Thank you, I try.
Poetry / Lost Souls
A voice
of a thousand wishes
ringing through the night
The dreams
of a billion entities
screaming ‘til the dawn
The tears
of a trillion eyes
weeping for a cause
For years,
a thought of extinction
pulsing in their minds
At last
the crisis is over.
Man is gone – forever.
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TAUTHOR reviewed Version 1 -
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SHORT AND SWEET. I’D EMPHASIZE THE FIRST LINE OF EACH STANZA WITH THIS PIECE PROBABLY WITH A BOLD OR ITALIC. OTHER THAN THAT I LOVED THE ENERGY OF THIS POEM.
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FINALWORD reviewed Version 1 -
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Sad but true. Nice spin on perception and realization of viewpoint. Until next rhyme. JW
lauthiamkok reviewed Version 1 -
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It is an excellent structure and good choice of words, I like the words in this writings like ‘thousand’, ‘billion’, ‘trillion’ followed by each different objects/ subjects.
However, the ending of the poem or the message of this writing is really really disappoiting and it destroys the good feeling about the poem from the beginning. Just like watching a bad movie from Hollywood and wasted our money and times for it.
It’s nothing in deep, nor surprising, nor inspiring for an end like that and I am not sure what the actual point/ message you like to tell us – the reader here, after going through of many dispair, ‘wishes’, ‘dreams’, ‘tears’, and ‘years’.
For a good writer who experiences adversities must have something good to tell the reader so that we all benefit from it.
However, keep writing. Thank you.
Cheers.
SMRB reviewed Version 1 -
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Eights across the board for criteria.
The clarity rings true with an ease of readership that is also enjoyable to read.So much so that I would have happily read on and on if it were longer.
Of course you will be asked about a rhyme scheme, myself thoroughly enjoy writing a poem that rhymes and flows right through.
This poem flows wonderfully and is a good read .
The ending was abrupt and offered nothing more than a certain fact which closed this out perfectly.
I was thinking you might change “the crisis…” to “their crisis…” as a way of poking us in the eye one last time.
Don’t change a thing it is a very nicely and well written piece.
HAVE AN OUTSTANDING DAY!
At last
the crisis is over.
Man is gone – forever
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