a great creation. the metaphors and imagery are spectacular!

Recommendations: In the third stanza I think you meant recipes not reciepts,

Although I like the metaphor like a mother rocking sleepy babies I think that is too calm for this piece because prior to this I can feel a build up of something exciting coming and I feel like that is your objective.

Overall I love the idea and I’m faving it.