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Screenplay / Identity Crucifix- A screenplay (Analysis)
FADE IN:
INT. AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
Bobby D Martin is sitting at his boss’ desk. Boss is holding
some paperwork in his hands, and gesturing while ranting at
Bobby.
BOSS
And how the hell do you justify THIS
expense report? Four tickets to the Red
Sox game? Beer? Hot dogs? Four tickets
to Giants Stadium? Four Plane tickets?
Two nights at the Hilton, in TWO ROOMS?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I AM supposed to entertain clients, right?
BOSS
Your FRIENDS are not clients!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
These friends are.
BOSS
Well, they’d better buy some advertising
this week, or you’re history.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
They will.
BOSS
I want the names of the people who went on
these trips on my desk this afternoon. By
Friday, they’d better show up on a
contract.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You bet.
BOSS
No, YOU bet. Your job!
Bobby sighs, gets up and leaves the office. As he approaches
another office, the phone outer phone rings, his secretary
answers.
EXT. OFFICE #2
SECRETARY GINA
Bobby, it’s for you.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Who is it?
SECRETARY GINA
The IRS. Want me to take a message?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
No, I’ll take it.
INT. OFFICE #2
To himself
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Shit.
Bobby D. Martin enters his office, pushes the speaker phone
on.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Bobby Martin.
Voice of IRS agent.
IRS AGENT
Is this Robert D. Martin?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That would be me.
IRS AGENT
Mr. Martin, we have found a discrepancy in
your last four years income taxes.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Oh?
IRS AGENT
It seems that you have been writing off a
lot of business expenses related to
entertainment.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That’s right.
IRS AGENT
Well, when we cross referenced your office,
we found that, in fact, THEY are the ones
who ultimately paid for these expenses.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What does that mean?
IRS AGENT
Well, that means the deductions you have
been taking will be disallowed. The total
in penalty and interest for the past four
years adds up to $147,095.74.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You are shitting me.
IRS AGENT
I’m afraid not. I also have some bad news.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That wasn’t bad news?
IRS AGENT
Well, some worse news. The fraud
department would like to speak with you.
I’m afraid that they suspect you have been
intentionally attempting to conceal your
income, and file false tax reports.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What is the penalty for that?
IRS AGENT
Ten years in prison for each of four
counts.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You were right.
IRS AGENT
Sir?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That was worse news.
IRS AGENT
They want you in their office at One Tax
Plaza next Friday at 4:30 pm. Can you make
it?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Do I have a choice?
IRS AGENT
Yes, you can get taken out of your office
in handcuffs, and add ten years per count
for evasion.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I’ll be there.
He punches the button to hang up the phone.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
This can’t possibly get any worse!
The phone rings again.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Gina?
SECRETARY GINA
It’s Becky for you. Line one.
Bobby, mockingly.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Line one. I only HAVE one line Gina.
He punches the speaker phone on again.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hi honey!
BECKY
(crying)
I’m leaving!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What?
BECKY
I’m done! I told you I can’t stand your
sports anymore! Dan called. He said you
were meeting him at Shasta’s to watch the
game after work.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You can come!
BECKY
No, Bobby, that’s it. I’m taking Rufus,
and I’m leaving. Now. You’ll never see me
again.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You can’t take Rufus, he’s MY DOG! I’ve
had him since I was 18!
BECKY
Well, you don’t have him now. When you get
home, I’ll be gone. Goodbye.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hold on…
Sound of a click, then dial tone.
Bobby clicks off the speaker phone. Looks up. Gina is
standing there.
SECRETARY GINA
Bad day?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
The worst ever!
SECRETARY GINA
Well, I have an appointment, so I’m leaving
for the day. You need anything?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Yeah, a pistol, ski mask, and a bottle of
barbituates.
SECRETARY GINA
I’ll talk to my boyfriend.
She exits, Bobby lumps into his chair.
CUT TO:
INT. SHASTA’S BAR
Bobby and a male friend (Tony) are sitting at a table, there
is a baseball game on the television.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
So, unless you guys buy some ad space in
the magazine, I’m toast!
TONY
So you think I can afford $64,000 to
advertise my landscaping business?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
It’s only $32,000 for half a page.
TONY
If I had 32 grand I wouldn’t have to work
for half a year!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I knew that. Anyway, then the IRS called,
and told me I owe over One hundred fifty
big ones in taxes and penalties.
TONY
One hundred fifty dollars? No big deal.
He starts reaching in his pocket.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
One hundred fifty THOUSAND.
Tony’s hand shoots out of his pocket.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
One hundred forty seven thousand dollars
and seventy four cents, to be exact.
TONY
Shit!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That’s what I said. But the worst of all..
TONY
It can’t get worse.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Yup. Becky left me.
TONY
Whew, I thought it would be something
horrible.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
She took Rufus!
TONY
ARRRRRRGH! That heartless bitch! You want
me to hunt her down?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
No. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m just so
confused right now. I can’t take Rufus to
prison with me.
TONY
Prison?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Well, the IRS guy…..
He notices Tony staring at the television, and turns to see
what is distracting him.
CUT TO:
INT. SHASTA’S BAR- A TELEVISION ON THE WALL
There is a special bulletin being broadcast on the
television. On the bottom is says. Robert D. Martin, 27,
Died while yachting on Lake Ontario. There is a picture of
the deceased. The deceased looks very similar to Bobby.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER
Once again, It is reported that 27 year old
multi millionaire, Robert D. Martin, is
presumed dead after accidentally falling
overboard from a yacht in Lake Ontario.
Authorities have called off their search
after searching three consecutive days for
the young entrepreneur. We wish his family
well. And now, here’s Harold with the
weather…
A voice drones on in the background.
WEATHER GUY
Thank you Terry. It’s going to be a great
night by the Great Lakes…
The voice fades out
CUT BACK TO:
INT. SHASTA’S BAR
Bobby and Tony at table.
TONY
Wow, that’s funny.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What do you mean?
TONY
That guy had the same name as you. And he
looked like you, too.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
So?
TONY
So, this is your chance!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What?
TONY
The guy was a multi millionaire!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
And?
TONY
And you have the same name! Don’t you get
it? Robert D. Martin, Bobby D. Martin?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
My name is Robert.
TONY
Ding! There you go. All you have to do is
assume this guys identity. It is a
natural! Next thing you know, all your
troubles are over!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You think?
TONY
Hell, yes, I think! I’ll help you!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What do we do?
TONY
Well, I’ll get on the internet, we’ll get
as much info as we can, then we’ll piece it
together, and you go live the millionaire
life! Of course, you owe me forever.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Of course. You think it will work?
TONY
Absolutely!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Let’s do it.
They spit on their hands, and shake on it.
TONY
I’ll start tomorrow.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
(apprehensively)
I hope this works.
TONY
I know what I’m doing!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I hope so.
TONY
You’ll be a millionaire in two days.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That would kick ass.
TONY
WILL kick ass, think positive thoughts, my
man.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
It’s been a rough day, I’m going to go
home.
TONY
Alright, talk to you tomorrow.
Bobby gets up and exits the bar.
TONY
(to himself)
Poor guy.
Tony has a drink.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE
Bobby has just pulled up to his house. The front door is wide
open. All the furniture is gone, except some bar stools.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What the…. I just got done PAYING for
all that furniture
CUT TO:
INT. BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE
BObby spots a dog dish on the floor that says “Rufus”.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. BOBBY D. MARTIN’S HOUSE
Bobby is sad.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Did she have to take my best buddy too? I
don’t care about the dang couch, but that
is ridiculous!
He goes to the fridge.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I am starving.
He opens the fridge door, there is nothing in it but dog
biscuits.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Shit! Well, Rufus, you gotta share.
He takes the dog biscuits out, eats one.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That is horrible! Wow! Sorry Rufus, I
didn’t know!
He is rinsing his mouth out in the sink.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
This has been one crappy day. I’m going to
bed.
He goes to the bedroom, opens the door, there is no bed.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Great.
He goes to the closet, grabs a bunch of clothes, tosses them
on the floor, and lays down on them.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Good thing she couldn’t wear my clothes.
He snuggles in, goes to sleep.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
Bobby is snoring, he has clothing items wrapped around him.
There is a knock on the door in the background.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Go away.
The knock is louder.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Go AWAY!
The sound of a door being smashed in.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What the
A voice from the corridor.
IRS AGENT
Revenue Agent Get on the ground!
You are trespassing on Federal Property!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Federal property? This is my house!
IRS AGENT
Not any more. We are serving a Tax Lien on
this property. You must leave the premises
immediately!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Can I get some clothes?
IRS AGENT
After we inventory everything, you can
requisition property from the office of
Property Disposal.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
How long will that take.
IRS AGENT
Six to eight weeks, sir.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
No way.
IRS AGENT
You must leave now, sir, or you will be
detained.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Detained?
IRS AGENT
Arrested.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I’m out of here.
He walks outside, there is a tow truck driving off with his
car. He runs after it in his underwear.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hey! Come back! That’s my car!
He gives up, panting. He walks back to his driveway.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Did you HAVE to take my car?
IRS AGENT
Federal Regulations, sir.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
NOW how am I supposed to go to work?
IRS AGENT
Bus?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Ha, ha.
CUT TO:
INT. A BUS
Bobby is riding to work. He calls his boss on his cell phone.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hi boss. I’m going to be a little late for
work today. The IRS took my car, and I
have to ride a bus to work.
CUT TO:
INT. AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
Bobby’s boss is standing, watching a staff of workers clean
out Bobby’s office.
BOSS
Don’t worry about coming in anymore. The
IRS is here cleaning out your office right
now.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. A BUS
BOBBY D. MARTIN
No way!
CUT BACK TO:
INT. AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
BOSS
Way.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. A BUS
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Thanks.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. AN AD AGENCY OFFICE
BOSS
Don’t mention it.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. A BUS
Bobby hangs up his cell phone.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
NOW what am I going to do?
CUT TO:
EXT. A NICE HOME
Bobby is standing next to a “Tony’s Lawn Care” van. He is
watching Tony as he berates an employee.
TONY
You call that edging? My grandmother does
a better job!
CUT TO:
An old lady (Tony’s grandmother) is edging nearby. She gives
the thumbs up.
CUT BACK TO:
TONY
(to his helper)
Now, get back to work, and this time, get
it right!
Tony comes over to Bobby. They shake hands.
TONY
What’s up partner?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
The IRS took my house.
TONY
Wow, that was fast.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Not really, they sent three notices, Becky
just never showed them to me.
TONY
That bitch.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Yeah, they got my car, too.
TONY
Ouch.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Then I got fired.
TONY
Want to borrow a gun?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
No. Maybe. What do you have in mind?
TONY
That was a joke. I looked up that other
Robert Martin guy last night after I got
home.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
And?
TONY
And here.
He reaches into his van, grabs some paperwork, and hands it to
Bobby.
TONY
This is his Birth Certificate, his Social
Security number, Drivers License number,
address, and Cell phone info.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What do I do with this?
TONY
Well, take the birth certificate, and the
social security card, go to the license
bureau and get a new license with YOUR
picture on it.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Good one.
TONY
Yeah, then you get a new cell phone sent to
you, with his number on it. Viola, you are
HIM.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
And then what?
TONY
Then we use the bank info I pulled off the
net to make a withdrawal.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
How much does he have?
TONY
He’s loaded. Big time loaded. Many
zeros. Take my van, go get this stuff
done. We’ve got to get the money before
his attorneys do.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I’m on my way. Is it ok if I stay at your
house for a couple of days?
TONY
Sure. Get out of here. I’ll have grandma
drive me around in her car. See you
tonight.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Thanks.
Bobby gets in the van, drives off.
CUT TO:
INT. A LICENSE BUREAU
Bobby is getting his picture taken.
Bobby is admiring his new license.
CUT TO:
INT. TONY’S HOUSE
It is a dirty little place, clothes all over. Bobby is
looking over Tony’s shoulder as he is working on the internet.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That is a LOT of MONEY!
TONY
Darn right, partner, and it’s all yours.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Minus 20 percent.
TONY
It WAS my idea!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I don’t mind. Are you kidding? This is my
only chance.
TONY
Tonight, I figure out the access codes.
Then, tomorrow, when the bank opens, we get
rich!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I’ll never get to sleep.
TONY
Yes, you will, grandma turns the lights out
at 10 o clock.
Just then the lights go out.
GRANDMA
You kids stop wasting electricity and go to
sleep!
TONY AND BOBBY
Yes, ma’am.
In the dark.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You need to hurry up with those codes.
TONY
You’re telling me.
CUT TO:
It is the next morning, Bobby is asleep on the couch. There
is a cat sleeping on his head. It’s tail is in his mouth. He
wakes up.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What the… jesus!
He looks on the table next to him. There is a note. He picks
it up. He reads it aloud.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Back at ten to pick you up. Tony. All
right!
The doorbell rings. Bobby answers the door. It is a package
delivery man. He hands Bobby 2 packages. They are the size
of a cell phone. Bobby signs for the packages.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Thanks.
He goes inside, sits on the couch. He opens one of the
packages. He pulls out an item.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What the..
The item is a sex toy.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Dang it, wrong package!
He looks at the label on the box.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Grandma! You devil!
He sticks the toy back in the box, opens the other one. It is
the cell phone. He pulls it out, and sticks it on the
charger. He plugs it into the wall to charge.
The phone rings. Bobby answers it.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hello? Yes, this is Robert. Tonight?
Sure I can handle that. $2000? Room 217?
No problem. O.K., thanks.
He hangs up the phone. Tony enters the room.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You won’t believe this.
TONY
What’s that?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Robert Martin was an ESCORT!
TONY
So, you are going to be rich, AND get laid?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Yeah!
They high five.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Two thousand a pop!
TONY
Damn, you must be good!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I am!
TONY
Damn straight! You must be a real player!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I am!
TONY
You must be hung like a horse!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I am!
(he hesitates)
In big trouble!
TONY
No problem, man, they make a pill for that.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Oh, yeah, you got some?
TONY
No, but my grandma does. I’ll get you
some.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Great, hung like a horse, yeah!
TONY
Here we go homey. Tomorrow, we hit the
bank for real. I’ll get the account
numbers while you’re out.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I better get ready.
Bobby heads for the shower, Tony gets on the computer.
CUT TO:
Bobby coming out of the bathroom, his suit is too big.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Is this all you’ve got?
TONY
Sorry man, I only have one suit. It works
for weddings and funerals.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Oh, well, maybe it will be dark.
TONY
Here’s those pills.
Tony hands Bobby some pills.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
How many do I take?
TONY
I don’t know, they don’t say on the
commercials.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You didn’t read the bottle?
TONY
No, but I think horse size is probably
three.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Three?
TONY
Or four.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
O.K. Thanks. I’m off, wish me luck.
TONY
Who are you meeting anyway?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
All I know is her first name, Jamie.
TONY
All right, bro! Look out Jamie, Bobby
Crazy Horse is on the way!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You got that right.
He sprays himself with cologne.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
By the way, I need your van.
Tony tosses him the keys.
TONY
Here you go horse boy.
Bobby exits the front door, making horse noises.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
(horse noises)
CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Bobby is approaching the door, he is nervous. He takes out
the pills, and looks at them. He starts to take three, then
decides on four. He takes them, has trouble swallowing them.
Then he knocks on the door. A few seconds pass. The door
flies open.
JAMIE- A MAN
Hello there!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hi, I’m looking for Jamie.
JAMIE- A MAN
I’m Jamie! Come in, did Robert send you?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Um, yes.
JAMIE- A MAN
(with a flourish)
Well, come in! What is your name?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
(nervously)
Um, Bobby?
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Bobby and Jamie enter the room.
JAMIE- A MAN
You’re nervous. How about a drink?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Sure. I’ll have a whiskey.
JAMIE- A MAN
And?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
More whiskey?
JAMIE- A MAN
You are funny! I like you!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Um, thanks.
Bobby slams the whole whiskey in one gulp.
JAMIE- A MAN
Look, this may sound kinky, but I like to
play dress up. I’ll stay in here and
change, and you go into the bathroom. I
have an outfit in there I’m sure you’ll
like.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
That sounds interesting.
JAMIE- A MAN
See you in a minute.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
O.k.
Bobby heads into the bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. A HOTEL BATHROOM
Bobby is in the bathroom, he is changing into some women’s
lingerie. The pills have taken effect, and his “junk” will
not go down. He is wearing a wig and women’s lingerie, and
looking at himself in the mirror applying lipstick.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Is this better than prison? At least I get
paid this way. Come on Bobby, pull
yourself together. You can do this.
His “junk” is standing straight out of the lingerie. He exits
the bathroom, and sets his clothes on a chair by the door.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Jamie is wearing a wig, and a black leather dominator outfit,
holding a whip. He snaps the whip.
JAMIE- A MAN
Are you ready?
BOBBY D. MARTIN
I guess so.
JAMIE- A MAN
(notices the bulge)
I guess you ARE!
Bobby’s cell phone rings.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Let me take that first.
JAMIE- A MAN
O.k., but hurry up Donkey Boy!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Hello?
CUT TO:
INT. TONY’S HOUSE
Tony is working on the computer.
TONY
How’s the date going, horsey boy?
CUT BACK TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Jamie is sitting close to Bobby, rubbing him with the whip.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Interesting.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. TONY’S HOUSE
Tony is working on the computer.
TONY
Well, I’ve got great news.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Jamie is riding on top of Bobby, hitting him on the butt with
the whip.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
What is that?
CUT BACK TO:
INT. TONY’S HOUSE
Tony is working on the computer.
TONY
I’ve got the codes!
CUT BACK TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM 217
BOBBY D. MARTIN
You’re absolutely positive?
Tony’s voice on phone
TONY
I’m positive!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Yee-hah!
He jumps up and runs out the door, grabbing his pants only.
JAMIE- A MAN
Come back, my Palomino! Come back! We just
got started!
CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL ROOM 217
Bobby is running down the hall.
JAMIE- A MAN
(dejected)
Don’t expect a tip! Asshole.
Jamie closes the door to 217.
CUT TO:
INT. TONY’S HOUSE
Bobby enters the front door. He is wearing the wig, lipstick,
and lingerie still, but has his pants on. His “junk” is still
fully at attention. He takes off the wig, and throws it down.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Don’t ask.
TONY
I wasn’t going to.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
And by the way, it’s ONE pill, not FOUR!
TONY
I said three.
BOBBY D. MARTIN
Whatever. One. One is the answer.
TONY
Is this when you’re supposed to seek
medical treatment?
Grandma enters from a side door (her bedroom). She sees Bobby
in the lipstick and lingerie sitting next to Tony and freaks
out. She notices Bobby and Tony staring at the bulge in
Bobby’s pants.
GRANDMA
So, THAT’s where my pills went, you sick
bastards! Tony, how COULD you!
TONY
No, grandma, I, we, I, oh shit!
BOBBY D. MARTIN
YOU’RE the one mail ordering SEX TOYS!
GRANDMA
That was a gift for my daughter! Her
husband died two years ago. You used it
already, AND the pills!
She gets her cane.
GRANDMA
Get out! Get out you perverts!
Bobby and Tony run out the door, Grandma in pursuit with her
can raised high.
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Reviews
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Mikhail_S reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Brilliant screenplay!
I like the gestures of Bobby, you capture his manic movements very well (esp. in terms of conversational nuance). I also appreciate the elegiac nature of the narration.
You also capture the darkness of this gritty real world very well. I really felt that I was there, in that horrible world you portrayed. The fact you were able to do this in the screenplay means that you are more likely to achieve this aim if the piece comes to be shot. I know I have had similiar troubles with the IRS.
You depict squalor with enough detachment for it to be believable. I would appreciated a little more depth into the character of Bobby… he seemed somehow detached in the story and I felt there to be something of a barrier between him and the reader.
Asides from this, a veritable powerhouse of writing. Well done!
Mikhail
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