Thanks for the review, Dayle. I’m so glad you enjoyed my humor.
Kat
Humor/Satire / Once Upon A Time
“Once upon a Time” used to be a phrase that set my heart afire. They were four words that held promise and potential…the promise of an exciting story that would transport me to worlds unknown, or the potential for learning a valuable life lesson from wise ones who had gone before.
Today, those four words have a whole new meaning. Once upon a time I could see my feet by simply turning my eyes downward. Today, I have to look in a full-length mirror or, heaven forbid, bend forward and fight vertigo to see my feet.
Once upon a time I leapt out of bed, anxious to begin a new day of adventures. Today I roll to one side, bring my legs forward slowly and hold on to the mattress as I push my sluggish body up, over and out. New adventures mean a trip to the health food store or bookstore for the latest weight loss food or bestseller.
Once upon a time brushing my teeth meant simply that…grabbing a toothbrush and brushing my teeth. Now, I take my teeth out to brush them and pray that they don’t slip out of my hands to the floor because I left my glasses in the next room and don’t want to step on my teeth to look for my glasses.
Once upon a time a shower was just a shower. Today it’s necessary hot water therapy for bones and joints that are simply there to hold together a body battling the ravages of gravity. Most days the water works (no pun intended) and gravity loses.
Once upon a time clothes were purchased and worn to show off the body. Today, clothes are purchased and worn to hide things. Shoes were worn to complete an outfit or show off a slender ankle and well-turned leg. Shoes are now purchased and worn for one purpose only…to protect and support. Forget fashion! Just give me a shoe that won’t rub, callus or contort my fallen arches and I’ll pay you a whole month’s social security check.
Once upon a time food was a treat…something to look forward to and prepare with happy heart and taste buds. Today, food has been reduced to fiber, low fat, good versus bad carbohydrates, no sugar and tons of antioxidants. When I go out to eat I have to look for the items with the healthy heart next to them on the menu or turn to the back of the menu for the Senior Citizen offerings.
Although “Once upon a time” now brings feelings of nostalgia, if I’m lucky, it will continue to do so for many years to come.
The End
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OfTrepidation reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed reading this. Although I am 28, I can still appreciate what you have to say and with this writing, visualize and somewhat put myself in your shoes. I do not neccessarily want to get older, but if Ican think about these things with humor, I know that the transistion will be much easier! This would be a great piece for the readers digest. I bet a lot of folks would get a kick out of it.
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wltshr reviewed Version 1 -
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I really had hopes for this. A brilliantly ironic beginning that sadly turned into a sorry bleat.
I had hoped to see more of a “so what” attitude. Potentially a good stand-up routine but needs more humour and less feeling sorry for yourself.
Nearly. This could still be good.
Regards
Wltshr
Miss_N reviewed Version 1 -
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Thank you for writing this. It describes well, the slowing down of the body and the special needs it accumulates. I am not even thirty yet, but I have put my body through a lot of abuse and am just beginning to feel that there is limited time left for me to abuse it further.
Kaabii203 reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought I was pretty funny. Maybe you should just delete the “The End”...
I really liked the beginning, and the title. Maybe you should end it with smoething that says “Once Upon a Time”. I don’t know. Just a random thought _
At first I thought you were just talking about fatness (no offense), because you couldn’t see your toes.
I thought it was good. =D
Dayle reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a really amusing piece which made me smile from start to finish. I particularly like the detail of what ‘Once upon a time’ means to a child. Your description of how this changes over the years is also very funny and I’m sure many readers had visions of the teeth falling etc. Keep up the good work.
rck419 reviewed Version 1 -
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“Today, those four words have a whole new meaning. Once upon a time I could see my feet by simply turning my eyes downward. Today, I have to look in a full-length mirror or, heaven forbid, bend forward and fight vertigo to see my feet.”
I really hate to copy and paste, but that is excellent. Unique humor in that it doesn’t really make you laugh, but gets you close to laughing.
It seems though that the beat set at the beginning gets lost somehow towards the end. But who am I to complain, I could never write something as witty as this. Great work.
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