Journal, Diary, & Blogging / atrophy. acronym. absurd.

sharing soulful subtleties
amid, among and around
vivaciously vamped via vernacular
entities enrobed everlastingly exudingly

making my misery
everlasting

...........................

shaded beneath the misery of his sea, clad from the floating remnants of shattered dreams and algae drenched desires, appeared a transluscent twinkle. memories of a decent past, are drowned in the horror of habitual madness. he raised himself from the barnacled chains of his past, and rose out of the water, to let the sweet sunlight paint over his face. his rebarbative transcript, although lugubrious, is venial - and the sea will be mellifluous once again.

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Reviews

October 22, 2008

Marvin

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
414	91.6% (227 votes)	64.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	United States	December 01

Marvin reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

opening alliterative cadence was fun. i likey. nice format too. ”everlasting” certainly deserved a line of its own.

“shaded beneath the misery”--this “misery” tails too close to the earlier one. for me. it was noticeable and my eyes shot back up top. if this was your intent- yay. If not, maybe consider plugging in another word. or not. ga ga ga.

“sunlight paint over his face.”—you could kill “over.” if you want.

impressive lexicon there, skipper.

overall-

original, fast, fun. as a journal/diary/blog entry, it reads an an exercise in alliteration and expensive words. but an underlying theme of regret and release give it a pulse.

criticisms?

none too many. i pointed out a couple, but they’re more personal preference items.

well done.