Screenplay / Identity Crucifix- A screenplay (Analysis)

FADE IN:

INT.  AN AD AGENCY OFFICE

Bobby D Martin is sitting at his boss’ desk.  Boss is holding
some paperwork in his hands, and gesturing while ranting at
Bobby.
                
                BOSS
        And how the hell do you justify THIS
        expense report?  Four tickets to the Red
        Sox game?  Beer?  Hot dogs?  Four tickets
        to Giants Stadium?  Four Plane tickets?  
        Two nights at the Hilton, in TWO ROOMS?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I AM supposed to entertain clients, right?
                
                BOSS
        Your FRIENDS are not clients!  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        These friends are.
                
                BOSS
        Well, they’d better buy some advertising
        this week, or you’re history.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        They will.
                
                BOSS
        I want the names of the people who went on
        these trips on my desk this afternoon.  By
        Friday, they’d better show up on a
        contract.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You bet.
                
                BOSS
        No, YOU bet.  Your job!

Bobby sighs, gets  up and leaves the office.  As he approaches
another office, the phone outer phone rings, his secretary
answers.  

EXT.     OFFICE #2
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        Bobby, it’s for you.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Who is it?
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        The IRS.  Want me to take a message?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        No, I’ll take it.  

INT.     OFFICE #2

To himself
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Shit.

Bobby D. Martin enters his office, pushes the speaker phone
on.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Bobby Martin.

Voice of IRS agent.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Is this Robert D. Martin?  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That would be me.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Mr. Martin, we have found a discrepancy in
        your last four years income taxes.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Oh?
                
                IRS AGENT
        It seems that you have been writing off a
        lot of business expenses related to
        entertainment.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That’s right.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Well, when we cross referenced your office,
        we found that, in fact, THEY are the ones
        who ultimately paid for these expenses.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What does that mean?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Well, that means the deductions you have
        been taking will be disallowed.  The total
        in penalty and interest for the past four
        years adds up to $147,095.74.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You are shitting me.
                
                IRS AGENT
        I’m afraid not.  I also have some bad news.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That wasn’t bad news?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Well, some worse news.  The fraud
        department would like to speak with you.  
        I’m afraid that they suspect you have been
        intentionally attempting to conceal your
        income, and file false tax reports.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What is the penalty for that?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Ten years in prison for each of four
        counts.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You were right.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Sir?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That was worse news.
                
                IRS AGENT
        They want you in their office at One Tax
        Plaza next Friday at 4:30 pm.  Can you make
        it?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Do I have a choice?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Yes, you can get taken out of your office
        in handcuffs, and add ten years per count
        for evasion.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I’ll be there.

He punches the button to hang up the phone.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        This can’t possibly get any worse!

The phone rings again.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Gina?
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        It’s Becky for you.  Line one.

Bobby, mockingly.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Line one.  I only HAVE one line Gina.

He punches the speaker phone on again.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hi honey!
                
                BECKY
        (crying)
        I’m leaving!  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What?
                
                BECKY
        I’m done!  I told you I can’t stand your
        sports anymore!  Dan called.  He said you
        were meeting him at Shasta’s to watch the
        game after work.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You can come!
                
                BECKY
        No, Bobby, that’s it.  I’m taking Rufus,
        and I’m leaving. Now. You’ll never see me
        again.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You can’t take Rufus, he’s MY DOG!  I’ve
        had him since I was 18!
                
                BECKY
        Well, you don’t have him now.  When you get
        home, I’ll be gone.  Goodbye.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hold on…

Sound of a click, then dial tone.

Bobby clicks off the speaker phone.  Looks up.  Gina is
standing there.
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        Bad day?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        The worst ever!  
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        Well, I have an appointment, so I’m leaving
        for the day.  You need anything?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Yeah, a pistol, ski mask, and a bottle of
        barbituates.
                
                SECRETARY GINA
        I’ll talk to my boyfriend.

She exits, Bobby lumps into his chair.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.  SHASTA’S BAR

Bobby and a male friend (Tony) are sitting at a table, there
is a baseball game on the television.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        So, unless you guys buy some ad space in
        the magazine, I’m toast!
                
                TONY
        So you think I can afford $64,000 to
        advertise my landscaping business?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        It’s only $32,000 for half a page.
                
                TONY
        If I had 32 grand I wouldn’t have to work
        for half a year!  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I knew that.  Anyway, then the IRS called,
        and told me I owe over One hundred fifty
        big ones in taxes and penalties.
                
                TONY
        One hundred fifty dollars?  No big deal.

He starts reaching in his pocket.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        One hundred fifty THOUSAND.

Tony’s hand shoots out of his pocket.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        One hundred forty seven thousand dollars
        and seventy four cents, to be exact.
                
                TONY
        Shit!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That’s what I said.  But the worst of all..
                
                TONY
        It can’t get worse.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Yup.  Becky left me.
                
                TONY
        Whew, I thought it would be something
        horrible.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        She took Rufus!
                
                TONY
        ARRRRRRGH!  That heartless bitch!  You want
        me to hunt her down?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        No.  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I’m just so
        confused right now.  I can’t take Rufus to
        prison with me.
                
                TONY
        Prison?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Well, the IRS guy…..

He notices Tony staring at the television, and turns to see
what is distracting him.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.   SHASTA’S BAR- A TELEVISION ON THE WALL

There is a special bulletin being broadcast on the
television.  On the bottom is says.  Robert D. Martin, 27,
Died while yachting on Lake Ontario.  There is a picture of
the deceased.  The deceased looks very similar to Bobby.
                
                TELEVISION ANNOUNCER
        Once again, It is reported that 27 year old
        multi millionaire, Robert D. Martin, is
        presumed dead after accidentally falling
        overboard from a yacht in Lake Ontario.  
        Authorities have called off their search
        after searching three consecutive days for
        the young entrepreneur.  We wish his family
        well.  And now, here’s Harold with the
        weather…

A voice drones on in the background.
                
                WEATHER GUY
        Thank you Terry. It’s going to be a great
        night by the Great Lakes…

The voice fades out
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.   SHASTA’S BAR

Bobby and Tony at table.
                
                TONY
        Wow, that’s funny.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What do you mean?
                
                TONY
        That guy had the same name as you.  And he
        looked like you, too.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        So?
                
                TONY
        So, this is your chance!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What?
                
                TONY
        The guy was a multi millionaire!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        And?
                
                TONY
        And you have the same name!  Don’t you get
        it?  Robert D. Martin, Bobby D. Martin?  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        My name is Robert.
                
                TONY
        Ding!  There you go.  All you have to do is
        assume this guys identity.  It is a
        natural!  Next thing you know, all your
        troubles are over!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You think?
                
                TONY
        Hell, yes, I think!  I’ll help you!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What do we do?
                
                TONY
        Well, I’ll get on the internet, we’ll get
        as much info as we can, then we’ll piece it
        together, and you go live the millionaire
        life!  Of course, you owe me forever.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Of course.  You think it will work?
                
                TONY
        Absolutely!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Let’s do it.

They spit on their hands, and shake on it.
                
                TONY
        I’ll start tomorrow.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        (apprehensively)
        I hope this works.
                
                TONY
        I know what I’m doing!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I hope so.
                
                TONY
        You’ll be a millionaire in two days.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That would kick ass.
                
                TONY
        WILL kick ass, think positive thoughts, my
        man.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        It’s been a rough day, I’m going to go
        home.
                
                TONY
        Alright, talk to  you tomorrow.

Bobby gets up and exits the bar.
                
                TONY
        (to himself)
        Poor guy.

Tony has a drink.
                        
                        CUT TO:

EXT.  BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE

Bobby has just pulled up to his house.  The front door is wide
open.  All the furniture is gone, except some bar stools.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What the….  I just got done PAYING for
        all that furniture
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.  BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE

BObby spots a dog dish on the floor that says “Rufus”.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.   BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE

Bobby is sad.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Did she have to take my best buddy too?  I
        don’t care about the dang couch, but that
        is ridiculous!

He goes to the fridge.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I am starving.

He opens the fridge door, there is nothing in it but dog
biscuits.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Shit!  Well, Rufus, you gotta share.

He takes the dog biscuits out, eats one.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That is horrible! Wow! Sorry Rufus, I
        didn’t know!

He is rinsing his mouth out in the sink.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        This has been one crappy day.  I’m going to
        bed.

He goes to the bedroom, opens the door, there is no bed.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Great.

He goes to the closet, grabs a bunch of clothes, tosses them
on the floor, and lays down on them.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Good thing she couldn’t wear my clothes.

He snuggles in, goes to sleep.
                        
                        FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

Bobby is snoring, he has clothing items wrapped around him.  
There is a knock on the door in the background.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Go away.

The knock is louder.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Go AWAY!

The sound of a door being smashed in.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What the

A voice from the corridor.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Revenue Agent Get on the ground!
        You are trespassing on Federal Property!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Federal property?  This is my house!
                
                IRS AGENT
        Not any more.  We are serving a Tax Lien on
        this property.  You must leave the premises
        immediately!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Can I get some clothes?
                
                IRS AGENT
        After we inventory everything, you can
        requisition property from the office of
        Property Disposal.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        How long will that take.
                
                IRS AGENT
        Six to eight weeks, sir.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        No way.  
                
                IRS AGENT
        You must leave now, sir, or you will be
        detained.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Detained?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Arrested.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I’m out of here.

He walks outside, there is a tow truck driving off with his
car.  He runs after it in his underwear.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hey!  Come back!  That’s my car!

He gives up, panting.  He walks back to his driveway.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Did you HAVE to take my car?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Federal Regulations, sir.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        NOW how am I supposed to go to work?
                
                IRS AGENT
        Bus?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Ha, ha.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.   A BUS

Bobby is riding to work.  He calls his boss on his cell phone.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hi boss.  I’m going to be a little late for
        work today.  The IRS took my car, and I
        have to ride a bus to work.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.   AN AD AGENCY OFFICE

Bobby’s boss is standing, watching a staff of workers clean
out Bobby’s office.
                
                BOSS
        Don’t worry about coming in anymore.  The
        IRS is here cleaning out your office right
        now.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.    A BUS
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        No way!
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.    AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
                
                BOSS
        Way.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.    A BUS
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Thanks.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.    AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
                
                BOSS
        Don’t mention it.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.    A BUS

Bobby hangs up his cell phone.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        NOW what am I going to do?
                        
                        CUT TO:

EXT.    A NICE HOME

Bobby is standing next to a “Tony’s Lawn Care” van.  He is
watching Tony as he berates an employee.
                
                TONY
        You call that edging?  My grandmother does
        a better job!
                        
                        CUT TO:

An old lady (Tony’s grandmother) is edging nearby.  She gives
the thumbs up.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:
                
                TONY
        (to his helper)
        Now, get back to work, and this time, get
        it right!

Tony comes over to Bobby.  They shake hands.
                
                TONY
        What’s up partner?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        The IRS took my house.
                
                TONY
        Wow, that was fast.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Not really, they sent three notices, Becky
        just never showed them to me.
                
                TONY
        That bitch.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Yeah, they got my car, too.
                
                TONY
        Ouch.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Then I got fired.  
                
                TONY
        Want to borrow a gun?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        No.  Maybe.  What do you have in mind?
                
                TONY
        That was a joke.  I looked up that other
        Robert Martin guy last night after I got
        home.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        And?
                
                TONY
        And here.

He reaches into his van, grabs some paperwork, and hands it to
Bobby.
                
                TONY
        This is his Birth Certificate, his Social
        Security number, Drivers License number,
        address, and Cell phone info.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What do I do with this?
                
                TONY
        Well, take the birth certificate, and the
        social security card, go to the license
        bureau and get a new license with YOUR
        picture on it.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Good one.
                
                TONY
        Yeah, then you get a new cell phone sent to
        you, with his number on it.  Viola, you are
        HIM.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        And then what?
                
                TONY
        Then we use the bank info I pulled off the
        net to make a withdrawal.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        How much does he have?
                
                TONY
        He’s loaded.  Big time loaded.  Many
        zeros.  Take my van, go get this stuff
        done.  We’ve got to get the money before
        his attorneys do.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I’m on my way.  Is it ok if I stay at your
        house for a couple of days?
                
                TONY
        Sure.  Get out of here.  I’ll have grandma
        drive me around in her car.  See you
        tonight.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Thanks.

Bobby gets in the van, drives off.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     A LICENSE BUREAU

Bobby is getting his picture taken.

Bobby is admiring his new license.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     TONY’S HOUSE

It is a dirty little place, clothes all over.  Bobby is
looking over Tony’s shoulder as he is working on the internet.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That is a LOT of MONEY!
                
                TONY
        Darn right, partner, and it’s all yours.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Minus 20 percent.
                
                TONY
        It WAS my idea!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I don’t mind.  Are you kidding?  This is my
        only chance.
                
                TONY
        Tonight, I figure out the access codes.
        Then, tomorrow, when the bank opens, we get
        rich!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I’ll never get to sleep.
                
                TONY
        Yes, you will, grandma turns the lights out
        at 10 o clock.

Just then the lights go out.
                
                GRANDMA
        You kids stop wasting electricity and go to
        sleep!
                
                TONY AND BOBBY
        Yes, ma’am.

In the dark.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You need to hurry up with those codes.
                
                TONY
        You’re telling me.
                        
                        CUT TO:

It is the next morning, Bobby is asleep on the couch.  There
is a cat sleeping on his head.  It’s tail is in his mouth.  He
wakes up.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What the…  jesus!  

He looks on the table next to him.  There is a note.  He picks
it up. He reads it aloud.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Back at ten to pick you up.  Tony.  All
        right!

The doorbell rings.  Bobby answers the door. It is a package
delivery man.  He hands Bobby 2 packages.  They are the size
of a cell phone.  Bobby signs for the packages.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Thanks.

He goes inside, sits on the couch.  He opens one of the
packages.  He pulls out an item.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What the..

The item is a sex toy.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Dang it, wrong package!  

He looks at the label on the box.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Grandma!  You devil!

He sticks the toy back in the box, opens the other one.  It is
the cell phone.  He pulls it out, and sticks it on the
charger.  He plugs it into the wall to charge.  

The phone rings.  Bobby answers it.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hello?  Yes, this is Robert.  Tonight?  
        Sure I can handle that.  $2000?  Room 217?  
        No problem.  O.K., thanks.

He hangs up the phone.  Tony enters the room.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You won’t believe this.
                
                TONY
        What’s that?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Robert Martin was an ESCORT!
                
                TONY
        So, you are going to be rich, AND get laid?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Yeah!

They high five.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Two thousand a pop!
                
                TONY
        Damn, you must be good!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I am!
                
                TONY
        Damn straight!  You must be a real player!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I am!
                
                TONY
        You must be hung like a horse!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I am!
        (he hesitates)
        In big trouble!
                
                TONY
        No problem, man, they make a pill for that.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Oh, yeah, you got some?
                
                TONY
        No, but my grandma does.  I’ll get you
        some.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Great, hung like a horse, yeah!
                
                TONY
        Here we go homey.  Tomorrow, we hit the
        bank for real.  I’ll get the account
        numbers while you’re out.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I better get ready.

Bobby heads for the shower, Tony gets on the computer.
                        
                        CUT TO:

Bobby coming out of the bathroom, his suit is too big.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Is this all you’ve got?
                
                TONY
        Sorry man, I only have one suit. It works
        for weddings and funerals.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Oh, well, maybe it will be dark.  
                
                TONY
        Here’s those pills.

Tony hands Bobby some pills.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        How many do I take?
                
                TONY
        I don’t know, they don’t say on the
        commercials.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You didn’t read the bottle?
                
                TONY
        No, but I think horse size is probably
        three.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Three?
                
                TONY
        Or four.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        O.K.  Thanks.  I’m off, wish me luck.
                
                TONY
        Who are you meeting anyway?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        All I know is her first name, Jamie.
                
                TONY
        All right, bro!  Look out Jamie, Bobby
        Crazy Horse is on the way!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You got that right.

He sprays himself with cologne.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        By the way, I need your van.

Tony tosses him the keys.
                
                TONY
        Here you go horse boy.

Bobby exits the front door, making horse noises.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        (horse noises)
                        
                        CUT TO:

EXT.    HOTEL ROOM 217

Bobby is approaching the door, he is nervous.  He takes out
the pills, and looks at them.  He starts to take three, then
decides on four.  He takes them, has trouble swallowing them.  
Then he knocks on the door.  A few seconds pass.  The door
flies open.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        Hello there!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hi, I’m looking for Jamie.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        I’m Jamie!  Come in, did Robert send you?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Um, yes.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        (with a flourish)
        Well, come in!  What is your name?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        (nervously)
        Um, Bobby?  
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     HOTEL ROOM 217

Bobby and Jamie enter the room.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        You’re nervous.  How about a drink?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Sure.  I’ll have a whiskey.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        And?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        More whiskey?
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        You are funny!  I like you!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Um, thanks.

Bobby slams the whole whiskey in one gulp.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        Look, this may sound kinky, but I like to
        play dress up.  I’ll stay in here and
        change, and you go into the bathroom.  I
        have an outfit in there I’m sure you’ll
        like.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        That sounds interesting.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        See you in a minute.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        O.k.

Bobby heads into the bathroom.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     A HOTEL BATHROOM

Bobby is in the bathroom, he is changing into some women’s
lingerie.  The pills have taken effect, and his “junk” will
not go down.  He is wearing a wig and women’s lingerie, and
looking at himself in the mirror applying lipstick.  
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Is this better than prison?  At least I get
        paid this way.  Come on Bobby, pull
        yourself together.  You can do this.

His “junk” is standing straight out of the lingerie.  He exits
the bathroom, and sets his clothes on a chair by the door.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     HOTEL ROOM 217

Jamie is wearing a wig, and a black leather dominator outfit,
holding a whip.  He snaps the whip.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        Are you ready?
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        I guess so.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        (notices the bulge)
        I guess you ARE!

Bobby’s cell phone rings.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Let me take that first.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        O.k., but hurry up Donkey Boy!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Hello?
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.    TONY’S HOUSE

Tony is working on the computer.  
                
                TONY
        How’s the date going, horsey boy?
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.     HOTEL ROOM 217

Jamie is sitting close to Bobby, rubbing him with the whip.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Interesting.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.     TONY’S HOUSE

Tony is working on the computer.
                
                TONY
        Well, I’ve got great news.
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.      HOTEL ROOM 217

Jamie is riding on top of Bobby, hitting him on the butt with
the whip.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        What is that?
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.      TONY’S HOUSE

Tony is working on the computer.
                
                TONY
        I’ve got the codes!
                        
                        CUT BACK TO:

INT.     HOTEL ROOM 217
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        You’re absolutely positive?

Tony’s voice on phone
                
                TONY
        I’m positive!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Yee-hah!

He jumps up and runs out the door, grabbing his pants only.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        Come back, my Palomino! Come back!  We just
        got started!
                        
                        CUT TO:

EXT.     HOTEL ROOM 217

Bobby is running down the hall.
                
                JAMIE- A MAN
        (dejected)
        Don’t expect a tip!  Asshole.

Jamie closes the door to 217.
                        
                        CUT TO:

INT.     TONY’S HOUSE

Bobby enters the front door.  He is wearing the wig, lipstick,
and lingerie still, but has his pants on.  His “junk” is still
fully at attention.  He takes off the wig, and throws it down.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Don’t ask.
                
                TONY
        I wasn’t going to.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        And by the way, it’s ONE pill, not FOUR!
                
                TONY
        I said three.
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        Whatever.  One.  One is the answer.
                
                TONY
        Is this when you’re supposed to seek
        medical treatment?

Grandma enters from a side door (her bedroom). She sees Bobby
in the lipstick and lingerie sitting next to Tony and freaks
out.  She notices Bobby and Tony staring at the bulge in
Bobby’s pants.
                
                GRANDMA
        So, THAT’s where my pills went, you sick
        bastards!  Tony, how COULD you!
                
                TONY
        No, grandma, I, we, I, oh shit!
                
                BOBBY D. MARTIN
        YOU’RE the one mail ordering SEX TOYS!
                
                GRANDMA
        That was a gift for my daughter!  Her
        husband died two years ago.  You used it
        already, AND the pills!

She gets her cane.
                
                GRANDMA
        Get out!  Get out you perverts!

Bobby and Tony run out the door, Grandma in pursuit with her
can raised high.

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Mikhail_S avatar General Stranger

September 04, 2008

Mikhail_S

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Mikhail_S reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Brilliant screenplay!

I like the gestures of Bobby, you capture his manic movements very well (esp. in terms of conversational nuance). I also appreciate the elegiac nature of the narration.

You also capture the darkness of this gritty real world very well. I really felt that I was there, in that horrible world you portrayed. The fact you were able to do this in the screenplay means that you are more likely to achieve this aim if the piece comes to be shot. I know I have had similiar troubles with the IRS.

You depict squalor with enough detachment for it to be believable. I would appreciated a little more depth into the character of Bobby… he seemed somehow detached in the story and I felt there to be something of a barrier between him and the reader.

Asides from this, a veritable powerhouse of writing. Well done!

Mikhail

TheApostate avatar General Stranger

September 02, 2008

TheApostate

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TheApostate reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item
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