Short Story / The Bath

As my body slips in to the water I hear teenagers screaming in the background. She’s downstairs watching American Idol so loud that I can here it from in here. I can’t stand that shit and she knows it. I think that’s part of the reason she likes it. She knows that within minutes of hearing Ryan Seacrest’s voice I’ll leave the room.

We’re in love. That’s what we tell other people. We’re happy. That’s what we tell ourselves. Well, that’s what I told myself, anyway.

I let my head dip under into the scalding bathwater and I can feel my muscles begin to relax. Knots untie themselves and it feels like my whole body is melting into the water. I think to myself what it would happen if I pulled the drain plug. Would my melted body be sucked into the whirlpool that will inevitably develop as the water rushes from the tub into the sewers? When I was a kid, I used to just fill the tub and then let it drain and watch that whirlpool form and suck everything down into the darkness.

That’s where I am going now. The darkness. I knew it the moment Ryan Seacrest entered the house tonight. She wouldn’t fucking let up and I wasn’t going to sit there anymore.

No more pretending.

No more lying to myself.

I am not happy.

I am not in love.

I can hardly even remember what it was like to love her. I can’t really say what happened, either. I just know that it did happen. Slowly. Our love died a thousand tiny deaths, all without a proper burial. We just sat there idly watching our marriage, our relationship and finally even our friendship fall apart. We both made half-assed attempts at trying to fix things, but just like those baths when I was younger, I mostly just watched in sick fascination as everything drained away into the blackness.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, soaking. But the water isn’t steaming anymore. I can barely feel its warmth. So I pull the plug and watch the water drain away. I start to towel off but realize that I can’t hear the television anymore. Another Idol eliminated I suppose. Another kid from the Midwest watching his dream washing away.

I left the door to the bathroom cracked open and could see into the bedroom from where I was standing. She’s there, lying on the bed. Just looking at her used to make me want her. It didn’t matter when or where, I would see her and instantly feel myself stir. When we were in college that would usually lead to all sorts of adventures around campus.

Right now, though, I could see her having a little adventure all by herself. I could see her hand slip between her legs as her hips moved rhythmically to a beat only she could hear. Well, maybe not only her after all. One hand might be between her thighs but the other is gripping her phone as she talks to him.

I don’t know his name and I don’t really care. I know that she met him at work. He started working at her office about a month or so ago and the calls like this started shortly after.

She doesn’t know that I know. Or if she does, she certainly doesn’t care. I most certainly don’t anymore.

I haven’t taken baths regularly since I was a kid. When I was thirteen my parents thought that it was more than time for me to move on from my obsessions with sitting in the tub watching the water drain away. Maybe they were right, but I just remember how relaxing it would be for me to watch everything disappear. I turned thirteen while I was away at summer camp. When I came home my parents had ripped the bathtub from my bathroom and installed just a shower. It wasn’t until these last two weeks that I started taking baths again.

I slowly shut the door so that she wouldn’t hear me and started the water again. I wanted to give her more time. I wanted to make sure she finished. It was the only polite thing to do.

She never even asks why I started taking these baths every night. She just took the opportunity. But I’m okay with that. If she had asked, I don’t know what I would have told her.

If she were to walk in right now, I wouldn’t know what I’d do. She would open the door and see the steam rising from the tub. Too much steam. Water too hot for a bath. She would see me standing there completely naked stepping into what looked almost like a cauldron with a smirk on my face and a razorblade in my hand.

I slip in the tub and feel everything in me relax. Every muscle melts, yet again. The heat from the water is both oppressive and liberating. Every nightmare, every bad thought, every bad feeling oozes away as I slide the razor down each wrist. I can see the water slowly start to change color.

It reminds me of a sunset. A certain sunset, in fact. I look into the bright red bathwater and see the sun setting on the beach in Hawaii. It’s our wedding night. I’m still wearing my tux and she is still in her dress as we slip away from the reception and run hand in hand down the beach so we can get a quick escape from our families and our friends and just be alone. We ran until we couldn’t tell the sounds of the party apart from the crashing in of the waves. We laughed and kissed and held each other as we looked over the ocean and watched as both the sky and the ocean turned pink then orange then blood red as the sun set into the water.

I see that sunset and nothing else as I pull the drain and close my eyes as I fall asleep.
 

Reviews

There are no reviews of this item.