Journal, Diary, & Blogging / delusional debauchery

sexual disruption. faces painted with emotions of disgust and pleasure simultaneously. i'm looking to the sky with an open mind amidst the black gravel sand at my feet and the piercing sun at my eyes sans sunglasses. i want some sugary sweet candy, i want to lick lollipops and twirl my tongue around swirling ice cream cones, letting the vanilla flavors drip off my chin. i want to run my hands all over a furry blanket, writhing on a moist mattress, while voyeurs scream invecting obscenities at me. i want to feel your shirt up against my naked back when we live out our short-lived fantasy of blacking out, and me waking up on the floor with my legs around your waist, and your hands around my neck. i just want to sweep my inhibitions into the corner, and talk to the shadows on the wall.

my words seem to flow like evanescent love potions.

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Reviews

November 05, 2008

effervescentpsyche

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
127	65.9% (41 votes)	35.6%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	F	Toledo, OH	November 25

effervescentpsyche reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I really like this, it was really fun to read…I like the way you wrote it too, it just seemed to flow together like a jingle or something. Sounds like you want to have one hell of a good time. :)

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October 07, 2008

gbaurbis

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
87	92.9% (42 votes)	53.9%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
47	M	Neenah, WI	November 16

gbaurbis reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

first off, one of the best lines, “black gravel sand at my feet.” Reminds me of Punalu’u beach on Hawaii Island.

I think the miscapitalization of “i” works well because it gives the reader a nuance of innocence, especially eating the candy and ice cream. Very good.

“Blacking out,” I think is awkward because it makes me thing of heavy drinking or drug use, and this wasn’t referred to early.

I think the word “invecting” is not a word, or a an old world word, did you me invoking, envoking, or investing?

This is the beginning of an excellent poem, but I think you need to develop some imagery.

I am sorry, I realized I critiqued this as a poem. so sorry.

Bravo. Gregory

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October 08, 2008

by GiftedSlacker

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
6	50.0% (8 votes)	16.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	Las Vegas, NV	November 07

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i think i interpreted invecting to mean.. horrible, or, critical, coming from the word invective, but it is clearly possible that i simply made it up. haha.

October 08, 2008

by GiftedSlacker

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
6	50.0% (8 votes)	16.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	Las Vegas, NV	November 07

personal info reviewer stats

oh, and blacking out, was intended just how you perceived. personally, i was going from this candy coated vision of my life, to what’s really going on in there.