Poetry / Faith's Grace (Analysis)
It started out as little things, things that were not true
I closed my eyes to little things, so much faith I had in you.
Time and time little things grew, honor proved untrue
I closed my eyes to larger things, So much faith I had in you.
There came a day for me to prove, that faith does conquer fear
And in my heart I feared not, your vow to protect and be near.
Time had told that trust proved false, you had disappeared
Without a word you shattered trust, and left me to what I feared.
And when the one you left for, no longer served your need
Once again and again, your thoughts returned to me.
With gentle words and promises, you spoke directly to my faith
Never once regretting, the betrayal of faiths grace.
Time progressed and many things, to realness proved untrue
Keeping me in a hidden place, not allowed to accompany you.
Whispered words from all around, pictures before my eyes
The truth of why you kept me far, protect time and time past lies.
And at this time can you believe, with so much shown untrue
And all the pain, disgrace and shame, I didn’t loose faith in you.
Time again and once again, I read things with my eyes
To others meet - to me false, and promises were lies.
And again handwritten, a conditioning to be untrue
How and how to betray, the faith I had in you.
Faith in you it's grace was shown, strong, consistent and true
No remorse for betraying grace, faith's grace eluded you.
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wow that is really.. wow
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I liked that you believed in this person even beyond fault, lies and deciet. How true that love is blind. You took an old cliche and spun a wonderful poem out of it. I like that even in the end you, yourself stayed true to you and what you believed.
Your message is good. I like the theme of betrayal that you carry through.
Punctuation-wise, you use a simplistic, couplet form. However, there are places where you need punctuation at the end of your first line. You also need commas in other places- line three, “time and time,” line eight,”Without a word,” line seventeen “and at this time,”. the poem would be better served without the form you have imposed on it.
The punctuation and form of the poem should assist with the reading. It is similar to prose, in that, it should follow some sentence structure. Some of your stronger lines would be better emphasized if placed alone. With the structure of this poem, no line stands out for me- although you have some very strong ones.
I also felt that you were trying so hard to keep the rhythm and rhyme, that you sacrificed what could have been a better word for a simple rhyme. The word “time”, although a theme, is overused- used in places where it doesn’t work as a motif in carrying the theme. ”Realness” is an awkward word in the 4th stanza. Spelling- lose instead of loose in stanza five.
With a few revisions and some re-formatting, this poem would be much stronger.
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