Poetry / The 7th Day

Just off the top, the title, reads better spelled out, “The Seventh Day.”

focus on imagery despite author’s intent

1st stz: I think of traveling on a train with my feet tucked under the seat to settle my body movements.

2nd stz: I am outside of the apartment, the garden is beautiful, but I have someplace to go.

3rd stz: Now I am thinking the 1st stz. may be deleted or out of place, this stz. reminds me of a brand new day.

4th stz.: I think someone is watching me from their apartment window, me barefoot and grass or a snail is crawling up my foot.

5th stanza: at this point the previous stzs. make statements through imagery, and the fifth is abstract, doesn’t lend much to the poem.

6th stz.: we are back assuredly with 1-4th stz. and I think this is your most important stz, because I can imagine an angel? a past love? a dream? in the reflection in the moisture.

7th stz.: all of the colors in the reflection and the poet’s thoughts come together.

At some point you need to decide to incorporate the 1st stz.
the 8th stz. doesn’t lend anything unique.

I truly thought I was going on a train ride after spending an hour early morning reflecting.

The dedication would work well at the beginning with a epigram.

blessings, Gregory

I think you have two wonderful poems here. The first 4 stanzas got me rolling, but the last 4 stz. threw me for a loop.

I understand the transition of the 5th stanza with the blade bending, but it still seems disconnected.

Your best lines are: “a giggle got hold
on the sole of my foot.” and “Red drop, yellow drop, orange, blue and violet
right foot, left foot from light into light.”

Though the drop is an unbelievable line I think it doesn’t need to be repeated. The last stz. just hangs there, and I think it is so more powerful in the stz. before last.

The 5th stz. doesn’t carry much weight and so that is why I thought of two poems, or at least a two part poem.

the words, “a giggle got a hold,” would be a prime title.

You have done wonderful work here. Bravo. Gregory

I couldn’t find anything to pic on.
While I’m the first to admit how little I know, in my opinion, this poem is complete . . . .