Per the comment on the first stanza… I really hate spoon feeding readers. In my mind, I shouldn’t have to define “cliffhanger”.
Per stanza three..yes I need to change “fly” to “fall”
Poetry / Cliffhanger (Analysis)
We have had this scene before...
an exit staged, a cliffhanger.
But my fingers are down to the bone this time.
I don't have the strength
to be the one that holds out.
So I either need a hand up or to be left to fly.
It's hard to tell if these tears
are caused by the wind in my eyes,
or the pain of knowing you have both hands full.
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oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Very ambiguous. I am not sure what you mean by my “fingers are down to the bone.” Usually this is a metaphor for someone who works their finger to the bone. The same goes with stanza 6. I really don’t know what you mean. With that said, the poem evokes a certian pain and frustration, and the last sentence leaves the reader with a sense of hopelessness. Perhaps you could elaborate more on this relationship that is on the brink of extinction. Sandi
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arwrites reviewed Version 1 -
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This strikes me as a very emotional piece, perhaps about someone who has lost the strength it takes to live and needs someone to help them trudge through.
“But my fingers are down to the bone this time.” Great!
I wish I had more to say, as I really enjoyed this piece, but I don’t have any critisms.
Jeff0307 reviewed Version 1 -
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There’s something lacking from this piece.
Without the reviewers notes I would have been lost. I don’t think there was enough explanation to really grasp what is being expressed.
S1 L2 maybe something like “a stage exited mid-show, a cliffhanger” – A little more explanation goes a long way.
S2 L3 this line read awkward. It’s in this part “or to be left to fly” Partially due to the wording. You could take out the first “to” sound alot better, but I dont think the verb fly works here either.
S3 I thought was great, but both hands full doesn’t quite tie well enough into the second stanza which you are playing on.
Hope that helps. All the best!
robinonettey reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this one. I like the sentiment of it, and the cliff metaphor. It reads a little stiff though. Maybe compacting some of the lines would help that. Also the line “So I either need a hand up or to be left to fly” is a little bulky—has too many syllables/words. The end resonates, good job on that.
Lucillecyr reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi,
I think this poem is very good… it packs a strong emotional punch in just few lines, and while the reader doesn’t know the story, or lead up, to the pain the ‘I’ voice is going through, we can still relate to his/her pain.
I like the first stanza, especially the last line of it… though I don’t quite understand the second line, namely when you say “an exit staged” as though this whole thing was planned. The poem strikes me as a poem about the type of relationship that is bad, but the sort that the ‘I’ voice (and the person him/her is referring to) continually find themselves in despite the warning signs. this suggests something totally unplanned, a kind of “how did I end up here again” kind of thing. I know I’m extrapolating a lot here, but it’s actually a testament to how much you pack into a few lines. My judgements are totally being made from the mood your poem creates for me.
I’d also recommend changing the wording of the third line of the second stanza… that part is so moving, there’s a sort of death of self destined to occur here, but I feel like the word choices are a little to light-hearted, especially the phrase “let fly.”
Finally, the last stanza just kills me… the ambivalence in the ‘I’ voice not knowing where the tears come from, plus the inherent cruelty of the other in letting them go. Very powerful.
Hope this is helpful.
Emily
orangemilkcrate reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not always the best judge of poetry, but to me, the rhythm seemed to lag a bit. It’s an interesting concept, but it leaves me wanting more. Not more after the end, more leading up to it.
Good luck and nice work.
lu.
misunderstood reviewed Version 1 -
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I thnk it has a rhythm to it, which is alway good when it comes to peoms, is it about somone falling and someone else not being able to catch them??
That’s what i got from the last stanza anyway.
‘But my fingers are down to the bone this time.’ This confuses me, i dont want to say that it’s confusing because it may just be me but in my opinion it doesnt fit with the rest of the piece in terms of the flowing of ideas. . good work though!!
Meshek reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t have the strength
to be the one that holds out.
You could of rearange this line, I don’t know say something different.But you didn’t. This line defines to me what this reading is about. I enjoyed very much reading your write. And this line I like because it is so powerful but still just simple.
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