Poetry / repeat repeat

Wake up

walk to kitchen

drink coffee

brush teeth

walk to school

remember routine

the outline is no dream

remember not to fall

step step step step

remember nothing at all

repeat

repeat

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EAnonymous avatar General Friend

October 08, 2008

EAnonymous

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EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A very bleak poem.  Nice!
I think it would only help illustrate the point if you extended this, actually writing out the repetition, with small variations, then finally ending with the “repeat / repeat” (why not one more ‘repeat’?).  That would illustrate the endless monotony in one more way, right?  Drag it out in all its tedious glory for us!  ;)
The rhyming that crept in toward the end was well done.
Good work.
:)

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JPatrickAusanka avatar

JPatrickAusanka

Age: 28
Loc: Austin, TX
Gen: M
Last Login: October 06
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