Poetry / you changed us (Analysis)

wah-wah-we-wah.

fast and furious piece.  seems like you’ve got a theme of misplaced or forsaken responsibility here.

the see-saw is overloaded for much of the piece, “you changed us you changed us” and then the last line drops the weight and we hear the recipient of the narrator’s rant, even in his absence.  i like that.  

“breath”- breathe

“On line”- online

caps or no caps is up to you, stylistic preference.  i’d merely suggest puffing it up a little more, bring us closer to these characters, add a simple line or two to better establish what these actions entail.  

overall, good work.  thanks.  

This poem is so interesting for a couple reasons. One is that what the person is talking about in the writing, happens all the time which will definitley snag someones interest on that alone and another is the way you phrase the things that are happening. Aside from maybe checking your spelling and punctuation I have no other problems with this piece. Very well done!

Dear Stranger,

  An interesting idea -- that people can change others by their actions. I guess the people who are most likely to influence us are parents, then lovers, then friends -- I’m not sure who is referenced in this piece.
  While I was reading the lines you have down, I wondered what the changes were that the speaker of the poem undertook. Was there a way to fight back?
  The chatted onlne bit I didn’t understand as much as the others. It was very different from reasons that would normally change people. Still, interesting.
  There are a lot of way you could shake this poem up. I would like to see a duel of sorts between the speaker and this person—some sort of confrontation in which the blame is actually be brought up.

  Keep writing, hope any of this helps.

  D.R.