Short Story / I'd already stolen her heart...

I'd already stolen her heart. That was first. We made a pair, the two of us. Out and about. On the town, if you will. She was lithe. With a ghostly white skin. Her hair the color of coal. We'd met in a bookstore. Or rather, that's where I first saw her. I managed to bump into her on the way out.
After that it was coffee and a few dates and I was hers. All hers. Even now as I write this, She sits across from me in her chair. Her favorite chair. She tells me she's comfortable there. I let her stay. She seems happy. I can tell by the smile on her face. It looks like her throat. I've slit her neck from ear to ear.

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Reviews

October 21, 2008

Marvin

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
414	91.6% (226 votes)	64.9%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	United States	December 01

Marvin reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

“With a ghostly white skin”—kill “a”. the opening pace reads very well, clear. good work.

yikes! surprising twist in a very very short piece. good set-up and execution (ha ha).

overall-

fast and funny, in a sick way.

criticisms?

hard to say. it’s more of a short-short than flash fiction but i reckon they fall under the same umbrella. you could consider stretching it out a bit more, or not. the punch is still effective, even though it’s such a concise piece.

well done.

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October 13, 2008

catluckey

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
305	96.8% (157 votes)	40.7%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
54	F	Saint Louis, MO	December 01

catluckey reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Now why’d you do that? That’s sick. You got a reaction, not good, but it’s a reaction.

So sad. And it seems the world is falling by the wayside toward that type of concept. Wicked, wicked, wicked.

Yep, this has a shocking ending twisting in a direction most of us fear. I’m wondering if a killer, psychopath really thinks so lightly, so sweetly then act in bloody violence. Totally delusional and sick…CALL 911!

You have a neat short, staccato style, simple and easy to read. A lot of sentences were fragments.

And you may want to get into romance, cuz you had me sitting cozily and happily reading the syrupy part. Thanks for sharing.