Haiku/Senryu / Migration

This was good and I liked “mustard dill weed,” however since you are writing a haiku, when you describe the wings as “red black”..perhaps  you can think of another better description to more efficiently utilize those syllables?  

Otherwise, solid piece, I enjoyed it.  

I like the bare imagery employed without using a bunch of filler—is, was, the, a, etc.

Also liked the inside rhyme of “weed” and “wings”.

With respect, I’d suggest changing the title of this piece. As a working title it fits the bill, but it’s also the last word in the haiku. Given the constraints of these, the title needs to be evocative—it’s almost like being able to use another line. The current one takes the steam out of it IMO.  

The haiku purists will undoubtedly jump on this—the last line’s 7 syllables.

-Curt

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October 07, 2008

by gbaurbis

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47	M	Neenah, WI	November 16

excellent thank you

October 07, 2008

by Curtastrophe

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28	M	United States	December 02

You’re quite welcome. Welcome to the fold.

-Curt

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