Thanks for your input, I’m happy you liked it. Actually those two lines I’ve been unsure about, It was suppose to be the narrator setting the fire and walking outside and watching it. But I haven’t found a good way to get that across yet. Thank you again for taking the time to review my poem!
Poetry / Watch It Burn (Analysis)
Take a breath, look around
All the screams have died down
You look surprised
Didn’t you realize?
They catch up you see, all the lies
It doesn’t stay down, what you hide
What do I know, I’m so inferior
Must be lonely, being so superior
Why be mad over things you never said
It’s easier if it’s just all in my head
But the pressure has broken me down
So quickly you lose the love you found
You said it was just a matter of time
I’m done, these ties no longer bind
What you think is how it is
And I have nothing left to give
Every time I cried and you turned away
You just didn’t know what to say
You watched every meltdown
So this is where we are now
Your not comfortable lying in the bed you made
After all the anger those good feelings fade
Tell me one more time how you love me
Through the screaming I just can’t see
So take your opinions, take your righteousness and go
They mean nothing to us in the underground below
Below you sitting up on your throne
Take it elsewhere and leave me alone
I throw the match, light the fire
I will turn our history into a pyre
From the welcome mat on the front step
To the kitchen table don’t think I’m done yet
From the kids pictures in the hall
To the family portrait on the wall
From the wedding rings, isn’t that sad
To the trust and love I thought we had
From the struggles we overcame
Right down to your name
Now it’s my turn
To watch it burn
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ckbailey reviewed Version 2 -
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Rylan reviewed Version 1 -
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lostthunder reviewed Version 2 -
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again, this is still a good piece. i see that the suggestions were taken to heart. sweet. i really like the taunting nature of this. calling someone out because they think they are so much better than you. its speaks volumes, and again, good work my friend.
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B_HDouglas reviewed Version 1 -
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Corr. “You are not comfortable lying in” or “You’re not…”
This poem has a lot of thought, style and a wide range of events. I admit, I don’t know if it is about a sibling, a parent, but I guess a boyfriend/husband?
OK, with all of the hard work you have put into this poem, I suggest cutting down on the “I” and “You”, which is worth the extra work.
What was witty was the line, “It’s easier if it’s just all in my head” because it proves you have broken ties. Tough love?
LIne 3 Ex. without (you) “This time, without surprise”
Line 5 Ex. without (you) “They come back to see, if all the lies/Could make for a place to hide.”
lostthunder reviewed Version 1 -
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all the images were very well played. and i know how hard it is to find rhyming words sometimes, so i applaud you. i felt the pian and anger that the writer/narrator felt.
only thing im not clear on, who set the fire?
“Throw the match, light the fire
Turn our history into a pyre”
this seems almost like a command or a dare to someone else. but then it comes out that the writer was standing outside the fire.
either way, it was nicely done, thanx for sharing
changes reviewed Version 1 -
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I absolutely love this poem. I see nothing which needs correcting. What I do see, however, is how much this poem is saying. Or what I get from it.
Take a breath, look around
All the screams have died down
You look surprised
Didn’t you realize?
They catch up you see, all the lies
It doesn’t stay down, what you hide
What do I know, I’m so inferior
Must be lonely, being so superior
Why be mad over things you never said
These lines say so much of what I see in myself and in many of my friends. Putting up with so much in life and taking so much nonsense from those who try to make you feel inferior. What they don’t realize is that they are the ones who are inferior and are trying to make themselves feel better by bringing others down.
Well done.
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