Journal, Diary, & Blogging / I Have Nobody (Analysis)
These feelings tear at my skin like a flesh eatting disease. I cannot bear the burdens I have held on to for so long. With every breath I take this gets harder, the pain gets sharper, my heart rips further and my tears run faster. I don't know how to cope with these feelings anymore. I try to hide my feelings. I smile false smiles just to keep others happy. I cannot take the shit you put me through. With you it is Tug Of War between wishing I was dead and being at an all time high. You make me feel like nobody else ever has. With you I am somebody. You don't understand how much everything you say and do effects me. You can go and forget me but you are always on my mind. When I am without you I feel so empty and alone. I can't feel like this anymore. I've drove myself to complete insanity and to things I never thought I would do.
This razor is for all that I have lost and to all I cannot be for you. All the things you wish I wasn't. This razor is for you dad, for not being the perfect daughter you always wanted. For not being like my mother and letting you push me around. That punch in the face made you realise I am stronger than you think. This razor is for you mom for disappointing you and not always being there. For making you stay with the man that killed your spirits and mine.This razor is for you brother for I can feel your pain. You are too young yet to understand but I feel everything you do. My father has been more of a father to you than he has ever been to me. As this razor makes me bleed I feel the pain that everyone has caused me. Maybe now, you can finally see what you all have driven me to do. And you still dont even care. You never have and you never will.
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I really don’t know what to say to this. I feel as though this piece isn’t meant to be criticized, instead it’s only meant to be read and felt. So…I’m not going to critique it. I’m sorry if you’re hurting or anything, and if you want to talk, there are always people who are willing to listen.
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I thought this piece was very interesting. I liked the way you ended it. As i was sifting through it, i found some things you should change…
On page one, “eating” is misspelled (you said “eatting”)
“This razor is for you mom for disappointing you and not always being there.” you should put commas around “mom”. So it would be, “This razor is for you, mom, for disappointing…”
It’s the same thing with “brother”. (“This razor is for you, brother, for….”)
i don’t really understand what the first paragraph is all abuot. It seems that after that you take a whole nother direction in the story. Who is “You”? Readers tend to get confused if you don’t clarify these things.
Other than that, i really liked your piece, and i hope you keep writing :D
First off, if this is indeed an actual suicide letter SEEK COUNSELING AND/OR HELP IMMEDIATELY.
Having said that, there’s a few grammar and spelling issues:
Flesh eatting disease should read “flesh-eating disease.”
Tug-of-war doesn’t need caps, and should be hyphenated.
All-time high should be hyphenated.
There’s many spots throughout where commas could be inserted for clarity, and to break up overly-long sentences.
I can definitely feel the pain, sadness, and loss of hope in this piece. The analogy of the “tug of war” I thought was good. I don’t know who your speaking to in the first paragraph, is it the razor your speaking of? I’m sorry I don’t have any advice/criticism, personally I think it is well written. Thank you for posting.
YOU HAVE BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT EVER U ARE GOING THROUGH WISH SOMEONE CARING COULD SHOW U THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENT LIFE OUT THERE JUST KNOW GOD KNOWS WHAT U ARE GOING THROUGH AND HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH EVEN IF YOU ARE DEALT WITH A BAD HAND IN LIFE I AM SENDING YOU SOME ANGELS TO HELP LIGHT UR WAY TO A HAPPIER LIFE AND HOPE YOU CAN SEE SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE LIFE YOU ARE LEADING NOW. GOD BLESS TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS
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