Thank you for your thoughts!
Poetry / Point.Click.
Bubble icon hearts, Asian girls with those
Bellybutton rings, black almond shaped eyes
Nipples evoking the new budding rose
Teenage sex exploits get immortalized
Confession addicts at our fingertips
Everyone is on it mostly naked
Literal or otherwise, we who sit
Trading sights in lieu of something sacred
I could have spent my younger years on screen
Those moister extra sexual nascent years
Stalked by strangers and faces never seen
Glitter messages fall on deaf young ears
I must be getting old. It makes me sick.
But I do it anyway. Write me. Click.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I thought this flowed well. I especially liked
“I could have spent my younger years on screen
Those moister extra sexual nascent years
Stalked by strangers and faces never seen”
I didn’t like the nipples evoking a budding rose. It’s a bit clicheed.
“teenage sex exploits” I don’t know if you meant pornography or teens on their MySpace pages. There would be a different tone to each. Actually this was confusing throughout the poem. Who are you? People have very different experiences on the internet. I think you should define your protagonist more. Is this person just wasting time, or is there something more sinister going on?
- add/view comments (0)
Streikes reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
you have a good thought here but it is missing some elements that would make it great, i see some correlation in your work but it doesnt combine to create a great piece, with soem work you could improve this greatly
BentGrim reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I agree a hundred percent. It makes me sick, yet I still keep doing the clickilly click click click.
ScorpionHunter reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 11 word review has not been unlocked.
Johnsienoel reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is really genius, just a bit wordy in a few places which are easy fixes. At first I thought you were describing what is on the tele (MTV new age funk) so the last line threw me during the first read, but I get it now – internet YOUTUBE/MySpace/Facebook
Teenage sex exploits [get]immortalized – []strike it
Everyone is on it mostly naked – too wordy and flat maybe something like ‘nakedness runs rampant and fertile’
Glitter[ing] messages fall on deaf young ears – []add it
Onager reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
How sadly, pathetically true. You have captured the essence of how isolated and bizarre our attempts to socialize are becoming.
I like your use of imagery – the mixture of spareness interposed with lurid descriptions of exactly what it is you are bombarded with as you navigate the internet everyday that you live.
Great job, sorry subject. k
Vegasamore reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I freakin love it.
The last few lines made it so good and worth it and I’m not much help when it comes to really getting down the criticizing of poetry, I take poetry for what it does for me or to me. And this one was great. Short, simple and vivid too.
spiffy reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Pretty sweet. Excellent flow and structure and a good topic, provocative imagery. I don’t care for the last two lines but I think they need only slight editing. Overall its really quite good.
rdpixie reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Overall I like this poem :) Some very accurate images but I feel it could flow a bit better. Perfect finish.
Showing 1 - 9 of 9
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
9 Reviews 7 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 2 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 61 Times
Skipped: 8 Times
Ratings & Rankings
