Poetry / Life as A Future Writer

sounds like the life I lived while working near full-time and going to college. I had to schedule time to “live life to the hilt”. Kudos

You asked the reviewer be easy on you, so I will do my best. Please note, my words are meant to inspire you to write at your best, and I mean no harm.

I wonder if perhaps you are limiting yourself by a narrow minded view of what a poem is. Poetry isn’t always about rhyme. Sometimes it is, and those poems can be quite nice. but sometimes a poem is hindered when the writer is busy trying to get the iambic pentameter and the rhyme scheme in sync.

try perhaps writing this again, but don’t try to make it rhyme. Just write what you feel. Let your thoughts flow a bit more.

Now I could be completely wrong. You may know full well what i have said and know how to form a great piece of prose. If so, I’m sorry for being presumptuous.

Happy writing.

I liked this a lot. It was a fun way for me to re-imagine my college years. I lived for the idea of learning new and great things. And really, all I ever wanted was more knowledge and more new experiences to come in contact with great knowledge. And, like me, as you said in the end, you study these things so that one day, you have enough money to study them comfortably. It’s not like you’re going to start buying yachts when you get rich. No, instead you’re further “financing” your nack for learning. And that, is a great thing.

if only that were so. a dream fir all us aspiring writers. to create worlds and dream and get paid for that

i liked this peice alot becuase it reminds me of how we struggle through life in between what we have to do and what we desire to do.

the wording was is all on key with your message so good job there.

Stanza one: Your rhyme is leading what you’re saying. Try to say what you mean first and let rhyme be either accidental or more purposeful. There are a few (ton) of sites online you can find a rhyme generator, I don’t know if that would help. Line three, for example, doesn’t really follow—the idea of food being a luxury on the same level as socializing doesn’t work. If you want to show the idea that you are throwing so much of yourself into studying that you cannot even eat, then you can’t “give it a rest”, surely, or go hang with the pals. I’d think about changing that image. Also, if it’s all work and no play, then how is it there is playing? Be very cautious of rhyme leading your meaning.

Second stanza says the same thing as the first, really. It doesn’t add anything. Why write it twice if you can say it economically and poignantly once? That’s one of the biggest parts of poetry, i think—learning how to manipulate language to your advantage.

Last stanza. To the hilt: that is very dated, as a phrase. Also, it doesn’t quite work. I think you’re trying to show that you’ll live life to the fullest, where that phrase means limit. It’s a different image, at least for me.

As far as the meaning of this piece, I have to say I disagree. While education is an important part of being a literate writer, it certainly isn’t coducive to being a good writer.

I don’t get anything from this piece. It makes me feel nothing. Maybe you can try writing something personal to you that evokes some kind of real feeling. Frustration is universal, I think, but pretty hard to portray. Perhaps just showing it in a more personal way would create more of a connection, at least with this reader.

Good luck! You’re on the right track. No one learned to write in a handful of poems.

I think your best stanza is the last and you should begin your poem with that.In this last stanza you have great end rhyme made/wage, built/hilt.

I understand your notes but sooner than later you will get some harsh critiques from your prof. or teacher. Most likely I think you are college.

Your poetry will become good if you add imagery, just simple things like what you eat, drink, cover yourself with at night, what you wear during the day. I mean pertaining to this poem.

Also, get rid of the “I” and “I’ll” s.

You have a great start here. Fan out a bit and get a bit more gritty with imagery. Bravo. Gregory