Hi TeamDDI
Thanks for your feedback, and I am glad you enjoyed the piece. I will upload further segments soon…
Thanks again… Flack
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Cobwebs of Pearl (Analysis)
Part 1 - The History of the Present
01 - A Horror of Awakening
Her eyes were closed, though bright sunlight was pouring through a window somewhere close by, painfully illuminating the insides of her eyelids. Her stomach hurt and, with eyes still closed, she ran her hands nervously over the large lump that was there. Her mind told her that it felt like a pregnant bump and that ‘soon, a child would be born,’ and then her hands froze in terror as other thoughts rushed in to fill a doubt within her mind. ‘She was not pregnant! What was the lump in her stomach? Where was she?’
Her fear was so immediate and so strong that she could not open her eyes; her mind was trying to tell her that there was ‘something out there’ that she did not want to see! Her mind was trying to lock something deep inside her, something which would only cause her pain should it be released.
Forcing her arms to lie beside her, palms upward, she tried to control her breathing, which had increased rapidly from the moment of her conscious awakening. ‘Keep calm, keep calm,’ she told herself, ‘you have probably had a bad dream and there is nothing to worry about, there is nothing to be scared of!’
Another voice crept into her mind, saying, ‘Well, if you are so sure, then why do you hold back from opening your eyes?’
With her thoughts racing hauntingly around her head, racing down avenues that were only cul-de-sacs, questioning and prompting, and still not finding the address of clear sanity, she tried to think deeper; she tried to recall where she was and how she had got here.
She knew that she was naked and lying down upon a bed, and she tried to force her mind to reveal to her ‘where she was and how she had got here,’ but her mind refused to assist her and, involuntarily, she began to cry. This was no ordinary morning; this was no ordinary day and she knew that whatever was out there was not going to go away.
Pushing deeper into her knowledge, trying to find recent memories, she could not find any clear answers; they all seemed to hide around dark corners within her mind. Trying to make her mind reveal what was hidden from her, trying to get images that would help her ride back to tranquillity and sanity she felt, inside, that it would be a journey that she would not be going to take in her own near future.
Pictures began to swim within her mind, revealing two figures that she could not clearly see. She tried to look closer at them, trying to hear the words that they spoke to each other and, occasionally, to her. Vaguely, she began to recall an event and almost immediately the names of the people who spoke to her came to her mind. She knew that their names were Ashley and Flack but, for the moment, her mind would not reveal her own name.
She clenched her already closed eyelids tighter; trying to force herself to concentrate on the memory, hoping it would provide some clue to her own identity. Watching the scene in her mind as if she were seeing it being played back upon a moving picture screen, she was viewing two characters who she sensed she knew very well whilst the identity of the third, herself, remained constantly off screen or out of focus.
Continuing to watch the scene within her mind, and hoping to find the slightest hint of whom she was and where she was, she began listening intently to the words spoken by the images of her memories.
“The sky-watchers of Earth are aware of the comet already, and they know that it has originated outside of the solar system and that it is almost on a direct heading for Earth, or rather, where the Earth will be in space in approximately three weeks time,” said the male figure, who she knew to be called Flack.
“Can we be sure that it is an attack?” asked the one called Ashley.
“We cannot be sure until it arrives and, by that time, we will need to have someone in place that has the opportunity to be on hand when the comet arrives,” said the one called Flack and then, as she continued watching the scene, the female called Ashley turned toward her and said, “What do you think?”
She could see the scene, and she could see that her back was turned toward her so that she could not even see her own face as the scene continued playing out within her mind.
She heard herself reply within the scene, but she could not understand the words, although she was sure that somewhere in her unconscious she knew what has been said.
‘Why were these things being hid from her, why would her mind not reveal all that she wanted to know?’
Raising her right arm a little she suddenly slapped it down hard upon the bed, annoyed and angry that she appeared to be in such a confused state over such a simple thing as knowing what had happened to her in recent times. She wondered if she had received a blow to the head and whether this was what had caused her apparent memory loss but, even as she thought this, her mind stepped in and told her that was not the case; she had not received any blow to the head, and there appeared to be no physical injury that she had received that would cause the same effect.
She wanted to scream out, she wanted to open her eyes, but she knew that she could not, she knew that she was still not prepared for ‘whatever was out there!’
Sending her mind back to the scene, which was still being carried out within her head, she continued staring into it, listening intently, hoping to find a piece of the jigsaw of that which was her present situation.
She tried to see the images in the background of the scene that she watched with her minds eye but everything remained indistinct and out of focus; the only pieces of the scene that she could interpret clearly were those of Flack and Ashley and, from somewhere deep inside her, she knew that these were good people; these were her friends. Involuntary, she jerked in panic, fearful that something terrible may have happened to them. Trying to recall if any harm had befallen her two friends, she found that no answers would come to mind, and so she returned her inner eye to the scene in her mind, which appeared to have paused, quietly waiting for her attention and, as she looked upon it once again, the scene began playing once more.
“I’ll go!” she heard the voice of the one that she knew to be herself, reply, “I was only there for a short while last time, and I would like to go there again if that is all right with you two?”
She saw the figures begin to nod their heads, but she heard no words come from their mouths.
She heard the one that was herself begin to speak again, and she tried to recognise the voice, searching for something that would help her recall more as the image in the scene continued speaking, saying, “I’ll be all right on my own this time and I do not think that you two need to come; I am hoping that this will be a waste of time and will turn out to be nothing more than a holiday and a distraction for me.”
Hearing the voice speaking in her mind, she could hear nothing about the voice that she recognised. It was as if she had spoken in another language and, by some strange mechanism, her mind had interpreted it for her.
The image in her mind began to fade and, though she tried to keep hold of it, she could not prevent it from sinking down into the depths of forgotten-ness.
Alone in this place, she was angry that the image in her mind had gone, though it had left her with the knowledge that she had come to this place of her own free will, and that she had come here in search of a distraction, a break, just something to do for whatever the reason that she had wanted to find something to do.
Feeling a ball of sweat ride down the side of her head, stopping as it melted into her hairline, she knew that she could not remain here awake and unmoving for much longer; something in her mind told her that soon, whether she wanted to or not, she would have to move and she would have to open her eyes, and the inner voice which spoke to her telling her this seemed to be a voice not of her own, but a voice that belonged to something else entirely.
She knew that if her memory would not serve her, then her eyes would have to do the work; she would open them and hope that what she saw was normal and not in any way out of the ordinary.
Turning her palms downwards, gripping the bed sheet that was beneath her in each of her hands, she began pulling tightly against the sheet that was pinned to the bed by her own weight as she began forcing herself to open her eyes slowly, little by little, allowing the bright sunlight to reach them, allowing her eyes to grow accustomed to the overpowering intensity of the brightness.
Streaming light came pouring in through a window ahead of her and to her right, the wall ahead of her was white and bare, to her left she saw a door, again all in white, and the wall to the left of the door, which ran parallel with the bed on which she lay, was white also, though it was not bare for high up upon the wall was a picture frame that contained a scene of painted yellow flowers.
Breathing easier, and feeling as though all of her imaginings had been for nothing and feeling as though it were only a back-lash from a nightmare that had caused her to behave in such a manner, she began to relax, but then she thought about her stomach and, looking down between her naked breasts, she saw the huge mound that sat upon and within her; looking as if it were something that could be detached and yet knowing that it was not. There was something inside her stomach and as she raised herself up onto her elbows she felt and heard a slight movement to her right and, as she swung her head in that direction, her eyes flitting past a closed door, she saw a fleeting movement somewhere above her were, suddenly, a withered human hand fell into view.
Glancing upward, she saw a grey cocoon of silk, almost completely disguising the presence of a human body within. She screamed.
In horror and disgust, and trying to keep her eyes away from the withered arm that had fallen free from the webbing of the cocoon upon the ceiling, she leapt from the bed, her back jarring up against the wall that held the picture of yellow flowers.
Pressing her wrist into her mouth and trying to stop her scream, her winning was only achieved by digging her teeth deep into her own flesh.
Staring at the giant spider’s web that clung to the ceiling in the corner of the room, she knew that she could not call out for help; she could not allow anyone to enter this room, not now that she remembered what her mind had been trying to hide from her.
Moving forward on weak legs, she began moving around the bed, moving toward the door on the wall opposite her. It was the bathroom, and she needed it now. She lurched forward toward the door, her outstretched hand turning the handle rapidly as soon as she touched the cold metal, immediately beginning to push the door open, whilst all the time her eyes never moved away from the spider’s cocoon that held the dry and withered body of Charles McKenzie.
Falling to her knees as she entered the bathroom, and ignoring the pain caused by hard tiles, she began lifting the toilet seat, only just raising it completely as she began to vomit. She now knew what the lump in her stomach was; it was the digested flesh of Charles McKenzie!
***
Her stomach heaved, her hands gripping tight upon the sides of the toilet bowl as she arched her back, forcing the revolting package from her insides. Keeping her eyes closed, so as not to see the vile desecration that was pumped from her stomach, she allowed her mind to travel back in time and to see the events that had led to this moment; her tears began straining to push through her closed eyelids as she realised what she had become!
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Plain_Jane reviewed Version 1 -
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2nd paragraph you used “her mind” back to back in the sentences, just gets a little repetitive.
Over all a very difficult read. I found the run on sentences very hard to digest. I think the story has potential but needs a little tweeking with the grammar. After wading through and re-reading many paragraphs over and over I finally understood some of what was going on. I think.
When she opened her eyes what happened to the Ashley and Flank? Who Is Charles McKenzie? When did he come into the story? I would consider adding a bit so the reader understands how she knew it was Charles.
It almost seems like she is telepathically communicating with Ashley and Flank but is never really explained in full.
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TeamDDI reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, as requested by your notes…you definitely did a great job in putting together a scene for the reader. The entire time I was inside the head of the main character as I wonder what is it that she’s going through…a pregnancy, did someone knock her out and her subconsciousness was aware of what’s going on around her though? I’m probably completely off but that’s the magic in the reader being able to picture this scene. Very good.
chelly reviewed Version 1 -
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The surprise ending was brought about nicely, it was quite unexpected. I thought this to be well written and easily read. I could feel her anxiety and fear of the unknown outside of her closed eyes. Job well done! I enjoyed reading this piece.
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