Poetry / just

I believe this is an almost perfect poem. I like it actually in its entirety, yet there is one point in it that stutters (which may be only in my mind – some reference I don’t quite understand).

You may address my one bit of advice as such or overlook it depending on that: the last two words of Line 7 seem unrelated to the others in that line. If this is the case, is there some way to distinguish them from the others so that they are intentionally seperate and the reader doesn’t have to stop reading and go back to make sure they’ve not misunderstood something? It more or less breaks up the flow, which is quite wonderful and adds greatly to the overall meaning and depth of the whole.

Great work, k

just in case of a case of injustice…clever first line but it doesn’t flow well.  I think it would keep the point by just saying “in the case of an injustice”

you can’t be a Kennedy, a Carnegie, a _ (or someone you’re not)

puncture the future aware of the past…puncture the future is a very vivid thought but why not seal up the puncture of the past?  Puncture the future seal up the past.

present your presence…very intelligent!

Maybe consider the imagery of your piece.  It is very intelligently written but seems bland in the scheme of thought you are trying to convey.  Try to consider the color and texture of representative thoughts; like blue or black for the past…a dying brown, not attractive to the eye…then we can eliminate it and look toward a field of green an poetic flower colors asthetic to the eye.
A presence of red, firery flame or black and white stripes illuminated directly by the sun, powerful enough to insult the iris but do it no harm.

It’s strange how using ALL of the senses in writing pulls the reader toward a common goal with the writer.  Have you ever read something and your heart started pounding?

Thank you for the opportunity!

It was great to read aloud, awesome message too…one of my favorite. Be yourself, and trust yourself. It’s straightforward. I usually prefer punctuation, but the structure has produced the necessary effect. I think some capitals would help though.