Poetry / trust

This poem is clearly straight from the heart and it is something you truly feel or mean, but as a reader, I can’t say that this is a strong piece. It doesn’t catch my eye. It has very slight or little rhythm. It does not follow any rule or way of poetry except for free verse, but the piece is not ready for publishing or anything of that sort.  It needs more work and drafts.  It’s a nice poem, but it is isn’t a great poem. It reads like everyday conversation despite the break in words seen.  

It is thoughtful and reflective, however, and those things are important. It just needs something more.

I love the honesty in this piece, and the brevity, physically, of each line. I like the look of it, if you will. For me the lack of rhythm or rhyme is not a bad thing in itself. But in this poem … it needs something, for me, to hang from and some sense of rhythm would probably have done it.  It needs a spine, a central chord, something…
Without the rhythm it disintegrates into dust in your hands as you read. You almost get the sense that it is crumbling just ahead of you and so you feel like you have to keep up or it will disappear. That is how fragile the voice speaking to us is. Which is an achievement in itself.
If you name the poem “Victim” rather than “Trust” maybe you can glimpse what I mean. For me it needs some measure of strength in there somewhere, somehow. Without that bit of strength, just a modicum would do, the whole thing seems almost like it isn`t true. Like it is just your perception but it`s hard to believe.
There must be some kind of spine, some kind of strength in it, otherwise it would not have been written, and would not have been published to anyone else. The strength is you, but i feel we need to see that in there someplace.
Hope this helps in some small way.

I liked this. You have made yourself vulnerable to the reader which is almost always favourable. Personally I like to be able to feel what the poet is feeling as it gives me something to identify with, and lets be honest, we have all felt like this before.

The only part I wasn’t as keen on is the ending as you go from talking about the other person and how their strength makes you feel strong (That’s my interpretation) to a feeling of self pity that I didn’t warm to as much.It is really just the last two lines that take away from the rest of it for me.